An Orange Siamese
Note: THIS IS THE OLD 'HERSHY' - THE NEW ONE IS MUCH BETTER.20 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
What a fantastic prologue for your story, Dawn. You have the touch - your dialogue sounds like it is, indeed, for a child and you have brought in a pet to further pull a reader of any age into the plot. Based on the excellent writing and inspired feel for the genre, this should be absolutely fascinating to follow. I can't wait! Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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What a fantastic prologue for your story, Dawn. You have the touch - your dialogue sounds like it is, indeed, for a child and you have brought in a pet to further pull a reader of any age into the plot. Based on the excellent writing and inspired feel for the genre, this should be absolutely fascinating to follow. I can't wait! Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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This is an absolute dream come true for me Bev - I have wanted to write this book for so long! Thank you so very , very much! I thought now is the time to try it, here at FanStory, and see how well it's received. I kid you not, I am in tears as I type (tears of joy!) I'll try not to let you down!
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You can't possibly let me down, my friend. And your timing is really good with this novel as there's some pretty heavy stuff being posted right now. And children's fiction is a huge market. So, I'm really glad you're posting here so we can offer you support and ideas. See you soon! Hugs, Bev
Comment from WilliamDeen
LOL!!! This is hilarious!!! I know all too well about CATS and their adventures!! LOL. I am a CAT lover! I have 2 right now. One is a snowshoe siamese who is also a polydactyl Hemingway we call Mittens because her paws are so big! We also have a calico that is black with the brown and white tortoise markings. We call her Little Black Kitty, like Little Black Dress perfume. They are a mess. Did you know all Calicos are cats with 3 or more colors and they are always girls? I love your story, it actually made me Laugh out loud, several times!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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LOL!!! This is hilarious!!! I know all too well about CATS and their adventures!! LOL. I am a CAT lover! I have 2 right now. One is a snowshoe siamese who is also a polydactyl Hemingway we call Mittens because her paws are so big! We also have a calico that is black with the brown and white tortoise markings. We call her Little Black Kitty, like Little Black Dress perfume. They are a mess. Did you know all Calicos are cats with 3 or more colors and they are always girls? I love your story, it actually made me Laugh out loud, several times!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Wonderful! I am so very happy! I know about calico cats and I think they are very beautiful. You must go and read my poem now too, then - it's about my Prissy titled, "My Cat's Tail". Thank you so much for such an incredible review. I have wanted to write this book for a very long time and having joined FanStory just a little more than two weeks ago, I thought this would be the perfect place to try it out, see how well it might be received! Watch for the next chapter - I will do my best not to let you down!!! Thank you again; I'm so darn happy you liked it!!
Comment from Wes Guptill
This is certainly one of the most interesting approaches to a book that I have read in a while: a prologue that begins with a ruined(?) dinne, a sauced cat (literally), and a house in an uproar. I don't have a single clue as to where this is going, but since you left the lid off of this 'pot', I guess I'm just going to have to stay and enjoy the fare myself. That is, if Hershy doesn't mind...
Nice simple, easily-flowing phrasing kept this moving at a crisp pace, which is refreshing beause a lot of otherwise good books always seem to get bogged down by overloaded or contrived prologues. You painted every frame of the scenes sharply, and I felt I was in the room, watching the cat, the pot, the stove, the kids, and the Mrs. Barnes all playing their parts. You put me in the middle of the action, and that got me cemented in the story.
So, you are off with a great lead... now, let's see where this goes.
Excellent work, friend.
Salud!
Wes
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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This is certainly one of the most interesting approaches to a book that I have read in a while: a prologue that begins with a ruined(?) dinne, a sauced cat (literally), and a house in an uproar. I don't have a single clue as to where this is going, but since you left the lid off of this 'pot', I guess I'm just going to have to stay and enjoy the fare myself. That is, if Hershy doesn't mind...
Nice simple, easily-flowing phrasing kept this moving at a crisp pace, which is refreshing beause a lot of otherwise good books always seem to get bogged down by overloaded or contrived prologues. You painted every frame of the scenes sharply, and I felt I was in the room, watching the cat, the pot, the stove, the kids, and the Mrs. Barnes all playing their parts. You put me in the middle of the action, and that got me cemented in the story.
So, you are off with a great lead... now, let's see where this goes.
Excellent work, friend.
Salud!
Wes
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Wes Guptill, you are the most amazing, kind man - thank you, thank you, thank you! I've wanted to try my hand at a children's book for a long time, and FanStory seemed like the perfect place to see how well it would be received, so you see, when you break it down and spell out what you liked about it, that is the best encouragement anyone can get! I am so excited and happy right now! I can't thank you enough!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well now that's cute! Sounded like it might have really happened! No matter it depicted a typical family situation with typical family dialogue.The picture is great as well.
