Mission:  Aid the future development of interstellar diplomatic relations by learning the true meaning of the Earthling festival known as Christmas

Location:  Melbourne, Australia

Earth Date:  December 20

Subject:  Arrival

O Most High Overlord:

As per Your Lordship’s instructions, I have arrived safely upon Earth with sufficient time to witness preparations taking place for this festival.  Fortunately, my long journey was as uneventful as any such journey can be.  I landed without incident, unobserved, and the perpetual shield of invisibility you bestowed upon my craft ensures that it remains undetected.

I am most grateful for your permission to study my predecessor’s observations.  May he rest comfortably in the ceaseless space-time continuum for eternity.  I trust his findings may prevent a similar fate befalling myself as I embark upon this quest.

I have taken steps to abide by his recommendations when observing preparations for the festival:

It was my predecessor’s hope that, once adequately disguised as a juvenile member of the species and sporting Christmas-themed attire, I might better be able to conceal my identity while gaining access to sites needed to complete this study and avoid generating mass panic.  I understand full well that my safety – and, more importantly, the success of this mission – would be compromised if my true identity was discovered.  It is a risk I must take.

Earth Date:  December 21

Subject:  Myer Christmas Windows

O Most High Overlord:

The first of my daily expeditions is complete.  Please find enclosed a summation of my experiences.

Once the sun emerged from beneath the Earthly horizon and there was sufficient atmospheric light to see, I emerged from the park where my craft stands.  Suitably attired as an Earthling juvenile in Christmas garb, I stepped onto a “tram” (a form of public transportation) to travel into the heart of the city.  I did attract many stares, but I do not believe these casual observers suspected my true identity.  It is possible that the stares related to my clothing, but it is more likely that my short stature convinced them I was a lone juvenile without an accompanying parental figure.  This became evident when one female adult spoke kindly to me and tried to grasp my hand.  Anticipating her likely reaction if she realised my hand differs from an Earthling’s, I sidled away and departed the public transportation vehicle at the next exit.  I stepped onto another one a few minutes later and successfully continued my journey without further incident.

Upon alighting in the city, I proceeded to the first site listed in the mission parameters – the Myer Christmas Windows.  Myer, it appears, is a large building where members of the species congregate at regular intervals.  They frequently enter the building empty-handed and emerge hours later bearing receptables printed with the building’s name.  While listening intently to the conversations of the Earthlings, I have ascertained that these receptacles are called “bags”, the building is called a “department store”, and the process of obtaining these bags is called “shopping”.  I am yet to discover the meaning of the word Myer, but perhaps in time this shall also become clear.

The aforementioned “windows” are large, tall sheets of clear glass.  Many Earthlings seem to enjoy gazing through these windows at displays constructed on the other side.  The displays feature large colourful cartoon characters vaguely reminiscent of an Earthling species called “dogs”.  The figures in the displays move in simple jerky motions (a very rudimentary form of technology) that seem to delight the Earthling juveniles.  Overhearing their conversations with their accompanying adults, names including “Bluey”, “Bingo”, “Bandit” and “Chilli” were mentioned repeatedly.  These dog-like figures appear to be characters featuring in a popular form of mass entertainment.

The displays beyond the windows are viewed by thousands of Earthlings, but I am yet to understand their specific link to Christmas.  The “true meaning” of Christmas itself, as yet, remains a mystery.  Further investigation is required.

Earth Date:  December 22

Subject:   Encounters with “Santa Claus”

O Most High Overlord:

The second of my daily expeditions is complete.  Please find enclosed a summation of my experiences.

While visiting the city yesterday, I saw and heard many references to a character named “Santa Claus”, including information that he would appear in person at the Myer store today for Earthling juveniles to visit.  I returned to the store so I could observe this character more closely.

Santa is, quite simply, ubiquitous.  He appears in every method of mass communication used by Earthlings to disseminate and receive information – television, movies, newspapers and social media.  Images of Santa appear everywhere, including stores where Earthlings gather in large numbers to purchase all manner of goods. 

