Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Norman at Ella's"A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. Just reading it makes my mouth water, and the food wasn't the most important thing. This bridge chapter keeps everyone on the same page, so it's needed. But one thing causes me to wonder - your title. It sounds like Norman is paying Ella's a visit, perhaps having tailed Cathy there. But he is only mentioned. Maybe he'll show up there in the next chapter. I also have to break chapters up so they fit into Fanstory's format.
I found one uncorrectable typo:
"The girls hugged again while making much of their long-lost pall [pal]."
Dave
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. Just reading it makes my mouth water, and the food wasn't the most important thing. This bridge chapter keeps everyone on the same page, so it's needed. But one thing causes me to wonder - your title. It sounds like Norman is paying Ella's a visit, perhaps having tailed Cathy there. But he is only mentioned. Maybe he'll show up there in the next chapter. I also have to break chapters up so they fit into Fanstory's format.
I found one uncorrectable typo:
"The girls hugged again while making much of their long-lost pall [pal]."
Dave
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Crud, I finally got that guy outa there! Thanks for the good eye. Yes, I had to break this one. It's so agrivating to the reader, but how can you publish a 4500 word chapter? They'd be dropping like flies!
Ah, good friend, thanks so much for the great read. I'll be up in your neck of the woods later this morning!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from jayesnb
Another great chapter.. I enjoyed how you led up to the scene with with the first two paragrapgs.. a sort of history lesson on the restaraunt..this gave way to more great diaogue..
I could picture myself seated at the table with the guys just hangin out and conversatin...Had a laid back easy feel to it...
great job..
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Another great chapter.. I enjoyed how you led up to the scene with with the first two paragrapgs.. a sort of history lesson on the restaraunt..this gave way to more great diaogue..
I could picture myself seated at the table with the guys just hangin out and conversatin...Had a laid back easy feel to it...
great job..
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Hey Jaye,
I'm so glad you're enjoying this one. I'm so familiar ewth the setting and most of the characters, they're like old friends and easy to work with. Glad you like that.
Your review is so appreciated, my friend,
Gayle
Comment from RaymondJohn
Excellent narrative. You use all the necessary tools. I like the pace and dialog. I could use a bit more detail, but it is fine the way it is. Thanks for a fine write. Ray.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Excellent narrative. You use all the necessary tools. I like the pace and dialog. I could use a bit more detail, but it is fine the way it is. Thanks for a fine write. Ray.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Hey Ray,
Been ages! Thanks for stopping by and for the great R&R. Hope all is well with you and that you come over again.
Gayle
Comment from ZigzagMLT
Excellent, once again. This is a great story. I hope you have big plans for it. It ccontinues to reel me in deeper each time.
Thanks for the line!
Zigzaglt
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Excellent, once again. This is a great story. I hope you have big plans for it. It ccontinues to reel me in deeper each time.
Thanks for the line!
Zigzaglt
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Oh, Ziggy,
I sure do. Once we get through the FS edit, then I reedit again and THEN I send it off to a pro editor. THEN I'll publish it! Takes forever, even when you do it yourself!
Thanks for your help and input!
Gayle
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Do let me know when you publish this one. It's going to be a great one! Z
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Promise!
Comment from shelley kaye
[long-lost pall] <-- one 'l' (pal)
other than that another great chapter
can't wait to read the rest of it
liked all the descriptions at the beginning
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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[long-lost pall] <-- one 'l' (pal)
other than that another great chapter
can't wait to read the rest of it
liked all the descriptions at the beginning
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Hey shelley
I finally got that 'l' fixed. Sheesh, couldn't find it there for a while. What a ditz I am!
Hey, little Cali gurl, you have a great weekend, get down to the beach and do a little sunbathing for me!
Hugs,
Gayle
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:-)
hey, ever thought about investing in some real estate in south oc? i could rent it from you and you could come visit in the summer when you're melting in ps :)
Comment from Korton
Another excellent chapter. I guess Norman shows up in the second half. It will be very interesting to see how Suzi reacts to Norman; that may tell us a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if the next half doesn't get several of the characters get involved in a little action. My guess is that Norman followed them to the restuarant. Very well done.
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Another excellent chapter. I guess Norman shows up in the second half. It will be very interesting to see how Suzi reacts to Norman; that may tell us a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if the next half doesn't get several of the characters get involved in a little action. My guess is that Norman followed them to the restuarant. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
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Right on, Frank,
I really had fun with the next couple of chapters. Hope you agree!
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
