An Orange Siamese
Note: THIS IS THE OLD 'HERSHY' - THE NEW ONE IS MUCH BETTER.20 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Rating of Chapter 27 - The Adventures Of Hershy
Liking spaghetti sauce sounds like Garfield who's favorite food was spaghetti.
A publisher may question that point.
Story is chock full of action.
May be more suitable for older children than younger ones.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Liking spaghetti sauce sounds like Garfield who's favorite food was spaghetti.
A publisher may question that point.
Story is chock full of action.
May be more suitable for older children than younger ones.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you - actually, Garfield's favorite food is pizza, I believe, but thank you for mentioning it - it might have been a stumbling block. :) It's a transition book, aimed at children 6-11 years old. I thought I mentioned that, but I will look again.
Comment from giraffmang
Rating of Chapter 27 - The Adventures Of Hershy
Hi Dawn.
I'm probably the wrong person to comment on this as I don't really like this kind of tales! Although I do read a lot of them to my wee one. Maybe that's why! LOL
Did you know that cats should not eat pasta or tomato sauce as they aren't omnivores like dogs. It won't kill them but it will give them very bad indigestion.
it's his daughter, Nina's birthday, - I'm not sure you need the comma before Nia's.
then procure the kitten for their daughter, Nina. - not sure you need to repeat the daughter's name here.
(after properly thanking Bob for a wonderful time, naturally. After all, he does have manners.) - you need end punctuation here as the previous sentence isn't closed off before the brackets.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Hi Dawn.
I'm probably the wrong person to comment on this as I don't really like this kind of tales! Although I do read a lot of them to my wee one. Maybe that's why! LOL
Did you know that cats should not eat pasta or tomato sauce as they aren't omnivores like dogs. It won't kill them but it will give them very bad indigestion.
it's his daughter, Nina's birthday, - I'm not sure you need the comma before Nia's.
then procure the kitten for their daughter, Nina. - not sure you need to repeat the daughter's name here.
(after properly thanking Bob for a wonderful time, naturally. After all, he does have manners.) - you need end punctuation here as the previous sentence isn't closed off before the brackets.
All the best
G
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Oh, great review - yes - cats should NOT eat pasta or tomato sauce, and in the book, Mrs. Barnes is very upset about it - scolds Elizabeth for her spoiled cat getting into not just the special dinner planned, but something not good for him! (Thanks for the great tips!)
(Aw, come on; it's a fun story. LOL)
Comment from KLStudio
Rating of Chapter 2 - Pizza for Hershy
Again, great story! Is there another way to express or condense or perhaps leave out some of the "sideline" comments? Doesn't seem necessary? to know the thoughts? but having said that...Hershey's love for pizza and contemplation of the "new comer", does seem relevant!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Again, great story! Is there another way to express or condense or perhaps leave out some of the "sideline" comments? Doesn't seem necessary? to know the thoughts? but having said that...Hershey's love for pizza and contemplation of the "new comer", does seem relevant!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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I'm not sure why you would search so deeply into my portfolio, call it a "great story", then rate as you did. The site's rating system is explained under 'info' on your page - you'll find it helpful in determining how to review. A three-star rating means it needs a fair bit of work, and it is expected that the reviewer will offer suggestions in order for the review to be helpful. I do see that you have nothing posted, though, so perhaps you have yet to write anything.
Since a traditional publisher has already accepted this book for publication, it surprises me that you think it needs so much change, but since you do, I would appreciate a little more explanation.
Thanks.
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Please forgive me...I meant no offense. Congratulation on your book being accepted for publication! THAT is quite an accomplishment!
I have not written anything...I am a reader, not a writer.
I really like your story and will continue read your stuff. I will keep my comments to myself.
I hope I will see your book in print someday! I have grandchildren who would love this book!
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Please do not feel you need to keep your comments to yourself at all. Feedback from all "walks of life' help us to know what works, yes? As a reader, you now what you like, and that is valuable comments to the writer. I merely suggest that as far as rating and reviewing, it's always a good idea to familiarize ourselves with what the ratings actually mean, and how to give constructive help.
Again, thank you. Dawn :)
Comment from KLStudio
Rating of Chapter 1 - Hershy Greets the Company
Too funny! I can imagine the whole story so clearly! I had tears from laughing so hard! GREAT story!
