Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Chapter 1, part II"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
89 total reviews
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Have a great trip.
You get a "Sixer" for the writing and some good dialogue.
If I were a reader, I'd be confused. You tell me the book is set in present time, yet two chapters in and the time and place remains during the Civil War?
Ted
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2012
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Hi Barbara :)
Have a great trip.
You get a "Sixer" for the writing and some good dialogue.
If I were a reader, I'd be confused. You tell me the book is set in present time, yet two chapters in and the time and place remains during the Civil War?
Ted
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I am worried about that, but everything I read says flashbacks don't work. So I am trying to do it this way. I don't know if it will work or not. We shall see. My next post starts in the 21st century. Some of this part will begin to be explained.
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I don't know who's telling you flashbacks don't work, but their nutty. I could list about a dozen bestsellers that have flashbacks peppered throughout their chapters.
All six of my novels have occasional flashbacks.
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The books I have bought from Writers Digest on how to write novels.
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With the exception of a small few, books on how to write a novel aren't worth their price.
I have four that are worth more than the cost. Not one says flashbacks don't work.
Ted
Ted
Comment from donaldww
Excellent continuation of the first chapter. The action was well paced and the death scene transitioned smoothly to the birth, which I read as being his son.
Looking forward to more!
DW
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Excellent continuation of the first chapter. The action was well paced and the death scene transitioned smoothly to the birth, which I read as being his son.
Looking forward to more!
DW
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review,
Comment from guinea
Very good chapter. I feel sorry for ms. alice. With her husband dead and her having his son. The story is progressing nicely. The imagery is good. Only one error i found. "story set in 21st century."
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Very good chapter. I feel sorry for ms. alice. With her husband dead and her having his son. The story is progressing nicely. The imagery is good. Only one error i found. "story set in 21st century."
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. This is background and the real novel is set in the 21 Century.
Comment from Shirley B
This is a wonderful story. I really like the language. It feels like the deep south. I hope you have a great time on your vacation. I look forward to your next chapter, Shirley
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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This is a wonderful story. I really like the language. It feels like the deep south. I hope you have a great time on your vacation. I look forward to your next chapter, Shirley
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Hi Margaret, this was a good chapter. I enjoyed reading, and you display your writing well. The script is easy to follow and understand. Thanks for sharing with me.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Hi Margaret, this was a good chapter. I enjoyed reading, and you display your writing well. The script is easy to follow and understand. Thanks for sharing with me.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review, but I am Barbara
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So sorry Barbara I look for your work and Margarets. Sorry what a mistake to make.LOL. I hope you are not offended. Mary
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not a problem. I understand how it can happen.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ...
By now, you will be enjoying the first part of your holiday and I hope it will be happy and beneficial for you in every possible way.
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your book and there are just a few changes to recommend ...
* You have - would have to be fool to face us .. this should be - would have to be a fool .....
* What does 'colonic' mean?
* You have - Hell bells ... I believe this should be -
Hell's bells ....
* You have - A three men scout team ... which should be -
A three-men scout team ....
* You have - A halo of light shined on him ... this should be - a halo of light shone on him ....
* You have - Master Bradley done done all he can ... just remove the second 'done' ....
Now I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Hullo Barbara ...
By now, you will be enjoying the first part of your holiday and I hope it will be happy and beneficial for you in every possible way.
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your book and there are just a few changes to recommend ...
* You have - would have to be fool to face us .. this should be - would have to be a fool .....
* What does 'colonic' mean?
* You have - Hell bells ... I believe this should be -
Hell's bells ....
* You have - A three men scout team ... which should be -
A three-men scout team ....
* You have - A halo of light shined on him ... this should be - a halo of light shone on him ....
* You have - Master Bradley done done all he can ... just remove the second 'done' ....
Now I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your kind review and eagle eye. I wanted both dones in that sentence, it's dialogue.
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
barbara, I like the setting of your story. The imagery is so vivid that I feel like I'm right in the middle of each scene, each battle. This story flowed so easily without any stumbles or hesitation points.
Very well done and I will read the first chapter to catch up. This is something that caught my attention right away. Your title is perfect 'Savannah Love',,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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barbara, I like the setting of your story. The imagery is so vivid that I feel like I'm right in the middle of each scene, each battle. This story flowed so easily without any stumbles or hesitation points.
Very well done and I will read the first chapter to catch up. This is something that caught my attention right away. Your title is perfect 'Savannah Love',,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Otto Loewi
This is a fantastic piece of work. Poor Ol' Bradley (but I guess he shouldn't have been insulting the Yanks!). At least his spirit/ghost got to see his son being born. Great beginning to an excellent book, I'm sure.
