Secondhand Diamonds
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Coffin-Maker"Three Character Studies -- 2289 words
27 total reviews
Comment from snodlander
A powerful piece, with just a couple of minor typos. It's difficult to write in a regional accent without it getting in the way or becoming irritating, but you did a good job here. Telling it from the POV of a child is a good device, as a child can rattle off events less emotionally than an adult.
Some specifics:
Uncle Sawyer cut the wood - Uncle Sawyer the sawer? You might think of a different name
the whole place smelled liked pine. - like pine
and that mail was found as far Milk Bend - as Milk Bend
I went into town with daddy - Daddy. When it's used as a proper noun, it's capitalized, otherwise not (as in my daddy)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2011
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A powerful piece, with just a couple of minor typos. It's difficult to write in a regional accent without it getting in the way or becoming irritating, but you did a good job here. Telling it from the POV of a child is a good device, as a child can rattle off events less emotionally than an adult.
Some specifics:
Uncle Sawyer cut the wood - Uncle Sawyer the sawer? You might think of a different name
the whole place smelled liked pine. - like pine
and that mail was found as far Milk Bend - as Milk Bend
I went into town with daddy - Daddy. When it's used as a proper noun, it's capitalized, otherwise not (as in my daddy)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2011
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Thanks for the encouraging comments. They are probably taken more happily than they are meant - coming from my favorite writer and all. *smile* I did mean to use Uncle Sawyer as the name; a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor. Not many people will pick up on it, I suppose, but the ones that do will either smile or frown - their choice. Were you a smiler or a frowner?
Thanks for the spags, thought I got all of them! Rats! I hate that. And I thought I corrected all the "daddys", too. Oh. well.
Thanks so much for the review! robo
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I always smile when I read your works. Okay, sometimes it might look like a smirk, but no, seriously, deep down where it counts, it's a smile
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Yippee! Doing the happy dance! (Even if you're lying.) Doing the happy dance!
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Wow. You never disappoint me with your writing, but I think this is one of the best. What a tragedy. The emotion and sadness of it come out so bloody well in this story. Seeing it through this young man's eyes, sharing his father's suffering, the descriptions - really well done, Robyn.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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Wow. You never disappoint me with your writing, but I think this is one of the best. What a tragedy. The emotion and sadness of it come out so bloody well in this story. Seeing it through this young man's eyes, sharing his father's suffering, the descriptions - really well done, Robyn.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Av. This was a hard one. Thinking about all the events and then picking through and deciding what to include was tough. I got teary all through the writing process. It really struck me! Thanks for the encouragement! robo
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent story to illustrate the devastation caused by the storm. You have presented the facts and spun a fascinating story about your dad, the carpenter.
It's engrossing and also informative.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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An excellent story to illustrate the devastation caused by the storm. You have presented the facts and spun a fascinating story about your dad, the carpenter.
It's engrossing and also informative.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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Thanks for the review! I appreciate your time and comments - robo
Comment from victortouche
I can't imagine the story being told any better. Humbling read. As it always is to me when people are forced to confront their common humanity. Lovely job.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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I can't imagine the story being told any better. Humbling read. As it always is to me when people are forced to confront their common humanity. Lovely job.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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Thank you , sweetie. This was a tough write; kinda ripped my heart a bit. I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks for your kind and encouraging words. Those are always desired, but with this piece they are especially nice! Have a super day - robo
Comment from bowls
I'm so glad you posted this. I'd never heard of this horrible event before. Your story is touching and certainly brings home the extent to which a terrible hurricane can devastate a community. The character of the coffin maker is well described and the narrator gives us insight into the feelings experienced by his father, Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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I'm so glad you posted this. I'd never heard of this horrible event before. Your story is touching and certainly brings home the extent to which a terrible hurricane can devastate a community. The character of the coffin maker is well described and the narrator gives us insight into the feelings experienced by his father, Well done.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thanks for your thoughtful review. I appreciate your time! Have a great day - robo
Comment from honeytree
I felt the loss of lives.
Families usually bond well after such an accident
Living in hope finding their loved were alive.
Floods seem to be on the increase in many countries.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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I felt the loss of lives.
Families usually bond well after such an accident
Living in hope finding their loved were alive.
Floods seem to be on the increase in many countries.
Honey tree
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thanks for the review!
Comment from sibhus
This is some great writing. You have a great ability to empathize with this tragic event, and create something memorable. The aftermath of nature's destrucation comes alive through well constructed words. Your chose of a child as your speaker gives a simple yet powerful feel for the devastation wrought on this small community.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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This is some great writing. You have a great ability to empathize with this tragic event, and create something memorable. The aftermath of nature's destrucation comes alive through well constructed words. Your chose of a child as your speaker gives a simple yet powerful feel for the devastation wrought on this small community.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much! robo
Comment from Aussie
What I like most about your writing is that it has a real warmth about it, as if you were there at the time and witnessed the events that you wrote about. Of course this is fiction, doesn't come across as such. We had the worst floods in 100yrs last Christmas and most of my state of Queensland went under - dreadful. Uncle Sawyer was a good name for a carpenter, dreadful job in reality. You even threw in the part about the colored folks not being as important as the whites - how true of days gone by. Very well thought out and I think this is a winner. Blessings.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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What I like most about your writing is that it has a real warmth about it, as if you were there at the time and witnessed the events that you wrote about. Of course this is fiction, doesn't come across as such. We had the worst floods in 100yrs last Christmas and most of my state of Queensland went under - dreadful. Uncle Sawyer was a good name for a carpenter, dreadful job in reality. You even threw in the part about the colored folks not being as important as the whites - how true of days gone by. Very well thought out and I think this is a winner. Blessings.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Aussie. It's based on a completely true event, so I simply had to create the characters and all the other stuff. IT was tragic. I got tears in my eyes several times while writing. If it takes a passion in the writer - this piece certainly had it!
I appreciate your wonderful review. I wasn't sure how it would be received, espcially the part about the blacks, so I also appreciate your mentioning that. Your review once again helped my heart! Thanks! robo
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My (Aboriginal)people have suffered badly since the British landed on our shores. I have written a few stories about the way my ancestors were treated. Just like the American Indians have lost everything. Love, K.
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Thanks again. I remember seeing a couple of your pieces!
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
Wow what a sad tale. I love the way you describe Daddy,and the tightening of his jaw. Very well chosen words that depicted the times and ways,as they were. No Doctor Phil, to discuss all the trauma. No 24 hour news channel,repeating the story every 15 minutes. Just poor humans dealing as they had for thousands of years. Well told and well written Robin.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Wow what a sad tale. I love the way you describe Daddy,and the tightening of his jaw. Very well chosen words that depicted the times and ways,as they were. No Doctor Phil, to discuss all the trauma. No 24 hour news channel,repeating the story every 15 minutes. Just poor humans dealing as they had for thousands of years. Well told and well written Robin.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, friend. It was a tough story, but I felt like it needed to be told. Thanks for reading! robo
Comment from Carolyn 12
You have given this story life. I could see the high waters and bodies. I could see the timber and wood simple coffins being made. Very well said hon.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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You have given this story life. I could see the high waters and bodies. I could see the timber and wood simple coffins being made. Very well said hon.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much. I appreciate your encouragement for a very tough story. It made me tear up several times in the writing! I appreciate your review. robo
