Flash Fiction Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Into the Gathering Storm"a selection of my best flash fiction
44 total reviews
Comment from sk42rn
Great story and good luck in the contest.
I did not notice any particular spelling or grammar errors.
I can see that you have a great sense of the spiritual in your writing and a belief in guardians.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Great story and good luck in the contest.
I did not notice any particular spelling or grammar errors.
I can see that you have a great sense of the spiritual in your writing and a belief in guardians.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, you're absolutely right.
Comment from Charlene0513
This short story has mystery, drama and even a multitude of earth-shattering, turbulant weather conditions that adds to the capricious nature of the story.
An allusion can be mind-boggling, to say the least.
But you kept focused on the big picture for a tumultuous climax, leaving a bitter-sweet ending.
Charlene
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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This short story has mystery, drama and even a multitude of earth-shattering, turbulant weather conditions that adds to the capricious nature of the story.
An allusion can be mind-boggling, to say the least.
But you kept focused on the big picture for a tumultuous climax, leaving a bitter-sweet ending.
Charlene
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you so much, Charlene. I really appreciate the great review, and I'm so glad you enjoyed my story.
Comment from anabellapongasi
This is a very well written story, a great entry to this contest. Good storyline. The setting and characters are well described, good dialogue. I like the haunting, supernatural twist. Satisfying ending. Good luck in the contest!:)
Anabella
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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This is a very well written story, a great entry to this contest. Good storyline. The setting and characters are well described, good dialogue. I like the haunting, supernatural twist. Satisfying ending. Good luck in the contest!:)
Anabella
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, Anabella, you are very kind.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
What an enjoyable story. Even the caption above the title gave no clue to what would be the outcome. I seriously thought she was trying to lure him to danger, and very much enjoyed that she was doing the rescue.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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What an enjoyable story. Even the caption above the title gave no clue to what would be the outcome. I seriously thought she was trying to lure him to danger, and very much enjoyed that she was doing the rescue.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Wow, thank you so much for the generous rating and kind, encouraging review.
Comment from Stefhy
I really really liked this. I found myself wondering if you wrote this before you found the picture, or if perhaps the picture inspired the write? Either way, I love the imagery and character. My favourite things to read are often things with lots of character, where I get to know a main character either through their own thoughts - or I get an insight into all characters through the narrator.
There is one part that caught me off guard. Not saying it's bad in any way, I guess I just personally am not sure if you should have the thought end with such a random thought:
"She laughed, a tinkling trill that thrilled him in spite of himself and the situation. She danced away across a dozen more rocks. Maybe she was part goat."
You have such a smooth and elegant flow through all of it, it sounds beautiful; and then all of a sudden all of her elegance turns into the shape of a goat.
Again, this is just a personal thought. I still love it, and would not take any points away because of it. Well done :)
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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I really really liked this. I found myself wondering if you wrote this before you found the picture, or if perhaps the picture inspired the write? Either way, I love the imagery and character. My favourite things to read are often things with lots of character, where I get to know a main character either through their own thoughts - or I get an insight into all characters through the narrator.
There is one part that caught me off guard. Not saying it's bad in any way, I guess I just personally am not sure if you should have the thought end with such a random thought:
"She laughed, a tinkling trill that thrilled him in spite of himself and the situation. She danced away across a dozen more rocks. Maybe she was part goat."
You have such a smooth and elegant flow through all of it, it sounds beautiful; and then all of a sudden all of her elegance turns into the shape of a goat.
Again, this is just a personal thought. I still love it, and would not take any points away because of it. Well done :)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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The picture inspired the write, though it took quite awhile to tease the story out of hiding. I appreciate the great review. You make an excellent point about that line. I'm not quite sure how to remedy that. I wanted to reflect his resentment that she was tripping along while he had to struggle and pick his way carefully. I will have to ponder a more graceful way to express what I mean. Thanks again.
Comment from Juliemagg
Very good imagery! I definitely got drawn into the story as well. Flash fiction is not easy to do and I see no spelling errors, ect.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Very good imagery! I definitely got drawn into the story as well. Flash fiction is not easy to do and I see no spelling errors, ect.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, Julie, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story.
Comment from sasil
Really excellent work here! You told a great tale with developed characters and mood, all while sticking to the "scraped out core" format of Flash Fiction. Way to go! Nice to have a guardian angel--I thought for sure this poor guy was going to fall prey to one of the Fey. Kudos & best wishes.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Really excellent work here! You told a great tale with developed characters and mood, all while sticking to the "scraped out core" format of Flash Fiction. Way to go! Nice to have a guardian angel--I thought for sure this poor guy was going to fall prey to one of the Fey. Kudos & best wishes.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, sasil, you are very kind.
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most welcome...
Comment from PoesyPoet
WOW! That was a chillng story. Here he thought he was saving her, but in fact, she saved him. What a nice twist to the story and a good contest entry. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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WOW! That was a chillng story. Here he thought he was saving her, but in fact, she saved him. What a nice twist to the story and a good contest entry. Best of luck.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, my friend, I'm so glad you enjoyed my little story.
Comment from Judi
Dear Author,
I was mesmerized by your story, and though some have been written in some way mimicking it, this story was very well written, catching this reader up in the brutal winds, and the crackle of lightning from the storm, as well as feeling the salt-spray (I'm sure) of the sea.
I have no problem recommending this super story to everyone, and I encourage them to read it! The best part is that I know we all have angels watching over us, and I saw her as clearly as the writer saw her! I loved this! Judi
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Dear Author,
I was mesmerized by your story, and though some have been written in some way mimicking it, this story was very well written, catching this reader up in the brutal winds, and the crackle of lightning from the storm, as well as feeling the salt-spray (I'm sure) of the sea.
I have no problem recommending this super story to everyone, and I encourage them to read it! The best part is that I know we all have angels watching over us, and I saw her as clearly as the writer saw her! I loved this! Judi
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, Judi, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story.
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You are very welcome! Judi
Comment from Nanashirley
This is a good story and I like the way you built the tension and left it to my mind to build a scenario before you ended with the surprise. I saw no editing needed. Good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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This is a good story and I like the way you built the tension and left it to my mind to build a scenario before you ended with the surprise. I saw no editing needed. Good luck.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed my story.