Not real sure of the fix, but the dialog parts seem a little wordy, which seems to be effecting the flow.
I love your story and can't wait to read more! Keep going, this is going to work!
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Too funny! I can imagine the whole story so clearly! I had tears from laughing so hard! GREAT story!
Not real sure of the fix, but the dialog parts seem a little wordy, which seems to be effecting the flow.
I love your story and can't wait to read more! Keep going, this is going to work!
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thanks.
Comment from Maguy Daoud
Rating of Prologue - An Orange Siamese
I really like this story, it's so natural writing as we live everyday, my husband has a dog gift, it's so nice and cool. My daughter has the same age of this sixth years old Elisabeth, for a short time she knew a lot of taking care of animals, isn't that great.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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I really like this story, it's so natural writing as we live everyday, my husband has a dog gift, it's so nice and cool. My daughter has the same age of this sixth years old Elisabeth, for a short time she knew a lot of taking care of animals, isn't that great.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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What a lovely review - thank you so much, and for sharing a little of your personal life. Blessings to you and yours. Dawn
Comment from pattipac
Rating of Prologue - An Orange Siamese
Anyone who has cats can relate to your story. Cats are curious, and independent. Having a mind of their own, they often manage to get into trouble. My sympathies go to Mrs.. Barnes. Whatever will she come up with for dinner?
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Anyone who has cats can relate to your story. Cats are curious, and independent. Having a mind of their own, they often manage to get into trouble. My sympathies go to Mrs.. Barnes. Whatever will she come up with for dinner?
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Hahahaha! Oh that Hershy! Thank you so much. I'm very pleased you enjoyed this prologue. :)
Comment from Magic Wand
Rating of Prologue - An Orange Siamese
I like the way you tell the Hershy's story in a conversational way. It gives the children a feeling of inclusion in the tale, and that is always a great way to engage them from the start.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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I like the way you tell the Hershy's story in a conversational way. It gives the children a feeling of inclusion in the tale, and that is always a great way to engage them from the start.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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I can't tell you how pleased and honored I am with your review. It's my first children's book, and I loved every minute of writing it. Thank you very much.
Comment from Sandie lee
Rating of Chapter 13 - Hershy's Guest
Awww....Hershy has a crush, so sweet.
Brilliant idea and a great plot turner - love this new twist.
This story is really shaping up.
Well done!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Awww....Hershy has a crush, so sweet.
Brilliant idea and a great plot turner - love this new twist.
This story is really shaping up.
Well done!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Well, I was thinking it might end here - could lead to another...??? What's your opinion? (And thank you for your review!)
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You might want to go on, if you can think of a good plot between the two cats :)
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Rating of Chapter 12 - Welcome Home Hershy
Oh, good a well written and happy ending to Hershy's adventure. Siamese are intelligent cats, unlike the two I have now, LOL!!! My beagle understands quite a lot of what I say and tries so hard to please. Great story!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Oh, good a well written and happy ending to Hershy's adventure. Siamese are intelligent cats, unlike the two I have now, LOL!!! My beagle understands quite a lot of what I say and tries so hard to please. Great story!!! Debbie
Comment Written 16-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Thank you very much!
Comment from Writingfundimension
Rating of Chapter 13 - Hershy's Guest
Hi, Dawn. I wish I had a six to give this absolutely splendid final chapter. You brought it around full circle, and have shown that you really know your way around a 'pen'. Love that the boss got her own cat. If I wasn't so allergic to them, I'd go out and buy one myself. You've made me a believer! Congratulations, my friend! Take a bow ...
Love, Bev
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Hi, Dawn. I wish I had a six to give this absolutely splendid final chapter. You brought it around full circle, and have shown that you really know your way around a 'pen'. Love that the boss got her own cat. If I wasn't so allergic to them, I'd go out and buy one myself. You've made me a believer! Congratulations, my friend! Take a bow ...
Love, Bev
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Oh Bev, how truly wonderful this review is - I am so honored by your praise! Thank you for all your wonderful support and encouragement!
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Dawn, you are very welcome. My pleasure for sure! Xxx Bev
