Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Chapter 2, part I"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
68 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent start to the core of your novel. The Lincoln and the Jaguar immediately show that these characters have money. I also liked the scorched butt scene. As for the ghost(s), you gave a good preview in your prologue.
I found no nits but have a few suggestions:
"...then shielded his eyes from the hot {humid} Georgia sun." Just a thought. The sun is plenty hot, but I wouldn't say it is humid. Just having Cash wiping the sweat off his brow is plenty good enough.
"I'm married, not dead. I can still look, just can't touch." This is good. The way I've heard it is "My wedding vows didn't say anythin' about lookin'."
"tonic" is a good word to use, but I've heard Yankees call soft drinks as "soda pop" or just "pop."
"She noticed a light. I think that's the old kitchen [house]. I wonder why the light is on. She continued staring out the window." Old Southern mansions certainly had kitchens in the back yard, separate from the house. This was done to keep the heat of cooking out of the house. However, some of your readers may not understand this passage. I think adding the word "house" would be helpful.
Dave
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Barbara,
This is an excellent start to the core of your novel. The Lincoln and the Jaguar immediately show that these characters have money. I also liked the scorched butt scene. As for the ghost(s), you gave a good preview in your prologue.
I found no nits but have a few suggestions:
"...then shielded his eyes from the hot {humid} Georgia sun." Just a thought. The sun is plenty hot, but I wouldn't say it is humid. Just having Cash wiping the sweat off his brow is plenty good enough.
"I'm married, not dead. I can still look, just can't touch." This is good. The way I've heard it is "My wedding vows didn't say anythin' about lookin'."
"tonic" is a good word to use, but I've heard Yankees call soft drinks as "soda pop" or just "pop."
"She noticed a light. I think that's the old kitchen [house]. I wonder why the light is on. She continued staring out the window." Old Southern mansions certainly had kitchens in the back yard, separate from the house. This was done to keep the heat of cooking out of the house. However, some of your readers may not understand this passage. I think adding the word "house" would be helpful.
Dave
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Question: one reviewer said,"It's just me I guess, but the accent seems forced and on the edge of irritating. It's your call." Am I making a mistake with the accent?
Thank you for the kind review.
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Barbara,
Whose accent do you wonder might be forced? I didn't pick up on anything like that beyond a few Yankee words.
Dave
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The reviewer didn't say. I am guessing Billy Joe's. He only has a HS education. Cash is very well educated, but that won't come out until later. I only have him saying a very few words here and there.
Comment from Healthyheartpoet
Magnolia trees and an old house that needs restoration. A southern belle that inherits the house and has returned to the house of her childhood, interesting characters, an expert in restoration, and the house may be haunted. Looks like a great read. Thanks
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Magnolia trees and an old house that needs restoration. A southern belle that inherits the house and has returned to the house of her childhood, interesting characters, an expert in restoration, and the house may be haunted. Looks like a great read. Thanks
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome. I have a new poem up for review entitled 'Brink of death' . you may enjoy reading this thanks
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara. This is quite a jump from the preceding chapter, right? Anyway, for me the story is now taking its steps, and as always, interesting. You might want to change the sentence: She checked to make sure ... into regular fonts. See you on the next post.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Hi, Barbara. This is quite a jump from the preceding chapter, right? Anyway, for me the story is now taking its steps, and as always, interesting. You might want to change the sentence: She checked to make sure ... into regular fonts. See you on the next post.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I will correct that.
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Barbara, Nice to see you back. Good chapter.
The men set down the suitcases and left. (Better?: The men set the suitcases down and left.)
"I'm going to (the) grocery store.
"I guess the Georgia July sun doesn't work to (too) well with black leather seats."
"Hey(,) Billy Joe, tonic is Coca-Cola."
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hi Barbara, Nice to see you back. Good chapter.
The men set down the suitcases and left. (Better?: The men set the suitcases down and left.)
"I'm going to (the) grocery store.
"I guess the Georgia July sun doesn't work to (too) well with black leather seats."
"Hey(,) Billy Joe, tonic is Coca-Cola."
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
There's a huge jump in time from the first two chapters, Barbara. I'm guessing it connects in some way. We may have to go back and reread those two chapters to see the connection, though. It might something to do with ghosts
This is well written, but I don't think this was intentional. It's a very minor typing error.
"I'm going to(the) grocery store.
April
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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There's a huge jump in time from the first two chapters, Barbara. I'm guessing it connects in some way. We may have to go back and reread those two chapters to see the connection, though. It might something to do with ghosts
This is well written, but I don't think this was intentional. It's a very minor typing error.
"I'm going to(the) grocery store.
April
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I'll make the correction.
Comment from Gungalo
Oh how perfect and perfectly comfortable she should be there. Amazing she just got there and has painted her first picture already.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Oh how perfect and perfectly comfortable she should be there. Amazing she just got there and has painted her first picture already.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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She was inspired by the sunset. Thank you for the kind review.
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So poetic!!
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very nice chapter and I enjoyed reading it. I can hardly wait to get into the meat of the story. Is this the Civil War in modern times? You did a great job.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Very nice chapter and I enjoyed reading it. I can hardly wait to get into the meat of the story. Is this the Civil War in modern times? You did a great job.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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No, the Civil War is in the past. I start to bring it together in a few more posts. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from sunnilicious
I like this story. It is coming along well. Good introduction. Good dialogue with details. Nice story. Good author notes. Keep up the nice work.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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I like this story. It is coming along well. Good introduction. Good dialogue with details. Nice story. Good author notes. Keep up the nice work.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
It will be interesting to see what Paige's arrival will mean. The story moves along nicely, and the character development is good. They are believable and interesting.
Where'd that fancy car from? (should it be-car come from?)
I enjoyed the read. Curtis
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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It will be interesting to see what Paige's arrival will mean. The story moves along nicely, and the character development is good. They are believable and interesting.
Where'd that fancy car from? (should it be-car come from?)
I enjoyed the read. Curtis
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Darn!! I fixed that, a while back. I guess I forgot to save it. I will fix it again. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
A great post for the continuation of the story. I also enjoyed your character depth, they seem real to this work. Dialogue and dialect also well done.
I am enjoying where you are going so far. A few parts rather haunting or spooky but it merges well with the unknown element of your write.
Great job as always well penned. When I get to the end but want to keep reading that is always a great sign of a great work.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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A great post for the continuation of the story. I also enjoyed your character depth, they seem real to this work. Dialogue and dialect also well done.
I am enjoying where you are going so far. A few parts rather haunting or spooky but it merges well with the unknown element of your write.
Great job as always well penned. When I get to the end but want to keep reading that is always a great sign of a great work.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
