Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "A Drifting Mind"A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Gayle,
It is an interesting trip through this psycho's fantasies.
Nothing like a secret admirer, if they stay secret.
This guy is getting on their nerve3s though.
Now they are to be out in the country with all of those dogs and lots of room to run, too.
Nicely done,
Wayne
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Lady Gayle,
It is an interesting trip through this psycho's fantasies.
Nothing like a secret admirer, if they stay secret.
This guy is getting on their nerve3s though.
Now they are to be out in the country with all of those dogs and lots of room to run, too.
Nicely done,
Wayne
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Hey Buddy, you're making up for lost time, huh?
I love to write about stuff like this, although the research does get to be a bit much. Glad you liked it!
Thanks again, Wayne,
Gayle
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Play on!
Comment from RenieReader
This is getting to intense I can hardly stand it. Nothing like a lunatic who is sane part of the time to keep ones teeth on edge. Yet, they walk among us.
He'd recognized Rudy from the parking lot, hating his rival[on sight] in a wild, feral way(; ).
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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This is getting to intense I can hardly stand it. Nothing like a lunatic who is sane part of the time to keep ones teeth on edge. Yet, they walk among us.
He'd recognized Rudy from the parking lot, hating his rival[on sight] in a wild, feral way(; ).
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Renie, you would not believe the number of people who have this, to a greater or lesser degree. I'll add 'on sight' as you're right, it makes the sentence clearer!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Well, we can't ALL be wrong. Giggle.
Comment from c_lucas
You are doing a good job of making Norman into a real nut case. I like the way you are using all of the characters in the upcoming showdown.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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You are doing a good job of making Norman into a real nut case. I like the way you are using all of the characters in the upcoming showdown.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Hey Charlie,
Now we can really start moving. Thanks for the great review!
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Sasha
Once again you have written a superb chapter and left me breathless with anticipation of what is to come next. Your style of writing continues to impress me. I especially like how you convey the inner thoughts and demons of Norman adding tremendous fear of what this character is capable of. I only found one sentence you may want to look at. Not a big deal, just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Once again you have written a superb chapter and left me breathless with anticipation of what is to come next. Your style of writing continues to impress me. I especially like how you convey the inner thoughts and demons of Norman adding tremendous fear of what this character is capable of. I only found one sentence you may want to look at. Not a big deal, just a suggestion.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Hey Sasha,
I'd be glad to look at that sentence. Did you send it in a pm. Will check.
So glad I can hold your interest. One of your talent in writing has so much to share with others and I sure thank God that day you hit the 'next up' button. That was you, right?
However it happened, I'm sure glad I met you!
Gayle
Comment from jayesnb
You have a done a wonderful job with Norman... He has captured my attention and is holding it. A very good job with the development of this character ove the last few chapters...
There is nothing I can see to fix or change.. Wish I had more to give in that regard to help you.. But since I dont I'll just cntinue to give encouragement..
great job once again.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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You have a done a wonderful job with Norman... He has captured my attention and is holding it. A very good job with the development of this character ove the last few chapters...
There is nothing I can see to fix or change.. Wish I had more to give in that regard to help you.. But since I dont I'll just cntinue to give encouragement..
great job once again.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much, Jaye, I really appreciate seeing you and hope you'll continue to read along!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
[heart rate] <-- shouldn't this be one word?
[Oh, you're so dead.'] <-- suggestion: since this is his thoughts maybe spell out 'you are'? (Oh, you are so dead.) - say it aloud like 'oh you are sooo dead' -- just a thought ;)
other than that stuff another great chapter
can't wait to see if 'norman' follows them all the way to the ranch.... and what happens then hehe
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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[heart rate] <-- shouldn't this be one word?
[Oh, you're so dead.'] <-- suggestion: since this is his thoughts maybe spell out 'you are'? (Oh, you are so dead.) - say it aloud like 'oh you are sooo dead' -- just a thought ;)
other than that stuff another great chapter
can't wait to see if 'norman' follows them all the way to the ranch.... and what happens then hehe
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Hey Shelley,
Absolutely right on the 'you're so dead' Yes. Will adjust. I'll also check out. Heartbeat or heart beat, both right depending on how it's used. Now I have to go see.
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
Comment from patmedium
Horrendous: edge-of-my-seat stuff.
This is simply too much, Gayle, keeping me waiting like this. Moan Moan Grumble grumble!
Congratulations, dear.
Pat.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Horrendous: edge-of-my-seat stuff.
This is simply too much, Gayle, keeping me waiting like this. Moan Moan Grumble grumble!
Congratulations, dear.
Pat.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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LOL! Poor dude, but wait, more is coming. The next couple of chapters will spell things out better! Stay tuned!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Fancy telling me to stay tuned... I'm tied to your shirt tails! Pat.
Comment from Readywriter52
The guy is crazy. He actually thinks that Cathy left him. What I want to know is what happened to Nathan Stanley. Are Norman and Nathan the same person?
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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The guy is crazy. He actually thinks that Cathy left him. What I want to know is what happened to Nathan Stanley. Are Norman and Nathan the same person?
