Legacy
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Legacy"Eighth graders learn their place in history
14 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Illustrated by slamming his book down on top of his desk, the first paragraph indicates Brian is not a happy camper in his history class.
"It will easy" should be It will be easy.
"parents on the west coast" should be parents on the West Coast.
"TV or game" should be TV or a game.
Interesting posting you have presented. So true to life. Believe Brian is going to enjoy this history class and learn much because of it.
Unique way to teach history. Better than the years long method of teaching the subject.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2024
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Illustrated by slamming his book down on top of his desk, the first paragraph indicates Brian is not a happy camper in his history class.
"It will easy" should be It will be easy.
"parents on the west coast" should be parents on the West Coast.
"TV or game" should be TV or a game.
Interesting posting you have presented. So true to life. Believe Brian is going to enjoy this history class and learn much because of it.
Unique way to teach history. Better than the years long method of teaching the subject.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2024
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Thank you SO much!!!!
Comment from Sharon Elwell
A very realistic segment. It was easy to visualize the classroom scene and the home. I'm curious to see where it goes from here. There were a few little things I noticed. "...fist bumps and high fives echoed..." doesn't seem right because those are silent gestures.
"You heard correct." seems like it should be "You heard correctly."
Quotation marks are missing before "Your children will someday..."
A word is missing in the sentence, "It will easy."
I think ",,,6 pound..." should be six-pound.
I'll be looking for the rest of Legacy!
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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A very realistic segment. It was easy to visualize the classroom scene and the home. I'm curious to see where it goes from here. There were a few little things I noticed. "...fist bumps and high fives echoed..." doesn't seem right because those are silent gestures.
"You heard correct." seems like it should be "You heard correctly."
Quotation marks are missing before "Your children will someday..."
A word is missing in the sentence, "It will easy."
I think ",,,6 pound..." should be six-pound.
I'll be looking for the rest of Legacy!
Comment Written 10-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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My editor friend usually reads my work and she finds all those pesky typos!! I have found a few and corrected them. I've tried uploading the next chapter but am warned that I've already used that title for a book, so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I'll keep working on it!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Interesting concept.
But realistically speaking (which your story does not have to be), how will kids learn enough to score well on standardized testing? But then, who cares who invented the cotton gin or the first steam engine?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Well written. Interesting concept.
But realistically speaking (which your story does not have to be), how will kids learn enough to score well on standardized testing? But then, who cares who invented the cotton gin or the first steam engine?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Standardized tests. YUK! I don't agree with them, but then, I don't teach and have to bow to a superior authority! I happen to know who invented the cotton gin, thanks to 4th or 5th grade - by Eli Whitney who was from Ohio and invented it a few miles from here just outside Savannah. Steam engine... no clue! *hee hee*.
Comment from nomi338
What an excellent teacher Brian has. There is no history like living history that you can touch and that touches you directly. I love looking at photos of Sophia Loren, Marylin Monroe, etc. When they were young and oh so hot. I even look at photos of myself when I was a young hotshot. My grandkids are amazed at how I looked back then as opposed at how I look in my 80s.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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What an excellent teacher Brian has. There is no history like living history that you can touch and that touches you directly. I love looking at photos of Sophia Loren, Marylin Monroe, etc. When they were young and oh so hot. I even look at photos of myself when I was a young hotshot. My grandkids are amazed at how I looked back then as opposed at how I look in my 80s.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Yeah, grandkids think we were born old! *grin*. Be patient... they'll get there someday! I'm 69 now. Looking back at my elementary school teachers, I thought some of them were so OLD. Now, I'm way past the age they were then! Life marches on!!
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Life teaches us many lessons, those of us who survive to see it.
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Life is the best teacher. My daddy used to call it, "The School of Hard Knocks." How right he was!
Comment from tfawcus
I'm hooked into this from the start. Will have to fan you so I don't miss any chapters. Dialogue pitch perfect. Emotional intensity high. Characters relatable. What more could a reader ask?
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I'm hooked into this from the start. Will have to fan you so I don't miss any chapters. Dialogue pitch perfect. Emotional intensity high. Characters relatable. What more could a reader ask?
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you. I'll upload chapter 2 very soon.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading and will become a fan so I don't miss any chapters.
"Instead of learning about" ... a dramatic pause ... "a bunch of dead people and dates, we are going to dig into your personal histories and family time periods." (I might have been better at history, if I was taught this way.)
