Digital Collages
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Artistic Creations Kept Hidden"An artful mix of poetic forms.
26 total reviews
Comment from Deborah Harlow French
Spangle --
First, I like the way you jumped right in with a big idea ("Great works never seen") and used a metaphor to express/evoke emotion. Your use of imagery ("withered vine") gives the reader a sense of the sadness and loss you must have felt when you missed the opportunity to submit your play. (By the way, I also read the Shakespearean sonnet you posted -- very nicely done!)
Some constructive criticism on this one ...
While I understood your meaning, the use of the word "masterpieces" results in a mixed metaphor; for the metaphor to work, whatever word goes in that spot needs to be consistent with the image of a vine ... something that would, in reality, grow on a vine. (A metaphor is a comparison, as you know; you've compared "masterpiece" to "great works" -- but you see that it isn't really a comparison, but another literal way of saying the same thing.)
For example's sake, suppose you used "berries." Of course now you need two more syllables in the line, but just to get at meaning, it would read:
Great works never seen
are drooping berries
on a withered vine.
(Quick thought for adding syllables... you might change to a simile and add "like" at the beginning of line 2, then come up with a one-syllable descriptor.)
Lastly -- and I realize sometimes there's a time factor involved and titles get pushed to the last minute -- I think your poem deserves more of a stand-out title. Something evocative, raising curiosity. You might think about how not getting to submit your play, and then losing it, made you feel and draw on that . . . or something you learned from the experience, something about a universal problem or question Think: How will readers relate to my poem? Why should it matter to them? Lots of people have missed opportunities, lost treasures, so while you're literally writing about a work of art that's never been on display, your words can have figurative meaning for a host of other circumstances.
-Deborah
reply by the author on 20-May-2020
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Spangle --
First, I like the way you jumped right in with a big idea ("Great works never seen") and used a metaphor to express/evoke emotion. Your use of imagery ("withered vine") gives the reader a sense of the sadness and loss you must have felt when you missed the opportunity to submit your play. (By the way, I also read the Shakespearean sonnet you posted -- very nicely done!)
Some constructive criticism on this one ...
While I understood your meaning, the use of the word "masterpieces" results in a mixed metaphor; for the metaphor to work, whatever word goes in that spot needs to be consistent with the image of a vine ... something that would, in reality, grow on a vine. (A metaphor is a comparison, as you know; you've compared "masterpiece" to "great works" -- but you see that it isn't really a comparison, but another literal way of saying the same thing.)
For example's sake, suppose you used "berries." Of course now you need two more syllables in the line, but just to get at meaning, it would read:
Great works never seen
are drooping berries
on a withered vine.
(Quick thought for adding syllables... you might change to a simile and add "like" at the beginning of line 2, then come up with a one-syllable descriptor.)
Lastly -- and I realize sometimes there's a time factor involved and titles get pushed to the last minute -- I think your poem deserves more of a stand-out title. Something evocative, raising curiosity. You might think about how not getting to submit your play, and then losing it, made you feel and draw on that . . . or something you learned from the experience, something about a universal problem or question Think: How will readers relate to my poem? Why should it matter to them? Lots of people have missed opportunities, lost treasures, so while you're literally writing about a work of art that's never been on display, your words can have figurative meaning for a host of other circumstances.
-Deborah
Comment Written 20-May-2020
reply by the author on 20-May-2020
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Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful comments, Deborah. The major message of the poem is found in the withered vine which is the dying opportunity of creative souls to nourish the imaginations, senses, and emotions of others who will never be able to see and study--or savor--a particularly brilliant work. (Even extremely luscious blackberries and grapes are types of masterpieces found in a farmer's market or vineyard...the proud products of talented crop farmers and vignerons.) I truly appreciate the time you spent on this and your points are very well-taken. --Janet
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Congratulations in winning this contest. What a beautiful expression -droopping masterpieces. The poem is exquisite indeed. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-May-2020
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Congratulations in winning this contest. What a beautiful expression -droopping masterpieces. The poem is exquisite indeed. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 21-May-2020
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Thank you greatly for this uplifting review! I'm so glad you like it, Janet
Comment from Enoima Okon
Hi Spangle,
Great piece and true.