I noticed a few things while reading that I want to bring to your attention. At the same time, I understand that these may have something to do with your particular style of writing or the genre that you're writing for. So, take these with a grain of salt.
-I feel that Bradley's inner monologue's weren't genuine. To me, they didn't seem like things a person would think to him/herself. Here are a couple examples:
-----"Tomorrow's September 20. I should write Alice, but I need sleep." In this line, it just feels like he's narrating the story (for the payoff at the end), rather than talking to himself. I would suggest making it feel more motivated. For example: "I can't believe tomorrow will be the 20th of September already. I need to write Alice, but, God, I'm just so tired." I understand the language I used for this example doesn't fit with the period, but I just wanted to show you what I meant. Just a suggestion.
-----"About three hundred yards away, by that yonder tree I saw something." Again, it just feels like he's narrating the story for the reader, rather than talking to himself. I'd suggest changing it to something like this: "What was that? I swear I just saw something... About three hundred yards away, by that yonder tree. What in carnation was that?" Again, just an example of what I'm suggesting.
Lastly, I'm not sure "colonics" were prominent in North America around the Civil War Period. I'm not sure if Frank would have known what a "colonic" is. I think the Ancient Greeks and Romans may have cleaned the colon to rid the body of certain "humours", but I'm not sure they used the word "colonic" or anything close to it. I certainly trust your judgment over mine when it comes to Civil War-type speech, but just in case this was an oversight of yours I wanted to bring it to your attention.
Again, excellent work!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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This is a fantastic piece of work. Poor Ol' Bradley (but I guess he shouldn't have been insulting the Yanks!). At least his spirit/ghost got to see his son being born. Great beginning to an excellent book, I'm sure.
I noticed a few things while reading that I want to bring to your attention. At the same time, I understand that these may have something to do with your particular style of writing or the genre that you're writing for. So, take these with a grain of salt.
-I feel that Bradley's inner monologue's weren't genuine. To me, they didn't seem like things a person would think to him/herself. Here are a couple examples:
-----"Tomorrow's September 20. I should write Alice, but I need sleep." In this line, it just feels like he's narrating the story (for the payoff at the end), rather than talking to himself. I would suggest making it feel more motivated. For example: "I can't believe tomorrow will be the 20th of September already. I need to write Alice, but, God, I'm just so tired." I understand the language I used for this example doesn't fit with the period, but I just wanted to show you what I meant. Just a suggestion.
-----"About three hundred yards away, by that yonder tree I saw something." Again, it just feels like he's narrating the story for the reader, rather than talking to himself. I'd suggest changing it to something like this: "What was that? I swear I just saw something... About three hundred yards away, by that yonder tree. What in carnation was that?" Again, just an example of what I'm suggesting.
Lastly, I'm not sure "colonics" were prominent in North America around the Civil War Period. I'm not sure if Frank would have known what a "colonic" is. I think the Ancient Greeks and Romans may have cleaned the colon to rid the body of certain "humours", but I'm not sure they used the word "colonic" or anything close to it. I certainly trust your judgment over mine when it comes to Civil War-type speech, but just in case this was an oversight of yours I wanted to bring it to your attention.
Again, excellent work!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your suggestions. I am looking at those areas.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello Barbara
I love this new book. It is a delight to read and your research has been excellent. Have a magnificent vacation. I look forward to the next chapter
Bear
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Hello Barbara
I love this new book. It is a delight to read and your research has been excellent. Have a magnificent vacation. I look forward to the next chapter
Bear
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from wiljacro
HI! Barbara. The second part of your chapter is justas atmospheric as the other. The theft of Bradleys rifle and ammunition is typical, but the most telling parts are the theft of his hat. and the scene where he fingers the holes in his blanket.These again underline shortages of bear necessaties and enhance the bravery of the fighting men.
Another good read, it will be interesting to hear what happens to Alice and new born James!
Have a lovely Vacation. wiljacro.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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HI! Barbara. The second part of your chapter is justas atmospheric as the other. The theft of Bradleys rifle and ammunition is typical, but the most telling parts are the theft of his hat. and the scene where he fingers the holes in his blanket.These again underline shortages of bear necessaties and enhance the bravery of the fighting men.
Another good read, it will be interesting to hear what happens to Alice and new born James!
Have a lovely Vacation. wiljacro.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
