For I had known her
A short story of life, death and addiction.10 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
I did see it coming that the child was going to be his, but that made it none-the-less of a good read.
Sadly, these things do happen all too often in our macabre world.
Good job!
D
reply by the author on 16-May-2024
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I did see it coming that the child was going to be his, but that made it none-the-less of a good read.
Sadly, these things do happen all too often in our macabre world.
Good job!
D
Comment Written 15-May-2024
reply by the author on 16-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from robyn corum
EB,
This was a really moving and dear story. You wrote as someone who might have some knowledge of these things - nice! (scary, but nice.)
I do have a couple small comments for your consideration:
1.) For the very first time that I can remember, there was not another soul around (the) alley.
2.) but she shook her head in agreement
--> a nod is agreement
3.) one issue I saw repeated throughout is incorrect punctuation with your dialogue. I'm gonna try to offer you my favorite reference on that. FS watches for "certain things" so I hope you'll see through the lines?
--> try: editors(no space)blog (dot) net /and search "punctuation in dialogue"
Thanks a bunch!
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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EB,
This was a really moving and dear story. You wrote as someone who might have some knowledge of these things - nice! (scary, but nice.)
I do have a couple small comments for your consideration:
1.) For the very first time that I can remember, there was not another soul around (the) alley.
2.) but she shook her head in agreement
--> a nod is agreement
3.) one issue I saw repeated throughout is incorrect punctuation with your dialogue. I'm gonna try to offer you my favorite reference on that. FS watches for "certain things" so I hope you'll see through the lines?
--> try: editors(no space)blog (dot) net /and search "punctuation in dialogue"
Thanks a bunch!
Comment Written 15-May-2024
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Thanks. Someone else noted the very same things. If I were me I would listen this time.
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Thanks. Someone else noted the very same things. If I were me I would listen this time.
Comment from joann r romei
What an interesting story, I enjoyed it and felt the concern while reading, you may want to add to it, wind, thankful for being sober, babies cry, because the beginning is about you in detail, and then quick with the tension of the story, all in all nicely done.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2024
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What an interesting story, I enjoyed it and felt the concern while reading, you may want to add to it, wind, thankful for being sober, babies cry, because the beginning is about you in detail, and then quick with the tension of the story, all in all nicely done.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2024
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Life is always all about us until it's not. It can happen in an instant, without detail or understanding. Forgive me for saying it like this, but it's a bit like love. It just happens sometimes. That was the message. Sorry it fell flat in that. I'll read more of you when I can. You're pretty good. I tried poetry. It read like bad clog dancing; gave me a headache.
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The story didn't fall flat, you weren't into creating that moment as much as the going out to get drinks. I'll try to read more of your work. Feel free to give me pointers on where and how to improve my writing, I encourage the reader to comment.
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I will
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your writing does a great job of setting the atmosphere. I was drawn into the cold and unforgiving winter night thanks to your excellent imagery. The scene with the mother to be was powerful and touching. Your storytelling skillfully shows us the darkness of addiction and despair. But I also saw glimpses of hope. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Your writing does a great job of setting the atmosphere. I was drawn into the cold and unforgiving winter night thanks to your excellent imagery. The scene with the mother to be was powerful and touching. Your storytelling skillfully shows us the darkness of addiction and despair. But I also saw glimpses of hope. Great job!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Thank you. I am encouraged to keep trying until I really get it right.
Comment from HaleyRenae
I am honestly struggling to hold back tears as I type this.You truly set the scene for this piece of work and I felt as if I couldn't read it fast enough. It had me hooked from the beginning and forgetting it was a work of fiction. The twist at the end jolted me and also wrapped the whole story up perfectly. Beautifully done!
-Haley
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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I am honestly struggling to hold back tears as I type this.You truly set the scene for this piece of work and I felt as if I couldn't read it fast enough. It had me hooked from the beginning and forgetting it was a work of fiction. The twist at the end jolted me and also wrapped the whole story up perfectly. Beautifully done!
-Haley
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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I wanted that reaction and am fighting back tears myself reading this. It is fiction, but the reality is that this is the truth for many people. We forget or don?t care. Please be the one who just forgets. Blessings all day
Comment from prettybluebirds
You hooked me with this story. It grabbed my attention and held it to the end, which had a surprising twist. Marvelous writing, My friend. I look forward to reading more of the same from you.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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You hooked me with this story. It grabbed my attention and held it to the end, which had a surprising twist. Marvelous writing, My friend. I look forward to reading more of the same from you.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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It is my best. Proelium is second and Adam is a struggle to edit lol. Thanks I?ll read more of you soon.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
This was a good story. Here are a few puncuation problems I saw.
A little way through my journey I began again to feel the need for drink (comma needed after journey)
confidence for me, but, also not the moment for indecision or procrastination. (remove the comma after the word but)
The mother, in a very bad state, but, now conscious, (remove the comma after the word but)
I was not calm, but, she shook her head in agreement and we began this oddest of bonding experiences (remove the comma after the word but)
When writing for this site. you should put a space between each paragraph.
hope this helps. good luck
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2024
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This was a good story. Here are a few puncuation problems I saw.
A little way through my journey I began again to feel the need for drink (comma needed after journey)
confidence for me, but, also not the moment for indecision or procrastination. (remove the comma after the word but)
The mother, in a very bad state, but, now conscious, (remove the comma after the word but)
I was not calm, but, she shook her head in agreement and we began this oddest of bonding experiences (remove the comma after the word but)
When writing for this site. you should put a space between each paragraph.
hope this helps. good luck
Comment Written 20-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2024
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Funny you should say that because I did and when I uploaded they were removed. I'll watch that and fix errors.
Comment from FurryBunny
This story delves deep into the complexities of human relationships and strength in challenging times. While it may not suit all readers, for those seeking a raw, emotional narrative, it leaves a lasting impression.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2024
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This story delves deep into the complexities of human relationships and strength in challenging times. While it may not suit all readers, for those seeking a raw, emotional narrative, it leaves a lasting impression.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2024
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I thought I had replied to thank you. I might have forgotten to save it. I have read some of your poems and like them. Always criticism is accepted. It doesn't have to be positive, I'm a big boy. Just make it honest so I can grow. Thanks.
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I thought I had replied to thank you. I might have forgotten to save it. I have read some of your poems and like them. Always criticism is accepted. It doesn't have to be positive, I'm a big boy. Just make it honest so I can grow. Thanks.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
What an amazing story of survival. A man, at his utter last, reached out to help another. The woman died, the baby survived and the man...hopefully changed one way or another. A bond was formed beyond convention, but formed.
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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What an amazing story of survival. A man, at his utter last, reached out to help another. The woman died, the baby survived and the man...hopefully changed one way or another. A bond was formed beyond convention, but formed.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Wow, I never thought of the experience changing him, but I guess it would. Thank you.
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You're welcome, and good luck and have fun on this site!
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
That was a great story I enjoyed from beginning to end, the end being the icing on the cake and a complete surprise. What a Christmas gift! Thank you.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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That was a great story I enjoyed from beginning to end, the end being the icing on the cake and a complete surprise. What a Christmas gift! Thank you.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
