Lavender Fields
A young lady tries to find where she belongs.9 total reviews
Comment from Aiona
What an adorable story! I think it fits the fabulism prompt as it involves talking pigs. I loved the mistaken butter for "bacon." How hilarious!
I found a few typos:
1. "Slightly relived, I scooped some up on a knife"
I think you meant "Slightly relieved"
2. "It was pink and fluffy life candy floss, but not sticky,..."
I think you meant "like" instead of "life."
ex. "It was pink and fluffy like candy floss, but not sticky,..."
3. "But its so close to the house, why have you never come to visit?"
"Its" should be "it's" since it's contraction of "it is."
ex. "But it's so close to the house, why have you never come to visit?"
4. "You should go." daddy said sadly. "You're not supposed to be here yet."
I think "Daddy" should be capitalized, since it's referring to a title.
6. "I can't go with you this time Lizzy, but thanks for the bacon."
Since Harold is addressing Lizzy, "Lizzy" should be bounded by commas.
ex. "I can't go with you this time, Lizzy, but thanks for the bacon."
7. Same thing here
'none of this is real Lizzy, its not real '
should be
'none of this is real, Lizzy, its not real '
Also "its" should be "it's" since it's a contraction of "it is."
8. "You had us worried my love".
Since she is addressing you, there should be a comma after "worried"
ex."You had us worried, my love".
9."... but your back now, try to rest."
should be
"...but you're back now"
since it's a contraction of "you are"
10. while the paramedics negotiated difference between the narrow staircase and the stretcher"
I think you meant to put a "the" between "negotiated" and "difference"
ex. "while the paramedics negotiated the difference between the narrow staircase and the stretcher"
11. "No bother love, I'll leave your keys with the paramedics."
Since the speaker is addressing the narrator, "love" should be bounded by commas.
ex. "No bother, love, I'll leave your keys with the paramedics."
12. 'it's all real Lizzy, it's all real.'
Since the voice is addressing Lizzy, "Lizzy" should be bounded by commas.
ex. 'it's all real, Lizzy, it's all real.'
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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What an adorable story! I think it fits the fabulism prompt as it involves talking pigs. I loved the mistaken butter for "bacon." How hilarious!
I found a few typos:
1. "Slightly relived, I scooped some up on a knife"
I think you meant "Slightly relieved"
2. "It was pink and fluffy life candy floss, but not sticky,..."
I think you meant "like" instead of "life."
ex. "It was pink and fluffy like candy floss, but not sticky,..."
3. "But its so close to the house, why have you never come to visit?"
"Its" should be "it's" since it's contraction of "it is."
ex. "But it's so close to the house, why have you never come to visit?"
4. "You should go." daddy said sadly. "You're not supposed to be here yet."
I think "Daddy" should be capitalized, since it's referring to a title.
6. "I can't go with you this time Lizzy, but thanks for the bacon."
Since Harold is addressing Lizzy, "Lizzy" should be bounded by commas.
ex. "I can't go with you this time, Lizzy, but thanks for the bacon."
7. Same thing here
'none of this is real Lizzy, its not real '
should be
'none of this is real, Lizzy, its not real '
Also "its" should be "it's" since it's a contraction of "it is."
8. "You had us worried my love".
Since she is addressing you, there should be a comma after "worried"
ex."You had us worried, my love".
9."... but your back now, try to rest."
should be
"...but you're back now"
since it's a contraction of "you are"
10. while the paramedics negotiated difference between the narrow staircase and the stretcher"
I think you meant to put a "the" between "negotiated" and "difference"
ex. "while the paramedics negotiated the difference between the narrow staircase and the stretcher"
11. "No bother love, I'll leave your keys with the paramedics."
Since the speaker is addressing the narrator, "love" should be bounded by commas.
ex. "No bother, love, I'll leave your keys with the paramedics."
12. 'it's all real Lizzy, it's all real.'
