A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "And The Oscar Goes To...."Autobiography of abuse
12 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
Another fantastic chapter. You have some great dialogue in here between the two friends. Love the bit about the high school jerk. Served him right.
Nice job.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2009
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Another fantastic chapter. You have some great dialogue in here between the two friends. Love the bit about the high school jerk. Served him right.
Nice job.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 08-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2009
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Thanks. Looking back I thought of lots of things I oould have said.
Comment from Lois Delaney
LOOking for love in all the wrong places. How sad! Jackie's advice was ptobably working for her, but why does one have to pretend? If sex is all they want, they can get it elsewhere is what I think.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2009
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LOOking for love in all the wrong places. How sad! Jackie's advice was ptobably working for her, but why does one have to pretend? If sex is all they want, they can get it elsewhere is what I think.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2009
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My point exactly. But I was young, inexperienced and just didn't khow any better. Jackie honestly thought she was helping.
Comment from laurelp
How sad life was for you. At a time of your life when it should have been blossoming, you were is a dark and dank place. Life has been unfair to you, no people have been unfair to you. They made your life what it was. This chapter like the last one, was different. It showed the possibilities out there that somehow you have not been seeing or using. Each time I read a chapter I keep hoping you will find the door to release you. I know it will come, it is just so sad the path you had to take.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2009
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How sad life was for you. At a time of your life when it should have been blossoming, you were is a dark and dank place. Life has been unfair to you, no people have been unfair to you. They made your life what it was. This chapter like the last one, was different. It showed the possibilities out there that somehow you have not been seeing or using. Each time I read a chapter I keep hoping you will find the door to release you. I know it will come, it is just so sad the path you had to take.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I do eventually find the door, but it is a long difficult trip.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
1. She had a large nose, terrible teeth, bad skin, and the figure of a weight lifter. But she was smart, funny, and had a bubbly personality that lit up a room. She was the perfect example of the usual response given to the first question a guy asks when a friend is trying to set him up with a blind date. "Is she pretty?" "No, but she has a great personality"{Great character sketch of Jackie. I have friends like her. Did you notice that once you became friends looks became secondary. I know people who put the ugh in ugly, but after I truly got to know them the blemished just disappeared.}
2. No one showed any interest in getting to know me better. Every date I went on concluded, as all the others, in a quick drive to a dark, secluded corner of a nearby parking lot. None resulted in a second date. {I relate to the same type of experiences. I also sulfured from poor self esteem and truly bad looks. When I was fourteen at the height of mental abuse from my stepfather, I was a physical wreck. I was six-four, but weighed only 110 pounds. To top off my skinny physique, i had a severe overbite and acne. For years I could look in any mirror and know why I wasn't close to girls. I cried almost every time I saw myself. When I finally started to date, I weighed over 200 pounds , my teeth were straight and my skin was clear, but when I looked in the mirror I saw the same ugly fourteen year old 'freak.'I didn't have sex on the first or any other date. At that time I would have welcomed your sexual problems. Still this early experience lets me relate to you opposite problem. I think I also understand how your father's abuses made sex mechanical and enjoyably.}
As you say in your Author Notes, you entered an adult world as a young and inexperienced child. My problem as well and the main reason, I am captivated by Valerie's story. I will keep reading as I study her escape from social hell.
Roger
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
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1. She had a large nose, terrible teeth, bad skin, and the figure of a weight lifter. But she was smart, funny, and had a bubbly personality that lit up a room. She was the perfect example of the usual response given to the first question a guy asks when a friend is trying to set him up with a blind date. "Is she pretty?" "No, but she has a great personality"{Great character sketch of Jackie. I have friends like her. Did you notice that once you became friends looks became secondary. I know people who put the ugh in ugly, but after I truly got to know them the blemished just disappeared.}
2. No one showed any interest in getting to know me better. Every date I went on concluded, as all the others, in a quick drive to a dark, secluded corner of a nearby parking lot. None resulted in a second date. {I relate to the same type of experiences. I also sulfured from poor self esteem and truly bad looks. When I was fourteen at the height of mental abuse from my stepfather, I was a physical wreck. I was six-four, but weighed only 110 pounds. To top off my skinny physique, i had a severe overbite and acne. For years I could look in any mirror and know why I wasn't close to girls. I cried almost every time I saw myself. When I finally started to date, I weighed over 200 pounds , my teeth were straight and my skin was clear, but when I looked in the mirror I saw the same ugly fourteen year old 'freak.'I didn't have sex on the first or any other date. At that time I would have welcomed your sexual problems. Still this early experience lets me relate to you opposite problem. I think I also understand how your father's abuses made sex mechanical and enjoyably.}
As you say in your Author Notes, you entered an adult world as a young and inexperienced child. My problem as well and the main reason, I am captivated by Valerie's story. I will keep reading as I study her escape from social hell.