I had this work of mine that I've always been too shy to show to anyone(was written since in my Senior school). During my last days in the University, I showed it to a colleague and he was wowed with it. He helped me published it on his website.
Often times we keep great artisteries away for the fear of non approval. Nice work.
Eno
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Hi Spangle,
Great piece and true.
I had this work of mine that I've always been too shy to show to anyone(was written since in my Senior school). During my last days in the University, I showed it to a colleague and he was wowed with it. He helped me published it on his website.
Often times we keep great artisteries away for the fear of non approval. Nice work.
Eno
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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I love your comments, Eno! They are exactly what this posting addresses. Thank you so much for a very memorable review. --Janet
Comment from amada
I admire this clean and straight to the point haiku. You followed all the rules and touched the reader as well. I just posted a poem about an artist as well, I seem to understand the gift of a painter.
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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I admire this clean and straight to the point haiku. You followed all the rules and touched the reader as well. I just posted a poem about an artist as well, I seem to understand the gift of a painter.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Artistic minds benefit from positive support, but it's hard sometimes to put ourselves into the public domain because we don't know what to expect, and we often think the worse response will follow. Thank you so much for your much appreciated review and comments.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is so true and a good warning on using your imagination to the fullest. It is well illlustrated.
Congratulations for winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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This is so true and a good warning on using your imagination to the fullest. It is well illlustrated.
Congratulations for winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Thank you greatly, Joan. I truly appreciate your comments on this posting, and the accompanying good wishes. The same to you and yours, Janet
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You are most kindly welcome, Janet.
Joan
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Congrats on your well-deserved win! Glad I caught up to this--missed its release. This is lovely; elegant and fresh in imagery. Heartbreaking about the lost script. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Congrats on your well-deserved win! Glad I caught up to this--missed its release. This is lovely; elegant and fresh in imagery. Heartbreaking about the lost script. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Your kind review is truly appreciated. I'm so glad you were able to read the posting. Thank you so much! (I've started thinking more about that script...maybe I'll warm up to giving it another go. I just have so many new projects lined up, but maybe it will start being more of a priority. It was nice meeting you, Elizabeth. :-) Janet
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
This is really good. I can see why it won. Very nice job you did with this one. Keep up the great work on this site. I like it a lot so far from what I have seen.
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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This is really good. I can see why it won. Very nice job you did with this one. Keep up the great work on this site. I like it a lot so far from what I have seen.
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Your kind comments are truly appreciated, Amanda. I'm so glad you like this one. Thank you for mentioning others, as well. --Janet
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I can see why this won the 5-7-5 contest. This form is often boring as writers just fill syllables bit you infused a wonderful meaning behind your words! Excellent
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I can see why this won the 5-7-5 contest. This form is often boring as writers just fill syllables bit you infused a wonderful meaning behind your words! Excellent
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Thank you greatly for your kind and appreciated review and comments. :-)
Comment from rama devi
Congrats on winning the contest. This is highly original, especially the image of 'dropping masterpieces on a withered vine."
Some creative people are shy and introverted...eager to create but not comfortable with sharing.
Well done.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Congrats on winning the contest. This is highly original, especially the image of 'dropping masterpieces on a withered vine."
Some creative people are shy and introverted...eager to create but not comfortable with sharing.
Well done.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I think you're right about shy people. It's sad to think of how many wonderful works have been lost because of it. I appreciate your review and comments very much. (I've always been affected by visuals; and remember as a preschool child, and later, when the trading card phase was going strong and how much I loved looking at everyone's collections. I think it had a great influence on me. I also remember that I was sorry when the trading card phase faded out.)
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Ah yes, all things morph and change and pass away....
Blessings,
rd
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Oh my gos
Oh my gosh! I am so surprised, grateful and thrilled! Thank you ever so much for this honor. Happy dance! :-)