DR. Don's Saloon
End of Civil War and cattle herds are the new business.6 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Congratulations on your first milestone post. You're very brave attempting a contest right off the bat. I highlighted a few areas that need editing. I would suggest you do a through edit. Good luck with the contest.
DR Don always said," Any illness of man or beast could be cured (move beginning quotation mark closer to ("Any...)
their owners often woke up at home the next morning being a tad unsure of how they got there, but glad (the following morning)
"We see the coming year of1866 to be a landmark opportunity for us," Lucile said.
DR Don continued, "When the war began in '61' most every eligible male took up their cause and formed Town and County army regiments to go to war. It was thought the war would be over in a month or so and they could get back to their normal lives. (Two dialogues in same paragraph. Each dialogue gets it own paragraph.)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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Congratulations on your first milestone post. You're very brave attempting a contest right off the bat. I highlighted a few areas that need editing. I would suggest you do a through edit. Good luck with the contest.
DR Don always said," Any illness of man or beast could be cured (move beginning quotation mark closer to ("Any...)
their owners often woke up at home the next morning being a tad unsure of how they got there, but glad (the following morning)
"We see the coming year of1866 to be a landmark opportunity for us," Lucile said.
DR Don continued, "When the war began in '61' most every eligible male took up their cause and formed Town and County army regiments to go to war. It was thought the war would be over in a month or so and they could get back to their normal lives. (Two dialogues in same paragraph. Each dialogue gets it own paragraph.)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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Thank you for your review and I will make the changes you suggest.
Comment from JP_Ryan
This was long, I sat with a cuppa looking for a quick read on my break, but I couldn't stop reading until I was done, i really enjoyed it, Dr Don and Lucile are great characters, I love how Lucile is a no nonsense woman who is fierce in defence of her man, and Dr Don just goes with the flow, not much phases him. thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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This was long, I sat with a cuppa looking for a quick read on my break, but I couldn't stop reading until I was done, i really enjoyed it, Dr Don and Lucile are great characters, I love how Lucile is a no nonsense woman who is fierce in defence of her man, and Dr Don just goes with the flow, not much phases him. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thank you for your kind words and I will shorten further submissions.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Congratulations on your first post!
I only read the first couple chapters, but I noticed a few repeated points.
Just a comment - 5'10" and only 165 couldn't be too muscled up. I'd put him at 180.
A hint about FanStorians - 1500-2000 words is about the limit of our attention span (or available reviewing time ). You could post longer pieces as books a chapter or two at a time.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Congratulations on your first post!
I only read the first couple chapters, but I noticed a few repeated points.
Just a comment - 5'10" and only 165 couldn't be too muscled up. I'd put him at 180.
A hint about FanStorians - 1500-2000 words is about the limit of our attention span (or available reviewing time ). You could post longer pieces as books a chapter or two at a time.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Thank you for yor comments. I will edit as you suggest.
The entry for this western contest asks for 2000 words minimum. If I cut the story off on chapter 1 it wouldn't meet the entry guidelines. Are you suggesting I submit one chapter at a time until I reach the word limit and the submit the entire story?
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No. I apologize. I missed that it was a contest requirement. They should have made the contest 1000 minimum.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
well this is certainly a whopper in terms of length. It may be too long though as the site normally views short stories as up to 7000 words and this comes in at over 8300. As such it'll struggle to get decent or in depth reviews as well.
I would have a look at your formatting as well. Inserting clear lines between your paragraphs can make for a much cleaner and easier read. Folk have a habit of skipping over big blocks of unbroken, dense text.
This also needs going over again in terms of the edit, specifically for proofing. There are a good few words which cut off with letters missing and some unfortunate line breaks which mess with the rhythm and flow of the work.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Hi there,
well this is certainly a whopper in terms of length. It may be too long though as the site normally views short stories as up to 7000 words and this comes in at over 8300. As such it'll struggle to get decent or in depth reviews as well.
I would have a look at your formatting as well. Inserting clear lines between your paragraphs can make for a much cleaner and easier read. Folk have a habit of skipping over big blocks of unbroken, dense text.
This also needs going over again in terms of the edit, specifically for proofing. There are a good few words which cut off with letters missing and some unfortunate line breaks which mess with the rhythm and flow of the work.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Thank you for ytour comments. I will edit the points you made.
What do you mean by "Clear lines between para's?
Comment from Esther Brown
You obviously have a great story line. Post Civil War gangs, DR Don and Lucille, gambling and some very interesting characters and action.
It needs to be formatted better. I think it would be easier to read if there were shorter paragraphs.
One little story to a chapter (maybe focus on development of the Bradley gang after the Civil War for Chapter 1). Leave out the confusing details about other gangs.
DR Don was delightful as a character and Lucile as well. Had to look up "bib shirts" and my hubby said John Wayne wore them...pretty cool. I liked the saloon, card game and the "cowboys" who were really the gang.
It is a good start for a book.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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You obviously have a great story line. Post Civil War gangs, DR Don and Lucille, gambling and some very interesting characters and action.
It needs to be formatted better. I think it would be easier to read if there were shorter paragraphs.
One little story to a chapter (maybe focus on development of the Bradley gang after the Civil War for Chapter 1). Leave out the confusing details about other gangs.
DR Don was delightful as a character and Lucile as well. Had to look up "bib shirts" and my hubby said John Wayne wore them...pretty cool. I liked the saloon, card game and the "cowboys" who were really the gang.
It is a good start for a book.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Thamks for your comments. I will include the corrections as suggested.
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I am awfully new at this. I found 2 reviewers who give specific comments which are very helpful to me. I need to do that. The story is definitely waiting to be told and quick...you may be one of the few who holds those memories. Esther
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Welcome! The first thing I wanted to mention was this was really long. Usually writers post one chapter at a time and they get feedback for every chapter. I would recommend removing chapter 2 - 8 so you get feedback for each chapter. And it's a bit hard to read something that long online. Now to my review!
The portrayal of life on Dr Don's farm is excellent. I love all the colorful characters and rich detail. The scenes of everyone together. The music - laughter and Lucile's expert sewing was wonderful. The story continues. That was just the first chapter! Again, you can edit this, remove the other chapters, and I'd love to continue to read your book.
Oh - welcome! This is a fantastic first post!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Welcome! The first thing I wanted to mention was this was really long. Usually writers post one chapter at a time and they get feedback for every chapter. I would recommend removing chapter 2 - 8 so you get feedback for each chapter. And it's a bit hard to read something that long online. Now to my review!
The portrayal of life on Dr Don's farm is excellent. I love all the colorful characters and rich detail. The scenes of everyone together. The music - laughter and Lucile's expert sewing was wonderful. The story continues. That was just the first chapter! Again, you can edit this, remove the other chapters, and I'd love to continue to read your book.
Oh - welcome! This is a fantastic first post!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Thank you for your review and I will make the changes you suggest.