Roger
Comment Written 02-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2009
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Life as an unattractive teenager can be a tough road....but it looks like we survived. 6'4" and 110...my heart goes out to you. Thanks for the great review and high rating!
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
What a chapter, Smurphy!
Many interesting observations about human psychology were made. The orgasm question is an interesting one! lol
Just a couple of notes:
1) The phrase "year-and-a-half" used twice in back to back sentences and is redundant. Omit one usage. I suggest the opening sentence simply state:
"Life at home was different after my hiatus."
2) In the following sentence the word "school" is used twice. Omit one reference. Try using the word "classmates" instead of "schoolmates" as follows:
"I often ran into ex-classmates who had completely ignored me at school."
Hope this helps! Please let me know if you would like me to re-review.
Again, riviting work!
Seraph~
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2009
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What a chapter, Smurphy!
Many interesting observations about human psychology were made. The orgasm question is an interesting one! lol
Just a couple of notes:
1) The phrase "year-and-a-half" used twice in back to back sentences and is redundant. Omit one usage. I suggest the opening sentence simply state:
"Life at home was different after my hiatus."
2) In the following sentence the word "school" is used twice. Omit one reference. Try using the word "classmates" instead of "schoolmates" as follows:
"I often ran into ex-classmates who had completely ignored me at school."
Hope this helps! Please let me know if you would like me to re-review.
Again, riviting work!
Seraph~
Comment Written 01-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2009
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Thanks. I fix the erros after I finish this. Again, thanks for all the help.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
The content of this chapter has left me with goosebumps; it is exactly how I feel (and have always felt) about sex. It never fails to amaze me that anyone would actually WANT to so degrade someone they love with such disgusting and base acts. You have written very well indeed, and have revealed how it is that abused girls sometimes go on to 'have a reputation' as you put it. Again, no faults that I could find to pick on in this chapter. Well written. Good job.
all the best.
Kat
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2009
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The content of this chapter has left me with goosebumps; it is exactly how I feel (and have always felt) about sex. It never fails to amaze me that anyone would actually WANT to so degrade someone they love with such disgusting and base acts. You have written very well indeed, and have revealed how it is that abused girls sometimes go on to 'have a reputation' as you put it. Again, no faults that I could find to pick on in this chapter. Well written. Good job.
all the best.
Kat
Comment Written 01-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2009
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Thak you. I sincerely value your opinion.
Comment from jodeecee
Jackie, a life long friend of Teresa/s/, took an interest in me.
I got little comfort knowing there was probably nothing I could have said/that/ would have erased the memory of what he had done.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2009
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Jackie, a life long friend of Teresa/s/, took an interest in me.
I got little comfort knowing there was probably nothing I could have said/that/ would have erased the memory of what he had done.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2009
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Thank you once again for your excelent "eagle eyes". I sincerely appreciate your diligence.
Comment from BethShelby
Interesting read. It kept moving me forward so I think you have done what you've set out to do. I found a couple of things that need correcting. Otherwise: Good job.
of appreciated Jackie's advice; I knew she mean well.(meant)
and in your author notes: a couple of misspelled words.
skills (you have skils) insecure (You have insecue)
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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Interesting read. It kept moving me forward so I think you have done what you've set out to do. I found a couple of things that need correcting. Otherwise: Good job.
of appreciated Jackie's advice; I knew she mean well.(meant)
and in your author notes: a couple of misspelled words.
skills (you have skils) insecure (You have insecue)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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Thak you for your kind review. I will go over the chapter again to correct the errors. Thank you again, for taking the time to read and critique my work.