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading and will become a fan so I don't miss any chapters.
"Instead of learning about" ... a dramatic pause ... "a bunch of dead people and dates, we are going to dig into your personal histories and family time periods." (I might have been better at history, if I was taught this way.)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for your kindness. I will upload Chapter 2 in a few days.
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Just curious, I checked this contest out and it said it doesn't begin until June or July first. I don't remember for sure. Can you post now and still qualify for the contest. You might want to check that out.
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This contest was for the month of March. I reached out to ask if I could post the rest of it at a later date and was told yes. I was going to post anyway because several expressed interest, but each time I try for chapter 2, I'm told the title is already taken. I am rather electronically challenged, so am not quite sure what I'm going to do! Thank you for your input. I'll look into it!!
Comment from estory
I think you created some memorable characters here, especially the boy and his mom. Through their dialogue, we watch this boy experience life. He begins to find connections with his parents, when his mother tells him of her life when she was his age. The realities of life contrast with the intangible hopes and dreams as well. We all dream of big things, then the unexpected results of irresponsible behavior form a new kind of life for us. I thought the dialogue was good, emotional, relateable. estory
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I think you created some memorable characters here, especially the boy and his mom. Through their dialogue, we watch this boy experience life. He begins to find connections with his parents, when his mother tells him of her life when she was his age. The realities of life contrast with the intangible hopes and dreams as well. We all dream of big things, then the unexpected results of irresponsible behavior form a new kind of life for us. I thought the dialogue was good, emotional, relateable. estory
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much. I will upload Chapter 2 in a few days.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Since I remember everything you've talked about, I guess that means those sixty plus years have sailed by so quickly it all seems like yesterday. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Since I remember everything you've talked about, I guess that means those sixty plus years have sailed by so quickly it all seems like yesterday. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Yep. I zipped through the 60s like a zipline (not that it's all downhill from here). I have about 380 more days of 60s until I hit the big 7-0. I'll be uploading chapter 2 in a few days.
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I'm 69. So, we are in the same age group. I look forward to reading Chapter-2. :-)
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I'll be 70 on May 2nd. So, I am probably your senior by a few months! *grin*
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Ha ha!! I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm laughing out loud. I'll be 69 on May 2, so you are probably MY senior!!
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I was 69 in February.
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crap! you're my senior by 3 months!
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I'm a bit electronically challenged. Every time I try to submit chapter 2 under Legacy, I get a warning that I've already used that title and can't submit. I guess I'll have to reach out to the help desk again *grin*
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I've had the same problem before. I'm sorry that I can't be of help, but I can't remember how the problem was resolved. Good Luck!
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Well, you make me feel better knowing it maybe ISN'T my lack of technical ability! I smile! You made my day!
Comment from Ulla
This a great first chapter for your new book. The concept is wonderful and is a great challenge for the youngsters. I bet they will have a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to reading more. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This a great first chapter for your new book. The concept is wonderful and is a great challenge for the youngsters. I bet they will have a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to reading more. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I will be uploading Chapter 2 in a few days.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What an original and fascinating start to your book told in near faultless prose and dialogue (just one small edit - It will (be)easy). You story is constructed well with typically bored boyish behaviour introducing us into an everyday teaching lesson which turns out to be something quite different and imaginative. After some natural posturing and inspired visuals from the teacher, Brian is hooked and he will obviously be the star of your book. What you achieve so compellingly here is the dialogue and, hence, the character build-up and the reader is instantly immersed into that kitchen scene as an illustration of how history can develop to create who we become. I can tell how much you're fascinated by people already. And this promises to be a great read! Good luck on the challenge! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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What an original and fascinating start to your book told in near faultless prose and dialogue (just one small edit - It will (be)easy). You story is constructed well with typically bored boyish behaviour introducing us into an everyday teaching lesson which turns out to be something quite different and imaginative. After some natural posturing and inspired visuals from the teacher, Brian is hooked and he will obviously be the star of your book. What you achieve so compellingly here is the dialogue and, hence, the character build-up and the reader is instantly immersed into that kitchen scene as an illustration of how history can develop to create who we become. I can tell how much you're fascinated by people already. And this promises to be a great read! Good luck on the challenge! Debbie
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much for your kind words. I am new to FanStory and didn't realize I had to submit a chapter a day. I tried to submit the entire book *grin*. Anyway, I think I'll just start uploading chapters and will upload Chapter 2 in a few days.