The backstory of this character is unique.  He possesses powers that seem beyond the reach of common Earthlings.  He lives at the North Pole where a large company of elves manufacture presents throughout the year for him to deliver to Earthling juveniles at Christmas.  He completes these deliveries using a magic sleigh pulled by magic reindeer who can fly.  I’m yet to understand how this comparatively advanced technology is available to this individual when other Earthlings do not possess similar abilities.  It is clearly very valuable intellectual property.  Perhaps Santa owns a secret corporation that develops early prototypes of technology similar to our own.  These prototypes may have been reverse-engineered from our own craft who have crashed on Earth in the past.  Further investigation is required to confirm or disprove this hypothesis.

At the store, I witnessed Earthling adults and juveniles forming long queues to interact with Santa.  This character is a bombastic figure with a brightly coloured costume, a loud booming laugh and a propensity to shout “Merry Christmas!” very loudly at frequent intervals.  Naturally some of the Earthling juveniles were frightened by this character and some of them, including many infants, cried in his presence.  However, others seemed delighted to make his acquaintance and discuss gifts they would like to receive from him, principally items called “toys” which appear to bring juveniles some level of enjoyment.

One wonders whether the character of Santa Claus represents the “true meaning” of Christmas.  Given the level of his prominence in Earthling culture, it seems likely, but further observations are still required.

Earth Date:  December 23

Subject:   Frantic last-minute “shopping”

O Most High Overlord:

The third of my daily expeditions is complete.  Please find enclosed a summation of my experiences.

Earthlings indulge in significant retail behaviour associated with this festival.  Judging from advertisements appearing everywhere on television and social media in particular, there are a series of traditional foods consumed on Christmas Day and this appears to be a widespread phenomenon.  Popular culture indicates that the consumption of a large bird known as a “turkey” is commonplace, along with other specialist items such as “mince pies” and “plum pudding”.  From my observations, retailers are working extremely hard to provide potential customers with everything they require for the festival.  The stores, shops and markets – everywhere where various goods can be purchased – are extremely busy.  It is quite overwhelming making my way safely through the bustling streets while actively avoiding detection.

As well as the culinary requirements of the festival, it also appears customary for Earthlings to purchase “gifts” or “presents” for each other.  These items encompass many different types of products and are purchased according to whatever Earthlings believe the gift’s recipient would appreciate.   As I learned yesterday, “toys” are marketed heavily towards juveniles while variations of these items are also produced for adults, albeit in different packaging.

Given the level of frenetic energy and financial commitment exhibited by Earthlings in relation to these “shopping” expeditions, this activity may qualify as the “true meaning” of Christmas listed in the mission parameters.  Perhaps it isn’t Santa, after all.  I shall engage in further observation throughout this mission to confirm or refute.

 
Earth Date:  December 24

Subject:   Carols by Candlelight at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl on Christmas Eve

O Most High Overlord:

The fourth of my daily expeditions is complete.  Please find enclosed a summation of my experiences.

As confusing as it may seem, the Myer Christmas Windows and the Sidney Myer Music Bowl are not the same location, even though they share a name.  The store was established by an Earthling retailer named Sidney Myer and an outdoor performance venue just south of the city centre – the Music Bowl – was built and subsequently named in his honour years after his death.  Adding to the confusion, there is another major city in Australia called Sydney and some people mistakenly believe the venue is located there rather than in Melbourne.

I observed some large colourful posters in the street and heard advertisements on the radio – another form of Earthling mass communication – discussing something called “Carols by Candlelight”.  This is a performance held every Christmas Eve in Melbourne where musically gifted Earthlings sing songs and play musical instruments to provide entertainment for a large audience.  All this music is Christmas-themed.  Surely here it should be possible to learn more about the “true meaning” of this festival.

I duly attended the venue only to discover that Earthlings entering for the performance were equipped with things called “tickets”.  These were presented electronically on portable phones carried by every Earthling.  I realised that without a ticket, a portable phone or an adult Earthling accompanying me, it was likely that I would be denied entry, or worse, unmasked.  I therefore found a moment where the fence at the rear of the venue was deserted, discreetly burned a hole through it with my laser pen to gain entry and made my way surreptitiously onto the lawn among many other audience members.

The behaviour of the Earthlings at this event was most remarkable.  Most of them sat down in groups on brightly coloured pieces of cloth called “picnic blankets” and proceeded to enjoy food and drink they had brought into the venue with them.  The performers on the stage actively encouraged the audience to join in the performance and they did so, singing along, dancing and participating enthusiastically.