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Oh, yes he is. And very smart; crafty, too. Norman is Nathan's inner personality. Nathan gets kinda run over by Norman whenever it suits his purpose.
Thanks for the great review,
Gayle
Comment from joelh605
He scooped up some olives, smiling as he heard her talk with joy of Suzi's safe return.
Yo! Thanks for reinforcing the fact that Bad Bart, a.k.a. Norman Stanley, a.k.a. the dual personality, is such a complete gonzo.
He turned his back to them and scurried to his car, wanting to get inside, hide behind the darkened windows and make himself ready to follow them.
Ohhhh, my goodness. He won't be left behind, but...scurries like a rat for a dark place to hide.
Gayle, you got this poor guy's sadness so nailed.
Joel
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He walked back to his seat, and sipping his drink, allowed himself to relax in her company.
"seat and sipping his drink" because "sipping his drink" is the throwaway phrase; those get blocked off by punctuation.
Cathy's table, far at the back end of the room, yet clearly visible,
"far...visible" is good to go without the comma in the middle of it.
In the corner, surrounded by several ficus trees and a variety of musical instruments sat a man
"surrounded...instruments" is another such bracketable phrase: needs a comma after "instruments" to complete the bracketing. In the corner [,xxx,] sat...
displaying him in splendid silhouette on the stark white canvass behind him,
canvas, one s; canvass is a verb
"I sure do, and I think now we can afford those extras we weren't sure about when we first talked. In this economy, we'll be able to get a great house built for a song."
Just between you and me, land is cheaper and labor a little cheaper, but already-built homes are the ones going for tuppence ha'p'ny.
He'd recognized Rudy from the parking lot, hating his rival in a wild, feral way; on sight.
"on sight" isn't a complete sentence, so the semicolon has to lose it's top hat and be demoted to comma - or the bottom half lose its waggy tail and be promoted to full colon - or replace with a dash. So many choices, so little time!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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He scooped up some olives, smiling as he heard her talk with joy of Suzi's safe return.
Yo! Thanks for reinforcing the fact that Bad Bart, a.k.a. Norman Stanley, a.k.a. the dual personality, is such a complete gonzo.
He turned his back to them and scurried to his car, wanting to get inside, hide behind the darkened windows and make himself ready to follow them.
Ohhhh, my goodness. He won't be left behind, but...scurries like a rat for a dark place to hide.
Gayle, you got this poor guy's sadness so nailed.
Joel
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He walked back to his seat, and sipping his drink, allowed himself to relax in her company.
"seat and
Cathy's table, far at the back end of the room, yet clearly visible,
"far...visible" is good to go without the comma in the middle of it.
In the corner, surrounded by several ficus trees and a variety of musical instruments sat a man
"surrounded...instruments" is another such bracketable phrase: needs a comma after "instruments" to complete the bracketing. In the corner [,xxx,] sat...
displaying him in splendid silhouette on the stark white canvass behind him,
canvas, one s; canvass is a verb
"I sure do, and I think now we can afford those extras we weren't sure about when we first talked. In this economy, we'll be able to get a great house built for a song."
Just between you and me, land is cheaper and labor a little cheaper, but already-built homes are the ones going for tuppence ha'p'ny.
He'd recognized Rudy from the parking lot, hating his rival in a wild, feral way; on sight.
"on sight" isn't a complete sentence, so the semicolon has to lose it's top hat and be demoted to comma - or the bottom half lose its waggy tail and be promoted to full colon - or replace with a dash. So many choices, so little time!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Y'know, Joel, I find people like N/N fascinating to write about. Remember Waldo! LOL! Now, of course, there was a huge difference, but still suffering from similar problems.
I will paste this one out, and that other great one you gave me and make the edits today. I've been on an our of control tread mill and today I step off.
Thanks so much<~>
Gayle
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Oh do I remember him - Norman on sterfatoids, with no Nathan to rescue his sorry pimply arse. I wanted to take the whole book off line, rewrite it, and offer shared commercial authorship, but too many original authors ignored the plea.
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
Norman just won't give up. And I understand what happened with the previous chapter. You had to split one.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of comments:
"The restaurant parking lot filled to capacity, cars now utilized spaces along both sides of the street curb, surrounding Norman." I don't like using the word "now" outside of dialogue. Here's what I'd write: "With the restaurant parking lot filled to capacity, cars utilized spaces along both sides of the street curb, surrounding Norman."
"It's sitting in the bank not drawing enough interest to feed a mouse." Isn't this the truth?
Dave
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Gayle,
Norman just won't give up. And I understand what happened with the previous chapter. You had to split one.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of comments:
"The restaurant parking lot filled to capacity, cars now utilized spaces along both sides of the street curb, surrounding Norman." I don't like using the word "now" outside of dialogue. Here's what I'd write: "With the restaurant parking lot filled to capacity, cars utilized spaces along both sides of the street curb, surrounding Norman."
"It's sitting in the bank not drawing enough interest to feed a mouse." Isn't this the truth?
Dave
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Well, Dave, it won't be the first time, but may I just steal that entire sentence? It's perfect and exactly what I meant!
Banks? So far they're just one step above the band of thieves on Wall St. Makes me sick!
Hugs,
Gayle
