Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Nathan's in charge"A woman is stalked by a fan
14 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I new Norman wasn't finished with Cathy. It wasn't good to let him out of jail. Now Cathy is in even more danger, he'll be better prepared the next time.
Sorry it's taken me so long to get to the reviews. I got busy.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2010
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I new Norman wasn't finished with Cathy. It wasn't good to let him out of jail. Now Cathy is in even more danger, he'll be better prepared the next time.
Sorry it's taken me so long to get to the reviews. I got busy.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2010
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Hey Barbara,
Yes, we haven't seen the last of Norman. I just hope Nathan is able to maintain control!
Thanks for the great review!
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
Great chapter. You have again made me sympathetic for Nathan. When Norman appears my heart skips a beat in anticipation of something terrible happening. You are doing a great job providing the reader with a wild roller coaster ride. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Great chapter. You have again made me sympathetic for Nathan. When Norman appears my heart skips a beat in anticipation of something terrible happening. You are doing a great job providing the reader with a wild roller coaster ride. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Well, Norman is not a happy camper, but it looks like Nathan has things in hand. At least for now. Thanks for the wonderful comments and great rating!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hey Gayle,
Another interesting chapter about Nathan. I was wondering where the book was going at this point? Will there be further conflict. I feel like you are at the end, but again, I'm so far behind, I'm not sure.
Nathan's already flirtin' with the girls, huh?? :)
Some things to look at:
Gotta take that prize(-)winning picture, right
Take care, Nathan(+,) and feel free to call me
The warm sea breezes (breeze?) ruffled his
As he drew abreast of the Italian restaurant, a variety of aromas so enticing, so tantalizing assaulted his nostrils that his mouth filled with water as his taste buds erupted in anticipation (the 'his's here stood out to me. Not sure if you can do anything about it, so your call.)
He sat at a nice window table, not too far from the front door and watched the people stroll down the street, often slowing to notice something in a store window.
(it sonds like he slowed to notice something in the window, Gayle. Reread and see if you see what I mean.)
When his glance once more strayed to the blonde woman
"Didn't you see how that blonde woman
('blond' - no 'e' in these usages.)
He reflected on the success of the evening and the liberating feeling he had. (<--this 'he had' really hangs at the end of the sentence. Consider rephrasing. Again, I could be being too picky.)
He watched the sun sink into the ocean and
(This 'he watched' really stood out as telling. Try just 'As the sun sank into the ocean, he wished he had his camera (can kick 'with him'.)
I looked up "Parmigani", cause I wasn't sure if it was right: On wikipedia, it goes: 'Parmigiano'
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Sissy
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hey Gayle,
Another interesting chapter about Nathan. I was wondering where the book was going at this point? Will there be further conflict. I feel like you are at the end, but again, I'm so far behind, I'm not sure.
Nathan's already flirtin' with the girls, huh?? :)
Some things to look at:
Gotta take that prize(-)winning picture, right
Take care, Nathan(+,) and feel free to call me
The warm sea breezes (breeze?) ruffled his
As he drew abreast of the Italian restaurant, a variety of aromas so enticing, so tantalizing assaulted his nostrils that his mouth filled with water as his taste buds erupted in anticipation (the 'his's here stood out to me. Not sure if you can do anything about it, so your call.)
He sat at a nice window table, not too far from the front door and watched the people stroll down the street, often slowing to notice something in a store window.
(it sonds like he slowed to notice something in the window, Gayle. Reread and see if you see what I mean.)
When his glance once more strayed to the blonde woman
"Didn't you see how that blonde woman
('blond' - no 'e' in these usages.)
He reflected on the success of the evening and the liberating feeling he had. (<--this 'he had' really hangs at the end of the sentence. Consider rephrasing. Again, I could be being too picky.)
He watched the sun sink into the ocean and
(This 'he watched' really stood out as telling. Try just 'As the sun sank into the ocean, he wished he had his camera (can kick 'with him'.)
I looked up "Parmigani", cause I wasn't sure if it was right: On wikipedia, it goes: 'Parmigiano'
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Sissy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hey Sis,
I thought blonde indicated a woman? No? Okay, 'parmigiano' it is! Will check out the other edits, too.