Good job! Nancy
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Well now that's cute! Sounded like it might have really happened! No matter it depicted a typical family situation with typical family dialogue.The picture is great as well.
Good job! Nancy
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Oh how very wonderful of you! Thank you so much Nancy! I am so excited - I've wanted to try my hand at a children's book for a long time, and FanStory seemed like the place to see how well it might be received - your encouragement means the world to me!
Comment from Sandie lee
hee hee, I can totally relate. My cat is into everything. His favorite pastime is to sit my kitchen sink, much to the despair of my very germ-a-phobic Hubby.
Well done!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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hee hee, I can totally relate. My cat is into everything. His favorite pastime is to sit my kitchen sink, much to the despair of my very germ-a-phobic Hubby.
Well done!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Ha, ha, yes, I can see how that might be a problem! Oh thank you so very , very much Sandi - this means a lot to me! I've wanted to try my hand at a children's book for a long time, and FanStory seemed like a good place to see how well it would be received. Your review is so encouraging!
Comment from Shari_K
You tell this story very well and it's very entertaining. I like this mischievous cat. I have a cat and I know how much they hate baths! I like the visual your description gives of...if cats had elbows this one had the sauce up to it. Great story!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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You tell this story very well and it's very entertaining. I like this mischievous cat. I have a cat and I know how much they hate baths! I like the visual your description gives of...if cats had elbows this one had the sauce up to it. Great story!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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You have no idea how much your review means to me Shari - thank you so very, very much! I've wanted to write a children's book for a long time, and FanStory seemed the perfect place to see how well it would be received - I am so happy!
Comment from visionary1234
You have a LOVELY story-telling voice Dawn, especially when you're talking about little people. Lovely dialogue too. My only question would be in your last couple of sentences which don't give the story quite the strong ending it needs??
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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You have a LOVELY story-telling voice Dawn, especially when you're talking about little people. Lovely dialogue too. My only question would be in your last couple of sentences which don't give the story quite the strong ending it needs??
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Oh it's a book! :) That's just the start of a children's book. I have to tell you, I am so very encouraged by you visionary1234-you have consistently made me feel like I can do it-I have wanted to try my hand at a children's book for a very long time, and it's because of people like you, here at FanStory, that I've decided to do it! This is a great place to test how well it might be received! Thank you so much for your wonderful review!
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you have a GREAT children's book story voice Dawn - go for it!! absolutely!
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Bless your generous and kind heart my friend!
Comment from vigournet
A really great story. I walked with you, through the scenes, and really feel for Hershy. I cant wait to see how the meal goes with the boss, hope the family copes. We have never had cats, except when I was small, but I know how hard it is to bathe a dog!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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A really great story. I walked with you, through the scenes, and really feel for Hershy. I cant wait to see how the meal goes with the boss, hope the family copes. We have never had cats, except when I was small, but I know how hard it is to bathe a dog!
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Now I have a big grin on MY face! Oh yes, I know that one well too! Thank you for your wonderful review - you have no idea how much it means to me! I have wanted to write a children's book for quite some time, and FanStory seemed the place to see how well it might be received. I am so encouraged!
Comment from pendle65
The story, 'The Adventures of Hershy', is very amusing and at the same time highly intriguing. The cat's character is made to come alive by some very clever writing and it's antics are so typical of a young cat that I can't help thinking that the author as contact with cats in some way.
The pace was fast and furious, for the most part, yet the writing does nor suffer from that in any way.
My only regret was that the piece was so short, I would have loved to have read some more.
Good luck with this,
Ron
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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The story, 'The Adventures of Hershy', is very amusing and at the same time highly intriguing. The cat's character is made to come alive by some very clever writing and it's antics are so typical of a young cat that I can't help thinking that the author as contact with cats in some way.
The pace was fast and furious, for the most part, yet the writing does nor suffer from that in any way.
My only regret was that the piece was so short, I would have loved to have read some more.
Good luck with this,
Ron
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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You have made me one happy woman! I'm so excited, I forgot to press the save button - I already answered this! I have wanted to write a children's book for a long time, and only now decided it is time to give it a try, see how well it might be received. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this kind review! (Will you watch for the next chapter?)(and as for my ownership of cats - see "My Cat's Tail", the poem I wrote about the little one who has me wrapped around her paw!)Thanks so much again!
Comment from Ed_Anderson
The questions/scenarios you present at the beginning of this piece are thought provoking. The actual tale is superb, you have a gift for tapping into what willake people think/feel. Great job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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The questions/scenarios you present at the beginning of this piece are thought provoking. The actual tale is superb, you have a gift for tapping into what willake people think/feel. Great job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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I am so excited - I have wanted to write a children's book for a long time, and just decided FanStory would be the perfect place to see how well it might be received. You have made me very, very happy with this wonderful review! Your comments are so encouraging!(Will you watch for the next chapter?)
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You know I will Dawn!' I also recently decided to write a children's book