Santa made an appearance during the performance, which proved very exciting for the juveniles in the audience.  I noticed that this character looked considerably different from when I had observed him at the store two days ago.  His costume looked similar, but he was broader and taller, and his voice sounded different.  It’s also unclear how he can appear in person on Christmas Eve in Melbourne when he should be commencing his annual toy-giving pilgrimage at the North Pole many thousands of kilometres away.  There was no evidence of the sleigh or the reindeer being present at the venue, so the means of Santa’s transportation remains unknown.  Further investigation is required to explain these anomalies.

As the evening progressed, the sun disappeared below the horizon and darkness fell.  At this point, audience members produced “candles” and “glowsticks” – illuminated personal lighting devices – and waved them together as instructed by performers from the stage.  The overall effect was visually pleasing.

Listening carefully to the lyrics of the music, it was still difficult to pinpoint the “true meaning” of Christmas with certainty.  There were many references to Santa in addition to his personal appearance on stage, but there were also references to “God”, “Jesus”, “Mary” and sundry other characters.  Perhaps all will be made clear tomorrow on the day of the festival itself.

Earth Date:  December 25

Subject:   Christmas Day

O Most High Overlord:

The last of my daily expeditions is complete.  Please find enclosed a summation of my experiences.

I walked a long distance through the “suburbs” today.  These are large sections of the city where many Earthling dwellings exist side by side.  Since my arrival, I have observed that many of these dwellings are decorated in apparent celebration of the Christmas season.  Several are illuminated by flashing lights at night time, echoing the type of celebration I witnessed at the Music Bowl last evening. 

After the past few days when so many Earthlings have crowded together en masse, it was noticeably quieter in the streets today.  They appear to be celebrating the occasion in their individual dwellings.  Glimpses through windows revealed groups of Earthlings opening presents and preparing festive food.  Groups of juveniles were playing together with their new toys and there was lots of laughter.

A little later, I came across a very large dwelling of a sort I had not previously seen.  It was large and tall, with a steep roof and a pointed tower protruding from the top.  I overheard one adult refer to this as a “steeple”.  Several small statues were on display outside the building.  They included several varieties of animals, two adult Earthlings in robes quite unlike any clothing I have seen, and an Earthling infant laid in some form of primitive structure.  The display was labelled “Nativity” – a word which apparently refers to a birth.

As I entered and observed cautiously from behind a tall pillar, I noticed an Earthling dressed in ornate robes and standing on a raised platform at the front of the building.  He was speaking to many rows of Earthling adults and juveniles seated together.  He told them stories of a character called “Jesus” – a name that was mentioned several times during the Carols performance last night.  All the Earthlings were smiling.  They greeted each other warmly and at various intervals they sang together.

At one point, the robed Earthling recounted the story of Jesus’ birth, describing it as “the reason for the season” and “the true meaning of Christmas”.  My ears pricked up at this, so it was indeed fortunate that I was wearing my festive hat just in case anyone noticed.  Could this Jesus be the infant represented in the Nativity outside?  Is it possible that the Christmas festival celebrates the anniversary of this event?  This would obviously appear to fulfill the mission parameters.  However, I remain reluctant to confirm this conclusion with absolute certainty because some confusion lingers.  All the previous days’ observations indicated that Santa is the figure worshipped by Earthlings at Christmas.  How can it also be this Jesus?  Are the two characters somehow connected?  Why do Earthlings place such emphasis on ceremonial feasting and gift giving, not to mention singing, candles, decorations and so many other Christmas-themed behaviour I have witnessed in the past few days? 

Despite my dedicated study, careful observation, perpetual threat of discovery and the many important additions I have contributed to our collective knowledge on this subject, it is with some frustration that I must recommend further analysis and research.  A definitive answer to the “true meaning” of Christmas remains elusive.

Earth Date:  December 26

Subject:   Departure

O Most High Overlord:

The festival of Christmas has now concluded.

I will soon embark upon my return journey, trusting that all shall proceed as expected despite the inherent risks.  In the event that I do not return safely, I have secreted a copy of this report in a pre-determined location upon Earth so that any who might follow me shall benefit from the knowledge I have gleaned and continue to build upon my work.

My intention, all being well, is to report to you directly in the Stellartorium upon my return.

In anticipation,

Your humble servant,

Dvorzgah.