Comment from Kaiku

Excellent

have you read the book 'Blink' by Malcolm Gladwell (I believe that's his name) In a blink of an eye we assess a situation and make critical decisions based on the assessment. Your story continues to move.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024

No, I haven't, but it sounds intriguing. I could see some great misunderstandings as a result.

Comment from Navada

Excellent

I like that Alan has chased away the bully and made a connection with Tommy who possesses many qualities that he recognises. I hope that Mum will take kindly to Alan rather than overreacting when she finds a strange man in her yard talking to her son. Wouldn't it be great if Alan has just found someone he can mentor? :)

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Yes, that would be great. He hasn't gotten over his love of teaching, and he was so good at it. We'll see what develops on that front.

Comment from tfawcus

Exceptional

I like the way this is going. David/Alan will be able to shift the focus from introspective monologue to his friendship with the boy next door and, possibly, his mother. There's potential for this all to blow up in his face if Mrs Boardman hears the rumours about him. That niggling though in the back of my mind adds an element of tension and a reason for reading on. I need to discover how this pans out!

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024

There certainly is that potential, and you've hit on a definite plot element here. We won't hear how this portion of the story gets resolved until about chapter 18. That's as far as I've written so far, and I just finished with that resolution. Note: There's a lot more to the full story of the girl's claim than what we know at this point as you probably have guessed.

Thanks very much for the 6 stars!

reply by tfawcus on 02-Feb-2024

I think you signalled that with the mention of her more slovenly dressing. Perhaps a deliberate ploy to make her less attractive and less of a target. After all, whoever bruised her would probably have frightened her.

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Good thought. Not quite it, though.

Comment from Alexandra Trovato

Excellent

This story chapter is well written and descriptive. The dialogue with the kids seemed very authentic to me. I've mostly taught teens with various special learning needs for decades. I used to say, take out your homework assignments and one kid would always say, "What happened?"

I'd reply, "Nothing HAPPENED; just take out your homework assignment."

Thank God I had patience.

I enjoyed reading this and hope to remember to read more. Excellent work, Jim! Best wishes with it!

Alex :)

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024

Thanks very much, Alex. I'm happy that, being a teacher of teens, you thought the dialog was realistic. I liked your amusing story too.

Hope to see you back again with some reviews. I've been posting chapters every Tuesday and Saturday. Still a long way to go in the story.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Great progress in this chapter! I can already see that Alan would be a wonderful neighbor/teacher/mentor to Tommy and his mom. I guess this shows a real change in his sense of purpose after leaving teaching.

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 01-Feb-2024

Thanks, Helen. He's trying to make the best of a bad situation. And who knows? He may find some teaching opportunities in his new job.

reply by lyenochka on 01-Feb-2024

He's already made a big impression on Tommy!

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

You have posted another interesting chapter and introduced two new characters, possibly three. What a coincidence a kid with occasional speech problems lives next door to Alan, and he's interested in learning how to operate a computer. I can predict the development of a relationship between Tommy and Alan. However, who is Tommy's single mother? This should be interesting.

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024

Thanks, Lorraine. Alan, Tommy, and Tommy's mother will become the three main characters in the story from now on. How they get along and what they discover together will be the thrust of much of the rest of the story. Long way to go.

Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hello Jim,
I liked this chapter. Loser street-how appropriate. Moving from a more upscale spot to one that is run down would take a toll on a guy, especially in lieu of the fact that he's been accused of something he didn't do and lost a job he loved. I guess it takes someone who has experienced trouble to be able to fully appreciate what others are going through. It will be interesting to see what happens with Alan and Tommy.
Have a blessed day.
Tom

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024

Thanks so much, Tom. Seems like you are caught up in the story now. Indeed, that relationship between Alan and Tommy will occupy a lot of the plot during the remainder of the story (which still has a long way to go.)

Comment from Carol Clark2

Excellent

This is a well-written chapter. Alan and Tommy seem very similar in their backgrounds and dyslexia. Looks like a good teaching opportunity coming up for Alan. Have a great week. Carol

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024

Thanks very much, Carol. They do seem very similar, and I'm debating whether or not I should introduce some differences between them, but their similarity certainly makes it easier for Alan to identify with him and have the influence that he will have in the rest of the story. Jury is still out.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

This was a good chapter Jim with Alan using his teaching experiences on these two boys. I am sure that dedicated teachers would really miss the classroom if forced to leave. Well written,
Cheers
Valda

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024

Thanks very much, Valda. He was certainly dedicated, but sensed the futility of fighting hard to keep his job in this situation. Plus, he's not very courageous at this point in the story. He needs to have a fire lit under him.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, it seems Alan has found the student he was just thinking about. Very fortunate a young, small, male victim of bullying, who has a speech problem, no father, and shares Alan's interests just happens to be next door. We aren't told yet, but I'm guessing his single mother is attractive, close to Alan's age, and won't mind Alan in the boy's and her life.

I was wondering what a man Alan's age would do everyday. Sitting on the porch, listening to a ballgame all alone seems unnatural for a man his age.

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024

You're right. Perhaps I should have moved him two doors down. :)

A tad contrived? Can't deny it. Convenient and expeditious? Absolutely. But sometimes in a novel, you need some of this to get to your main plot without making the novel too long for people. Would you rather watch a 2-hour movie that is conveniently sped up or a 4-hour movie that covers the same main plot but is ultra-realistic?

There's probably a middle ground here, and if you can think of some suggestions to keep the pace going but are more realistic, I'd love for you to share them with me. I particularly love your reviews where you give me suggestions.

The mother will be attractive, but some sparks will definitely fly between them in the story.

reply by lancellot on 31-Jan-2024

Space things out. mix things up. Instead have Alan mentor the Bully too. Or have Alan show some form of reluctance around kids. Seeing him rush to the young boys, alone, after what he just went through and lost, seemed odd. A smart person would hesitate, but Alan doesn't.

Unfortunately, there are limits to first person stories. To change locations, scenes, you will have to use flashbacks, because Alan/David must be in every scene.

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024

Perhaps a smart person would have hesitated, but I think it was more instinctive for him to want to protect an underdog because he was one himself at that age. That was his natural tendency, and I don't think he would have put much thought into it in the moment.

I do like your suggestion about mentoring the bully, and I think I will work that into the story later. Thanks for that.