On the Rocks
Sometimes it take more than one for a desired result.2 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is a very interesting poem. I see a man with something inside he is trying to bury with drinks. That never works.
Write a poem. You (or your character) take a sip of a drink and feel different. What happens?
Does he feel different? I don't think so.
What happens? Apparently nothing.
I would look over what the contest is calling for and what you wrote.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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This is a very interesting poem. I see a man with something inside he is trying to bury with drinks. That never works.
Write a poem. You (or your character) take a sip of a drink and feel different. What happens?
Does he feel different? I don't think so.
What happens? Apparently nothing.
I would look over what the contest is calling for and what you wrote.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thanks, I will rework and resubmit.
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
I am a poor judge, I am afraid, because I don't drink.
But this is in the first place a poem about the pain and desolation of an ended relationship. So many people think they can kill the depressive feelings with a lot of alcohol, but of course, that is not so. A lot of alcohol will add to the problem, not kill it.
Good poem, with a telling photo.
I just read it again. Maybe it answers better the contest terms, but, if I may say so, I liked the other version better. In this last one, it looks as if the scotch on the rocks in the end was really a solution to the problem, you even thanked the barman! Well, never mind. Still a good poem.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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I am a poor judge, I am afraid, because I don't drink.
But this is in the first place a poem about the pain and desolation of an ended relationship. So many people think they can kill the depressive feelings with a lot of alcohol, but of course, that is not so. A lot of alcohol will add to the problem, not kill it.
Good poem, with a telling photo.
I just read it again. Maybe it answers better the contest terms, but, if I may say so, I liked the other version better. In this last one, it looks as if the scotch on the rocks in the end was really a solution to the problem, you even thanked the barman! Well, never mind. Still a good poem.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your read and review. Alcohol is never the answer. However, I am advised that this work does not exactly follow the rules so I will rework and resubmit.
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I will read it again and review.
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Thanks, new version posted.