Comment from darwina7
I really liked this chapter -- it flows well, and I as a reader "bought into" the story because it was realistic and plausible. The dialogue between jackie and the narrator was done well, too. I also enjoyed how Smurphgirl defies the reader's expectations at the chapter's end: I assumed that her beautiful protagonist would land a boyfriend after she began to act like she enjoyed sex, although admittedly the books she used for reference weren't exactly THE KAMA SUTRA.
One suggestion I have is that the author use more descriptive language and imagery. It would be nice to have a better picture in one's head of how the characters look, etc. Overall, however, I think this is very good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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I really liked this chapter -- it flows well, and I as a reader "bought into" the story because it was realistic and plausible. The dialogue between jackie and the narrator was done well, too. I also enjoyed how Smurphgirl defies the reader's expectations at the chapter's end: I assumed that her beautiful protagonist would land a boyfriend after she began to act like she enjoyed sex, although admittedly the books she used for reference weren't exactly THE KAMA SUTRA.
One suggestion I have is that the author use more descriptive language and imagery. It would be nice to have a better picture in one's head of how the characters look, etc. Overall, however, I think this is very good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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Thank you. I sinerely appreciae your suggestions. I will look over the chapter and see what I can do to improve the imagery.
Comment from Gip7
Let me first say that Valerie needs therapy -- a few years of it. The shame and fear that comes with such a dysfunctional childhood does not go away by itself -- ever. Even with therapy, a person can function normally to society, most can be above-normal and exceed quite well, but inside they never lose that 'little girl' to adult fear. There's a famous actor, Michael Caine, older and when interviewed a few years back said that his childhood was so bad that even to this day he always still feels like a child when communicating with adults. How true, eh? Valerie needs professional help and early in life -- it's a much softer road to travel after that. I think you did a good job with the story. Again, the sex is always an issue here, as you have indicated. People respond to us with what we give out to them, so Valerie has to change -- not everyone else. There's deep emotions, fear, shame etc. portrayed in this story. Good job.
grammar: para: 'He and his friends . . .' last line: replace 'were' with 'was' laughing
line: 'Jackie shook . . .' replace 'gave' with 'give'
line: 'Jackie left the room . . .' 'Payton' or 'Peyton'?
line: 'I wondered . . .' either take the 's' off 'orgasms' or take out the 'an'
line: 'I appreciate Jackie's . . .' replace mean with meant
Thanks. I look forward to more of your work.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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Let me first say that Valerie needs therapy -- a few years of it. The shame and fear that comes with such a dysfunctional childhood does not go away by itself -- ever. Even with therapy, a person can function normally to society, most can be above-normal and exceed quite well, but inside they never lose that 'little girl' to adult fear. There's a famous actor, Michael Caine, older and when interviewed a few years back said that his childhood was so bad that even to this day he always still feels like a child when communicating with adults. How true, eh? Valerie needs professional help and early in life -- it's a much softer road to travel after that. I think you did a good job with the story. Again, the sex is always an issue here, as you have indicated. People respond to us with what we give out to them, so Valerie has to change -- not everyone else. There's deep emotions, fear, shame etc. portrayed in this story. Good job.
grammar: para: 'He and his friends . . .' last line: replace 'were' with 'was' laughing
line: 'Jackie shook . . .' replace 'gave' with 'give'
line: 'Jackie left the room . . .' 'Payton' or 'Peyton'?
line: 'I wondered . . .' either take the 's' off 'orgasms' or take out the 'an'
line: 'I appreciate Jackie's . . .' replace mean with meant
Thanks. I look forward to more of your work.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2009
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Thak you for your excellent critique. Without giving out any secrets, don't worry, Valerie does get help, just not as soon as she should have. Again, thank you for your kind review.
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You are welcome, Smurphgirl, and I'm glad she does get help. Thanks for letting me know that. Gip
