The Adventures of Hershy
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Hershy Smells Trouble"a chocolate-point siamese cat gets into trouble
12 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Dawn. I love the title ... this got me hooked in right away. What an awesome cat. Some great life lessons in this chapter. Loved all the action aspects, and now I can't wait to find whether Hershy followed the bullies to finish off the job LOL, or if they've catnapped him. I'm really enjoying your story. Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Hi, Dawn. I love the title ... this got me hooked in right away. What an awesome cat. Some great life lessons in this chapter. Loved all the action aspects, and now I can't wait to find whether Hershy followed the bullies to finish off the job LOL, or if they've catnapped him. I'm really enjoying your story. Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Oh Bev, you are so encouraging! Please - read on - the next chapter is out! (LOL)
Comment from nancy_e_davis
It seems I am behind on the adventures of Hershey.The book is taking up a lot of my time. This is a very good chapter. I like it better then the spaghetti one so that is quite alot!. Hershey is an extraordinary cat! Well done Dawn.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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It seems I am behind on the adventures of Hershey.The book is taking up a lot of my time. This is a very good chapter. I like it better then the spaghetti one so that is quite alot!. Hershey is an extraordinary cat! Well done Dawn.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Oh thanks Nancy, so very much! I know about time spent on a book, believe me! Hang in there though - it's worth it!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Hershy's missing. You definitely left us in suspense so we need to read the next chapter to see what happened. An enjoyable chapter!!! DEbbie
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hershy's missing. You definitely left us in suspense so we need to read the next chapter to see what happened. An enjoyable chapter!!! DEbbie
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hahaha! Again, thank you so very much for all your encouragement!
Comment from gazzagodbod
love love love this little story could just see the cat walking. The family that lived in our house before us used to walk their python on a leash lol love your writing xxgazzaxx
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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love love love this little story could just see the cat walking. The family that lived in our house before us used to walk their python on a leash lol love your writing xxgazzaxx
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Liar, liar, pants on fire! Thank you Gazza - I needed that!
Comment from mshirachot
Priceless! An attack cat! This story gets more interesting as it goes along. You better start thinking about Disny movie rights for this one!
What a great piece of art, too. Looks like you might have an illustrator for this book, as well.
No SPAG notes this time. Thanks for sharing this, Dawn!
Blessings to you!
Marsha
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Priceless! An attack cat! This story gets more interesting as it goes along. You better start thinking about Disny movie rights for this one!
What a great piece of art, too. Looks like you might have an illustrator for this book, as well.
No SPAG notes this time. Thanks for sharing this, Dawn!
Blessings to you!
Marsha
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Oh wow, what a review! And yes, more time to prepare, less technical difficulties -LOL-thank heavens! Thank you Marsha!
Comment from Wes Guptill
Well, I guess all of that spaghetti sauce certainly put some spice into old Hershy! Good for him, heroic cat! And for Daniel... these two are like the diminutive superheroes of the block.
Great chapter here, Dawn. I was expecting to have antics and adventures galore, for our feline friend and his pet humans, but no! What a surprise! Nina will certainly like this chapter, especially since we have been discussing the very topic of bullies and what to do when confronted with them. My advice was going to be to steer clear of them, and always make sure an adult is notified if another child starts to assail, tease, or taunt her. But now, after reading this gem, I might be thinking of adding a Siamese cat into the mix. Especially if that cat has half the moxie and mettle of ol' Hershy.
Grand chapter, what with the action, the conflict, the characterization all around, the dialogue, and the cliff-hanger at the end.
Salud!
Wes (and Nina)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Well, I guess all of that spaghetti sauce certainly put some spice into old Hershy! Good for him, heroic cat! And for Daniel... these two are like the diminutive superheroes of the block.
Great chapter here, Dawn. I was expecting to have antics and adventures galore, for our feline friend and his pet humans, but no! What a surprise! Nina will certainly like this chapter, especially since we have been discussing the very topic of bullies and what to do when confronted with them. My advice was going to be to steer clear of them, and always make sure an adult is notified if another child starts to assail, tease, or taunt her. But now, after reading this gem, I might be thinking of adding a Siamese cat into the mix. Especially if that cat has half the moxie and mettle of ol' Hershy.
Grand chapter, what with the action, the conflict, the characterization all around, the dialogue, and the cliff-hanger at the end.
Salud!
Wes (and Nina)
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Oh Wes, I hope I haven't caused any difficulties tonight when you read with Nina - fighting is not condoned! But there were three of them, and Daniel wanted to give Lizzie and Hershy a chance to run. The boys were much older than Lizzie, so they would have caught her for sure, if Daniel hadn't kept them busy! (Thanks, yet again, for a wonderful review!)
Comment from Gungalo
Oh he's coming back. Cats are just like that, they need time to calm down. Boy he sure did fight though. He founght just like a champion he did.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Oh he's coming back. Cats are just like that, they need time to calm down. Boy he sure did fight though. He founght just like a champion he did.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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This is a big, huge grin on my face - :) - I am so very happy you liked it! I loved writing it too!
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Smile.
Comment from THE FREAK
Whoa! Good story my friend really, really broad in the category selection I must admit. Good job, nice to meet someone thinking outside of the box. Here it is... my two cents. This particular sentence needs work! Other than this, it's good to go.
But Lizzie wouldn't stop crying. She shook her head back and forth, tears flying off her face as she did.
Try this...