Thanks for the great review and comments, Sis. Talk soon,
Gayle
Comment from joelh605
This section has been all Nathan - careful that the book doesn't lose its focus. I surmise that you're going to put Nathan the well known artist and Cathy the well know sculptor back in circulation in the same circles, where both of them can resolve and move forward into the postlogue (but no double wedding!!! [smirk])
"We have to forget Cathy. Not only does she not return our feelings, she's in love with someone else. Someone with big dogs. Need I remind you of that? Just get over it."
"Fuck you."
"Right back at ya."
BRAVA!
Joel
PS less-than i greater-than is the formula to turn on italics "the hard way" i.e. from the basic editor, and to turn them off put a forward slash ahead of the i. Both i and I work. Ditto with b and B for bold.
J
=-=-=
The eggs had to go, as well as the blue-flecked bread.
..."bread so blue it reminded him of Planet Pandora" ? ROTFL
Nathan leaned back, allowing his waiter to place a small antipasto and a toasty garlic baguette before him. He took his time, enjoying his meal and the watching the girl at the far table.
"meal and the watching the" sounds awkward; he's enjoying the watching, we get it - but there has to be a smoother way to say it, i.e. without bracketing "watching" that way.
"Parmigani?"
Isn't there another i in there? "Parmigiani?"
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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This section has been all Nathan - careful that the book doesn't lose its focus. I surmise that you're going to put Nathan the well known artist and Cathy the well know sculptor back in circulation in the same circles, where both of them can resolve and move forward into the postlogue (but no double wedding!!! [smirk])
"We have to forget Cathy. Not only does she not return our feelings, she's in love with someone else. Someone with big dogs. Need I remind you of that? Just get over it."
"Fuck you."
"Right back at ya."
BRAVA!
Joel
PS less-than i greater-than is the formula to turn on italics "the hard way" i.e. from the basic editor, and to turn them off put a forward slash ahead of the i. Both i and I work. Ditto with b and B for bold.
J
=-=-=
The eggs had to go, as well as the blue-flecked bread.
..."bread so blue it reminded him of Planet Pandora" ? ROTFL
Nathan leaned back, allowing his waiter to place a small antipasto and a toasty garlic baguette before him. He took his time, enjoying his meal and the watching the girl at the far table.
"meal and the watching the" sounds awkward; he's enjoying the watching, we get it - but there has to be a smoother way to say it, i.e. without bracketing "watching" that way.
"Parmigani?"
Isn't there another i in there? "Parmigiani?"
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hey Joel,
Glad you liked this one. Plante Pandors? LOL! Okay, Sissy says it's spelled 'parmigiano'...I'm sayin', when will I ever learn to leave the other languages alone?!? I gotta fix the 'meal/watching' thingy too. Dave says I'm dangling!
You are the bestest, buddy!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
Nathan has been released. He is free to resume his life. He even flirted with a woman in the restaurant. Unfortunately, Norman only wants Cathy. Can Nathan stand up to Norman?
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Nathan has been released. He is free to resume his life. He even flirted with a woman in the restaurant. Unfortunately, Norman only wants Cathy. Can Nathan stand up to Norman?
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hi Ready,
Yes, that's the big question. Who will win, Nathan or Norman.
Thanks for the great review,
Gayle
Comment from fictionwriter
I love this chapter. I want to eat in that restraunt too. Sounds like a wonderful dinner, and he even got some feminine attention. Great job.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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I love this chapter. I want to eat in that restraunt too. Sounds like a wonderful dinner, and he even got some feminine attention. Great job.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hi,
I hope he's able to win out over Norman and make a good life for himself. You can't help but feel sorry for him.
Thanks for the great review.
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
I love that interaction between Nathan and Norman. A bit of foreshadowing, I presume. Anyway, a heck of a good job.
Here's one tiny little nit:
'Oh, yes.' He drew another deep breath of salty air and nodded. It was good to be home.
Since that's going to show up in italics, wouldn't it be better to lose that 'was' sentence in favor of continuing the thought?
'Oh, yes.' He drew another deep breath of salty air and nodded. 'It is good to be home.'
