Move On
Don't live in the past...3 total reviews
Comment from ajdevore
I really love this, it's great advice lyrically conveyed. But don't you have to GET rid of sour milk? Maybe you are counting sour as two syllables? I just looked it up in Merriam-Webster where it's shown as one.
Also, picture please. It really enhances enjoyment for your reader.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I really love this, it's great advice lyrically conveyed. But don't you have to GET rid of sour milk? Maybe you are counting sour as two syllables? I just looked it up in Merriam-Webster where it's shown as one.
Also, picture please. It really enhances enjoyment for your reader.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thanks for that info! You saved me haha.
Thanks again,
Alex
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I am new to this site and do not know how to add pictures. Please help.
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Near the top when you add a new entry, there's an opportunity to go through the pictures available. You can key in a category, maybe 'forgive', or something you feel is appropriate, then scan through. I think you can add one to a previous entry by editing, then look at the top to see if it says something about adding a picture. Good luck!
Comment from Ashley Scott
I've upgraded to five stars since you've fixed the syllable issue in the last line. Again, nice work.
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Sound advice in such a short poem. "Ephemeral" is a strong word...I like it :) Also, I enjoyed how you compare those bad memories to sour milk because it works on two levels. Holding on to such junk will "spoil" our outlook, and causes our attitude to smell bad after a while...lol. Nicely done.
One minor suggestion: "rid of sour milk" is only four syllables. "sour" is one of those words like "fire" that sound like two, but is only one. An easy fix would be:
"get rid of sour milk"
Let me know if you fix that last line and I'll add a star.
That's all I've got,
Ash
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I've upgraded to five stars since you've fixed the syllable issue in the last line. Again, nice work.
~~~
Sound advice in such a short poem. "Ephemeral" is a strong word...I like it :) Also, I enjoyed how you compare those bad memories to sour milk because it works on two levels. Holding on to such junk will "spoil" our outlook, and causes our attitude to smell bad after a while...lol. Nicely done.
One minor suggestion: "rid of sour milk" is only four syllables. "sour" is one of those words like "fire" that sound like two, but is only one. An easy fix would be:
"get rid of sour milk"
Let me know if you fix that last line and I'll add a star.
That's all I've got,
Ash
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thanks for that info! You saved me haha.
Thanks again,
Alex
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Sorry to reply again, just letting you know I fixed the poem.
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Thanks for letting me know. It fits the 5-7-5 now and I've added a star :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I like the wording here and the message. The only thing wrong with it is that each LINE should be a complete thought and not continued to the next line. I'll bet you could reword it and have a winner with this idea! Give it a try and let me know if you do an edit so I can redo my review, Okay? :)
Something along these lines, not THIS, but just to show how EACH LINE is a whole thought.
Bad mem'ries must go.
Quickly get rid of sour milk.
Make them ephemeral.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I like the wording here and the message. The only thing wrong with it is that each LINE should be a complete thought and not continued to the next line. I'll bet you could reword it and have a winner with this idea! Give it a try and let me know if you do an edit so I can redo my review, Okay? :)
Something along these lines, not THIS, but just to show how EACH LINE is a whole thought.
Bad mem'ries must go.
Quickly get rid of sour milk.
Make them ephemeral.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thank you for your advice. I greatly appreciate it. But, all haikus are different and contain different structure. Plus, I hate to be robotic, so I am keeping my work the way it was originally created.
Thanks again!
awag238