Lizzie couldn't help but cry for the emotions bubbling inside expanded to the point of exhaustion; shaking her head with relentless frustration, projecting airborne pieces of her troubled life, only to crash harshly upon the floor, so much like her life. One tear to tell as story!
I do apologise for this, for it is me being me. My two cents.
Overall it is a really good story, I cannot deny it. Keep up the good work.
THE FREAK
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Whoa! Good story my friend really, really broad in the category selection I must admit. Good job, nice to meet someone thinking outside of the box. Here it is... my two cents. This particular sentence needs work! Other than this, it's good to go.
But Lizzie wouldn't stop crying. She shook her head back and forth, tears flying off her face as she did.
Try this...
Lizzie couldn't help but cry for the emotions bubbling inside expanded to the point of exhaustion; shaking her head with relentless frustration, projecting airborne pieces of her troubled life, only to crash harshly upon the floor, so much like her life. One tear to tell as story!
I do apologise for this, for it is me being me. My two cents.
Overall it is a really good story, I cannot deny it. Keep up the good work.
THE FREAK
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Oh Freak, that's wonderful, but this book is aimed at children, hopefully of all ages, so what you've written here might be just a bit tough for some kids to handle - but I love so much that you took the time to read and so thoroughly try to help! You are very, very kind!
Comment from WilliamDeen
This chapter, Hershy Smells Trouble, was a sad one with bullies! There are a few corrections needed:
Corrections:
going to the ballpark - it was the other way./ instead of a dash, use a comma
the one who was talking to him -the other two / instead of a dash, use a period and capitalize the word The
like he usually was- sometimes it's really,/ instead of a dash, use a period and capitalize the s in Sometimes
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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This chapter, Hershy Smells Trouble, was a sad one with bullies! There are a few corrections needed:
Corrections:
going to the ballpark - it was the other way./ instead of a dash, use a comma
the one who was talking to him -the other two / instead of a dash, use a period and capitalize the word The
like he usually was- sometimes it's really,/ instead of a dash, use a period and capitalize the s in Sometimes
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Oh William, thank you again! I will go to the chapter right now!
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My dear William, tow of the three suggestions you made are done, The first one however, did not seem to call for a comma because it was actually two separate sentences. I was taught that a comma is used to indicate a naturla point of pause only, so I have mad it a colon (because again, my teching about colons and semi-colons is that a semi is used wherever a longer pausse is called for than the pause you would you a comma, and a colon is used when it is actually two different sentences or to say. watch what follws. having said that, I was also taught that the use of dashes is not a good idea, but you see them all the time now in major published pieces, so they seem to have become acceptable. You have been consistantly kind and have given me very valuable input. I hope you will continue! It is so appreciated! luv, Dawn
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You are the author, I just give suggestions. :)
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Yes, and I value them very much! I made that long explanation because with changes (as I explained about the dashes being frowned upon in past, and now widely accepted) I am not so confident and hoped if I was wrong, you would generously correct me again! :) Truly Billy, (may I call you that?) I mean it sincerely when I say I value your input!!!
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Of course you may call me Billy. I personally don't like dashes. I see them more of a technically manual sort, but I am old. So I guess the dashes are really more of just a personal writing preference; like italics or single quote marks for internal thought. There are more than one RIGHT way to do things when writing and you have to find YOUR personal preference. I guess the best advice I can give is: 1. find your preference and 2. stick with it throughout your writing! :)
Comment from Sandie lee
Another awesome chapter. Love the fact that Daniel showed Lizzy his love and stood up for her. Love the cliff-hanger at the end of chapter. Where is Hershy?
One thing...are you going to try to have this published? My one thought in that arena is an editor may not like your editorial comments as you're leading the reader. Just my humble opinion.
Awesome again!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Another awesome chapter. Love the fact that Daniel showed Lizzy his love and stood up for her. Love the cliff-hanger at the end of chapter. Where is Hershy?
One thing...are you going to try to have this published? My one thought in that arena is an editor may not like your editorial comments as you're leading the reader. Just my humble opinion.
Awesome again!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Oh Sandie, I am so blown away by this review! I admire your writing so much, and for you to say what you have brings tears to my eyes! Writing this book means a lot to me and I appreciate your opinion about my editorial comments - but one chapter I didn't sprinkle them in as much and another writer, who'd been following too, complained, saying that was the biggest 'hook' for her! LOL - I guess, if/when I shop it, I'll have to wait to see what kind of response I get to know what to do. Thanks so much again my friend!
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Your welcome. I've work(ed) for a couple of kids magazines and I know they say it's a big no no, but it would be up to the individual publisher.
Can't wait until the next chapter :)
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OOO, that's good to know!!! Thank you my friend. In that case, I would probably leave it out for the first attempts at least. (And hopefully I will have the next chapter for tomorrow's postings - I am so glad you are following my story!!!) Hugs, Dawn
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No problem. I really do think you should try to sell this :)
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Still a ways to go before it is finished, 'though - I am thrilled that you believe it has a chance to sell! Any suggestions as to whom to try first, my ears (eyes - LOL) are wide open!
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I will keep on the lookout for publishers looking for this age group and let you know if I come across any. How close are you to being finished?
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Oh, not TOO far off, but you know how it goes with the best laid plans (LOL) - sometimes the muse has other ideas!
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Let me know as most editors want to know it's finished before they'll look at it :)
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Yes, I am well aware of this sad fact, especially for non-famous authors! (like moi) :( (lol)