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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I love that interaction between Nathan and Norman. A bit of foreshadowing, I presume. Anyway, a heck of a good job.
Here's one tiny little nit:
'Oh, yes.' He drew another deep breath of salty air and nodded. It was good to be home.
Since that's going to show up in italics, wouldn't it be better to lose that 'was' sentence in favor of continuing the thought?
'Oh, yes.' He drew another deep breath of salty air and nodded. 'It is good to be home.'
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Oh, Freddie, hello again!
Yes, you're right about the 'was' and I'll fix.
So good to see you pop up again. I missed you!
Hugs,
Annabelle
Comment from c_lucas
It looks like you are about to wrap this story up. Your chapter was very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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It looks like you are about to wrap this story up. Your chapter was very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hi Charlie,
Well, we have a bit more to go, still, but we're winding down. Thanks for the fine comments and rating,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gail. Charlie
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
So Norman's throwing a shit fit. We'll see who prevails. And I really like it that Nathan is trying to get a life. If he were more open to people, he'd succeed. He has some looks and a very lucrative job.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Take care, Nathan and feel free to call me whenever you want." Donnie just used Nathan's name, and I don't think he'd say it again.
"After three months of living in Donnie's pocket and dealing with people all day and half the night, the dark, silent condo seemed cold and disturbing at first, almost ominous." Oh dear, a dangling participle. Also, I don't think "at first" adds anything. You will show him adjusting a bit later. I'd write, "After three months of living in Donnie's pocket and dealing with people all day and half the night, Nathan found the dark, silent condo cold and disturbing, almost ominous."
"A very sour, almost solid half-gallon of milk greeted him with its pungent aroma." This sounds like something from my "Gross me out" contest.
"...and wished he had his camera {with him} so he could take that picture for posterity." I think the words in braces aren't needed. OW, I like this sentence. After all, he is a professional photographer.
Dave
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Gayle,
So Norman's throwing a shit fit. We'll see who prevails. And I really like it that Nathan is trying to get a life. If he were more open to people, he'd succeed. He has some looks and a very lucrative job.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Take care, Nathan and feel free to call me whenever you want." Donnie just used Nathan's name, and I don't think he'd say it again.
"After three months of living in Donnie's pocket and dealing with people all day and half the night, the dark, silent condo seemed cold and disturbing at first, almost ominous." Oh dear, a dangling participle. Also, I don't think "at first" adds anything. You will show him adjusting a bit later. I'd write, "After three months of living in Donnie's pocket and dealing with people all day and half the night, Nathan found the dark, silent condo cold and disturbing, almost ominous."
"A very sour, almost solid half-gallon of milk greeted him with its pungent aroma." This sounds like something from my "Gross me out" contest.
"...and wished he had his camera {with him} so he could take that picture for posterity." I think the words in braces aren't needed. OW, I like this sentence. After all, he is a professional photographer.
Dave
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hi Dave,
Great comments...and a dangler! Gosh, I hate when I do that. Glad you caught it. Will fix. Gross out contest? How'd I miss that one? LOL!
Thanks so much for the great ideas and your lovely stars,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
loved the 'conversation' between nathan and norman!
great chapter - a few things i noticed....
prize winning <-- shouldn't this be hyphenated?
Take care, Nathan and <-- don't know punc rules (rarely even use any lol) but shouldn't there be a comma after nathan?
Any time, right? So, give me a hug." <-- reads/sounds weird.... maybe 'any time, okay? now, give me a hug'?
and the watching the girl <-- extra 'the'?
other than that, nothing else noticed
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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loved the 'conversation' between nathan and norman!
great chapter - a few things i noticed....
prize winning <-- shouldn't this be hyphenated?
Take care, Nathan and <-- don't know punc rules (rarely even use any lol) but shouldn't there be a comma after nathan?
Any time, right? So, give me a hug." <-- reads/sounds weird.... maybe 'any time, okay? now, give me a hug'?
and the watching the girl <-- extra 'the'?
other than that, nothing else noticed
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hey Shelley,
Yes, prize-winning should be hyphhenated. It isn't there? Will fix. I'll also check on your other comments.
Thanks for the great R&R!
Hugs,
Gayle
