Blame it on the Moon
The end of the world... the end of hope.18 total reviews
Comment from Oblaidon
Interesting read. I would like to see a different ending. Spitting in someone's face I don't think is getting even. The baby she loved is no less because of how the baby was conceived. I like the premise though.
reply by the author on 03-May-2020
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Interesting read. I would like to see a different ending. Spitting in someone's face I don't think is getting even. The baby she loved is no less because of how the baby was conceived. I like the premise though.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-May-2020
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Thank you... (3 years later. lol)
Comment from RedMarie33
Great sci-fi short story! I love the surprise ending - it was already an interesting story before that, but definitely became quintessential Twilight Zone material after the twist! I'm impressed by how much meat you packed into a very short story,
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Great sci-fi short story! I love the surprise ending - it was already an interesting story before that, but definitely became quintessential Twilight Zone material after the twist! I'm impressed by how much meat you packed into a very short story,
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Hi, Red. Thanks for the sixer. Yes, this did have a great twist. Sometimes I luck out with one. My original concept was based on the money and power movie producers have, and I wondered what would happen if one of them became obsessed with a young actress. This was the result, and taking a reader along for the ride was the trick.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. No one's read it for over a year, so it's a shock to get this review. Thank you so much for sharing.
Christian
Comment from Capabara
a brilliant twist and a concise narrative delivered in only 700 words; you even kept me guessing until the final paragraph, well done
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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2013
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a brilliant twist and a concise narrative delivered in only 700 words; you even kept me guessing until the final paragraph, well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2013
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Glad you enjoyed it, but if this is only good in your opinion I'd certainly like to see your work, but I see you've never posted anything. Still, considering this rating of one of my most professional and imaginative flash fictions, your stuff must be brilliant.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Have a great day.
Christian
Comment from joann r romei
Another very good one, you like to do these shockers at the end, and this probably is fantasy as well, there is a book I always enjoyed its titled the fan, by irving wallis
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Another very good one, you like to do these shockers at the end, and this probably is fantasy as well, there is a book I always enjoyed its titled the fan, by irving wallis
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Ah, you finally read one of my favorites. Thanks for the sixer, I guess you liked it too. Awesome!
Comment from Richard Reader
Haha, funny ending. Too bad it had to be flash fiction. I think the ideas (particularly the end of the world scene) seemed a little rushed, but if you only had 700 words I don't see how else you could have done it.
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Haha, funny ending. Too bad it had to be flash fiction. I think the ideas (particularly the end of the world scene) seemed a little rushed, but if you only had 700 words I don't see how else you could have done it.
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Kool.. I just suggested this one to you. That was freakin' quick. lol Yeah, I'm going to expand this in the future. It's a bit light on description.
Thanks for reviewing.
Chris
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Yeah, sorry I know it was a kinda weak review, but there really wasn't much to say. It was pretty good.
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No.. most of my work is pretty tight technically. What you gave me is exactly what it needed, a comment on its entertainment value and where it could be improved. I appreciate that.
Comment from JoyMarie
Awesome story...Kept me intrigued throughout...I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories..My last review is missing of this story..Not sure where it disappeared to. So congratulions on the win!!!
Peace
Joy
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Awesome story...Kept me intrigued throughout...I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories..My last review is missing of this story..Not sure where it disappeared to. So congratulions on the win!!!
Peace
Joy
Comment Written 11-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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You're my number one fan! Thanks, Sis.
Comment from elgone
An ending made in Hollywood, a shocker fo a twist. Some guys will do anything with their wealth to get a fine piece... The story was compelling and held my interest.
E
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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An ending made in Hollywood, a shocker fo a twist. Some guys will do anything with their wealth to get a fine piece... The story was compelling and held my interest.
E
Comment Written 11-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Thanks, El, I appreciate you taking the time to read and give your opinion.
Comment from barkingdog
I believed the moon had destroyed the world, too. Felt like I was right there with her in her fear and then finding out that it was all just Roger's way to kidnapper her and have his way ... well that was a fantastic plot twist. What a pervert.One with a lot of money to have a sound stage, etc.
Very well told. Keep my interest all the way.
Dialogue would have added variety.Its all just her telling the story.
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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I believed the moon had destroyed the world, too. Felt like I was right there with her in her fear and then finding out that it was all just Roger's way to kidnapper her and have his way ... well that was a fantastic plot twist. What a pervert.One with a lot of money to have a sound stage, etc.
Very well told. Keep my interest all the way.
Dialogue would have added variety.Its all just her telling the story.
Comment Written 11-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Thank you, my friend. Absolutely right about the dialogue... but so much story so little space. I'm certainly going to rewrite this after the contest. Thanks for the thoughtful and helpful review.
Comment from robbiepsullivan
The concept behind this story is truly great and creative. You have an interesting set of characters setting out through a very interesting experience. I genuinely enjoyed it.
My one criticism is the lack of description. For instance, in your explanation of the moon's destruction, consider doing scientific research online detailed descriptions into how the moon might actually be knocked from its orbit. When you have done sufficient research, you can add an immersive quality to your own explanations by using the data you've collected.
This is a technique of many successful science fiction authors. A Well researched description makes fiction more believable, and forces the reader to become more involved with your story. This same method could apply to other parts of your story: Don't be afraid to be descriptive.
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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The concept behind this story is truly great and creative. You have an interesting set of characters setting out through a very interesting experience. I genuinely enjoyed it.
My one criticism is the lack of description. For instance, in your explanation of the moon's destruction, consider doing scientific research online detailed descriptions into how the moon might actually be knocked from its orbit. When you have done sufficient research, you can add an immersive quality to your own explanations by using the data you've collected.
This is a technique of many successful science fiction authors. A Well researched description makes fiction more believable, and forces the reader to become more involved with your story. This same method could apply to other parts of your story: Don't be afraid to be descriptive.
Comment Written 11-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Ah, thank you so much for that, Robbie. I truly appreciate your in depth and helpful review. You're right about descriptions. There was so much more I wanted to add, but I had to keep this under 700 words, and it really hurt the story in many many ways. However, technically I'm covered in this case, since if Roger got the film footage wrong, but his captive believed it, the story still works. There was never an actual Moon/Earth collision to describe. It was all CGI from Roger's special effects department. lol Although, a more accurate description, as you've pointed out, really would have roped the reader in better. Point noted, and I'll definitely add to this once the contest ends. Again, thank you so much for your review.
Comment from amarherig14
Wow! great flash fiction , I enjoyed it very much. Roger was a dirty old man,he tricked the speaker into having a child.It ended with a good suspense.Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Wow! great flash fiction , I enjoyed it very much. Roger was a dirty old man,he tricked the speaker into having a child.It ended with a good suspense.Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Thank you for the well wishes and taking the time to read and comment.
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You are welcome. You have my vote.Regards,amarherig.
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Awesome! I think you put me over the top... or at least even with the top. much appreciated.
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Great! Are you informed of who votes for you? I ask because I vote every day and this is the first time I am told. Good luck .It was very original.
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No, I just counted what I had a few minutes before you told me, so I knew it was a good thing. Thanks again! : )