Since the voice is addressing Lizzy, "Lizzy" should be bounded by commas.
ex. 'it's all real, Lizzy, it's all real.'
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
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Thank you Aiona, As you can tell proofing is not my strong point, I whole heartedly appreciate reviews like this that help me improve my writing. I am working on learning the rules and I have just bought a new Microsoft editing tool which I am hopeful with also help. The story was fun to write, I had never tried fabulism before.
Comment from cupa tea
what a lovely story. I quite enjoyed it. I saw nothing that needs fixed or changed. Love the image you put with it as well. Did the image inspire the story?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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what a lovely story. I quite enjoyed it. I saw nothing that needs fixed or changed. Love the image you put with it as well. Did the image inspire the story?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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thank you Cupa tea, the story inspired the image, I used an AI image generator to produce the picture, you just type in a description of what you want to see and it produces it. its the standard design app on MS365.
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My son told me about that. Great image...works so well.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
I absolutely loved this story. The descriptions and the dialogue drew me in. The artwork depicted is perfect. It must be original to the story. A wonderful piece for the Fabulism contest. I will be looking for it at voting time. Good luck.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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I absolutely loved this story. The descriptions and the dialogue drew me in. The artwork depicted is perfect. It must be original to the story. A wonderful piece for the Fabulism contest. I will be looking for it at voting time. Good luck.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thank you Marilyn, I'm thrilled you enjoyed it :). I used the Microsoft 365 AI design feature for the artwork, you just type in a description of what you are looking for and it generates a number of images
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
I absolutely loved this story. The descriptions and the dialogue drew me in. The artwork depicted is perfect. It must be original to the story. A wonderful piece for the Fabulism contest. I will be looking for it at voting time. Good luck.
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I absolutely loved this story. The descriptions and the dialogue drew me in. The artwork depicted is perfect. It must be original to the story. A wonderful piece for the Fabulism contest. I will be looking for it at voting time. Good luck.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Fabulism...now that's a term I've never come across but it truly was an enjoyment to see how you wove your inner child thoughts to take us on a fabulous adventure....And lavender smella so good.
Great job!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Fabulism...now that's a term I've never come across but it truly was an enjoyment to see how you wove your inner child thoughts to take us on a fabulous adventure....And lavender smella so good.
Great job!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you kindly Carol, I had never heard of it myself, thought I would give it a go, glad you enjoyed it. :) Jo.
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I really enjoyed reading this story. It is so imaginative and creative. It was so interesting and humorous. Written well. The picture is priceless. I loved it. Great job!!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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I really enjoyed reading this story. It is so imaginative and creative. It was so interesting and humorous. Written well. The picture is priceless. I loved it. Great job!!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you Brenda, for such lovely feedback.
Comment from Kelly Hope
I felt like this storytell was written in a nice way. I will say it's an enjoyable read, you're talented. Thank you for sharing this with us. Keep writing, God bless!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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I felt like this storytell was written in a nice way. I will say it's an enjoyable read, you're talented. Thank you for sharing this with us. Keep writing, God bless!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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thank you Kelly, much appreciated, have a lovely day.
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Your welcome! If you, can you review my latest poem.
Comment from zanya
Wow - Fabulism - hadn't heard of it before - but, on reading this story and its exciting events it takes the reader into, what one might call another dimension. Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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Wow - Fabulism - hadn't heard of it before - but, on reading this story and its exciting events it takes the reader into, what one might call another dimension. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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thank you Zanya, to be honest I had never heard of it myself, this is my first go at it. :) thank you for the review.
Comment from patcelaw
This is beautifully written, and I enjoyed it very much. I wish you the very best in the contest. Also, wish you a very good weekend. May God richly bless you with all of his good favors. Patricia .
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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This is beautifully written, and I enjoyed it very much. I wish you the very best in the contest. Also, wish you a very good weekend. May God richly bless you with all of his good favors. Patricia .
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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thank you Patricia.
