Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Chapter 1 part I"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
87 total reviews
Comment from tinams
This looks like another fine start Barbara. I certainly want to read more. I'm glad I've joined right at the beginning of this story :) Tina
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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This looks like another fine start Barbara. I certainly want to read more. I'm glad I've joined right at the beginning of this story :) Tina
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Arkine
This seems like a very good start to a book. You have to give the Confederates something, they sure had a lot of spirit to be fighting in such conditions. Excellent job!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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This seems like a very good start to a book. You have to give the Confederates something, they sure had a lot of spirit to be fighting in such conditions. Excellent job!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from vivicadad
That was really nice and really sets the pace for something better to follow. This recommends the next chapter. Nice descriptions, paints good picture of the two men, especially their actions. Brilliant.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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That was really nice and really sets the pace for something better to follow. This recommends the next chapter. Nice descriptions, paints good picture of the two men, especially their actions. Brilliant.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
This is a most interesting chapter in your new book and I certainly look forward to more.
There are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - The soldiers loaded another train. I think you mean - The soldiers boarded another train.
* You have - to write Alice .. which should be - to write
to Alice.
* You have - He proceeded to write his wife. This should be - to write to his wife.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Hullo Barbara ....
This is a most interesting chapter in your new book and I certainly look forward to more.
There are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - The soldiers loaded another train. I think you mean - The soldiers boarded another train.
* You have - to write Alice .. which should be - to write
to Alice.
* You have - He proceeded to write his wife. This should be - to write to his wife.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and I will check those areas.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Ghis is a good start, Barbara. If this isn't the actual plot, but background instead, you might want to make it the prologue when you organize your manuscript. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Ghis is a good start, Barbara. If this isn't the actual plot, but background instead, you might want to make it the prologue when you organize your manuscript. :) Nancy
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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There's another section to it, so it would have messed things up anyway. It was too long for one post.
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Prologue will expand P1, P2, P3 etc. Not a big deal in the scheme of things. It keeps the sections in order, which is all the numbering does anyway. :) nancy
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I didn't know that, I thought Prologue had to be done all at once. Thank you for the information.
Comment from justatuna
You did a great job. Very descriptive which allowed me to be in the scene. I can't give honest advice on sturcture as I don't know it well, but I didn't see any problems. I look forward to reading more. Thanks.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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You did a great job. Very descriptive which allowed me to be in the scene. I can't give honest advice on sturcture as I don't know it well, but I didn't see any problems. I look forward to reading more. Thanks.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Good start up. Hope the follow up posts will follow the trend. I like the smooth characters you are building for both Frank and Bradley. Your posting is neither too long nor boring.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Good start up. Hope the follow up posts will follow the trend. I like the smooth characters you are building for both Frank and Bradley. Your posting is neither too long nor boring.
ola thomas
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from unimatrix001
Excellent story, good imagery of accurate conditions for southern troops.
Only comment is on the dialog. I don't think there are enough language mistakes for an 1860's Georgia farmboy. Bradley's writings to his wife have the right southern tone, but when he and Frank speak, they use almost perfect English. Most people write proper and speak in slang. Also, the format of separation in dialog and action sometimes makes it difficult to tell who is speaking. For example, I'm not sure if Bradley is saying the battle cry about killing blue bellies or if someone else says that and the following action statement is his response.
Altogether, it's the start of a great story. I can tell you've done some research.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Excellent story, good imagery of accurate conditions for southern troops.
Only comment is on the dialog. I don't think there are enough language mistakes for an 1860's Georgia farmboy. Bradley's writings to his wife have the right southern tone, but when he and Frank speak, they use almost perfect English. Most people write proper and speak in slang. Also, the format of separation in dialog and action sometimes makes it difficult to tell who is speaking. For example, I'm not sure if Bradley is saying the battle cry about killing blue bellies or if someone else says that and the following action statement is his response.
Altogether, it's the start of a great story. I can tell you've done some research.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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I will check those areas out. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wes Guptill
This was indeed a great approach and beginning to a good working manuscript. The language and the dialect devices were well done, not too heavy, not light. I enjoyed the easy pacing and flow of the story, and I didn't notice anything that felt awkward or forced, and I was looking. The reason I say I was looking is that when an author is drafting an historical novel, it is easy for the work to become bogged down with long passages and throwback references to history and event. Your prose was very clean and fairly crisp. I only noted one area where the work 'hiccuped'["...They pushed the enemy back as they continued to Alexander's Bridge. Frank tripped over a vine and Bradley caught his arm... " : the two sentences denote different periods of time and wholly different sequences of action. As it is currently written, I interpret it as saying something like, we kicked their butts, made them retreat, and my buddy tripped over a vine as we did all of this. Just seemed out of place. But a paragraph separation between the two parts should fix things effortlessly.]
One other thing that I liked about the chapter is the mild throwbacks and backstory you used, scattered throughout the sentences (like Enfields, the shoes, the slang for the Us troops, and the like...). This was well done.
All-in-all, I think you are moving in a positive direction with positive energy, and your story will be successful if you maintain this dedication and level of writing talent.
Excellent job, dera lady.
Salud!
Wes Guptill
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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This was indeed a great approach and beginning to a good working manuscript. The language and the dialect devices were well done, not too heavy, not light. I enjoyed the easy pacing and flow of the story, and I didn't notice anything that felt awkward or forced, and I was looking. The reason I say I was looking is that when an author is drafting an historical novel, it is easy for the work to become bogged down with long passages and throwback references to history and event. Your prose was very clean and fairly crisp. I only noted one area where the work 'hiccuped'["...They pushed the enemy back as they continued to Alexander's Bridge. Frank tripped over a vine and Bradley caught his arm... " : the two sentences denote different periods of time and wholly different sequences of action. As it is currently written, I interpret it as saying something like, we kicked their butts, made them retreat, and my buddy tripped over a vine as we did all of this. Just seemed out of place. But a paragraph separation between the two parts should fix things effortlessly.]
One other thing that I liked about the chapter is the mild throwbacks and backstory you used, scattered throughout the sentences (like Enfields, the shoes, the slang for the Us troops, and the like...). This was well done.
All-in-all, I think you are moving in a positive direction with positive energy, and your story will be successful if you maintain this dedication and level of writing talent.
Excellent job, dera lady.
Salud!
Wes Guptill
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your suggestion and the kind review. I will make that correction.
Comment from Sloegin
Well written. Your description of Bradley's problems created tension and suspense. It's obvious you did your history lesson. Your presentation of the day's events is well done.
One sentence is overdone, to my way of thinking.
"removed his ragged floppy cap, scratched his scraggly brown hair". ragged, floppy and scraggly, brown clutter up the sentence. Otherwise a great read.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Well written. Your description of Bradley's problems created tension and suspense. It's obvious you did your history lesson. Your presentation of the day's events is well done.
One sentence is overdone, to my way of thinking.
"removed his ragged floppy cap, scratched his scraggly brown hair". ragged, floppy and scraggly, brown clutter up the sentence. Otherwise a great read.
Sloegin
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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I will recheck that sentence. Thank you for the kind review.
