The West
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Tom Gordon"One man's journey west.
28 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Tom
I figured that Tom & Sarah would hit it off. I'm wondering, of course, if the wagon train will run into hostiles.
It's a good story forming. The only thing I noticed was unnecessary commas, and places where they could go.
"...Like you say, on the trail, we have to work together.")
(... Like you say, we have to work together on the trail.")
"What do you want to do, when we reach Oregon?" Sarah asked.
("What do you want to do when we reach Oregon?" Sarah asked.)
"When we get to the next settlement your father's going to have to buy a new wheel."
("When we get to the next settlement, your father's going to have to buy a new wheel.")
"Sarah had attended finishing school in France and carried herself with the grace of a fine lady."
(Sarah had attended finishing school in France, and carried herself with the grace of a fine lady.)
"Even though the clothes of a frontier woman were coarse Sarah would wear them with grace."
(Even though the clothes of a frontier woman were coarse, Sarah would wear them with grace.)
"Tom leaned in and kissed Sarah." ...(it's obvious he talking to Sarah, so I don't think you have to name her here... I suggest,
Tom leaned in and kissed her.)
Hope some of this helps, Tom. Looking forward to the next chapter.
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
  |
Hi Tom
I figured that Tom & Sarah would hit it off. I'm wondering, of course, if the wagon train will run into hostiles.
It's a good story forming. The only thing I noticed was unnecessary commas, and places where they could go.
"...Like you say, on the trail, we have to work together.")
(... Like you say, we have to work together on the trail.")
"What do you want to do, when we reach Oregon?" Sarah asked.
("What do you want to do when we reach Oregon?" Sarah asked.)
"When we get to the next settlement your father's going to have to buy a new wheel."
("When we get to the next settlement, your father's going to have to buy a new wheel.")
"Sarah had attended finishing school in France and carried herself with the grace of a fine lady."
(Sarah had attended finishing school in France, and carried herself with the grace of a fine lady.)
"Even though the clothes of a frontier woman were coarse Sarah would wear them with grace."
(Even though the clothes of a frontier woman were coarse, Sarah would wear them with grace.)
"Tom leaned in and kissed Sarah." ...(it's obvious he talking to Sarah, so I don't think you have to name her here... I suggest,
Tom leaned in and kissed her.)
Hope some of this helps, Tom. Looking forward to the next chapter.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for the corrections and reviewing.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
There you go, put a little romance into the Western! They seem like such a sweet couple already.
I like the way Sarah started out dressing like a proper lady, but wasn't afraid to make changes if she married someone on the trail. She's quite a trouper. And, she's a poet! Gotta love that about her.
Okay, on to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
|
There you go, put a little romance into the Western! They seem like such a sweet couple already.
I like the way Sarah started out dressing like a proper lady, but wasn't afraid to make changes if she married someone on the trail. She's quite a trouper. And, she's a poet! Gotta love that about her.
Okay, on to the next chapter!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Well written and well said. This is a good story.
I'm reading these out of order, but the characters and story are still clear.
Well done, I will be watching for more.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
|
Well written and well said. This is a good story.
I'm reading these out of order, but the characters and story are still clear.
Well done, I will be watching for more.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing. It means a lot to me.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A little romance as they walk miles in the dust of the wagons works very well in this chapter. A good ending statement - Let's make that our plan - we all know the best laid plans.....
Going well with this story.
cheers
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
|
A little romance as they walk miles in the dust of the wagons works very well in this chapter. A good ending statement - Let's make that our plan - we all know the best laid plans.....
Going well with this story.
cheers
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
-
Someone said if you want to make God laugh, tell him you have a plan.
Comment from MelB
Hi Tom, a well written chapter. Not the most romantic proposal and didn't take him long, but she didn't seem to mind at all. I look forward to reading the next post.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
|
Hi Tom, a well written chapter. Not the most romantic proposal and didn't take him long, but she didn't seem to mind at all. I look forward to reading the next post.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing.I really appreciate it.
-
You're welcome. I'm enjoying the story!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
We'll some romance on this wagon trip. I have a feeling a lot of that went on. I did feel it was slightly rushed though.
When we get to the next settlement your Father's going to have to buy a new wheel." (lower case 'f' on father's because of the your)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
|
We'll some romance on this wagon trip. I have a feeling a lot of that went on. I did feel it was slightly rushed though.
When we get to the next settlement your Father's going to have to buy a new wheel." (lower case 'f' on father's because of the your)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for reading and correcting.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Thomas: I am really liking this story, Tom. I am happy that there was a young man here for Sarah and I am happier that they have decided to be together. Your characters are likable and the storyline is moving along nicely. I will continue to follow this story. Good day.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
|
Good morning, Thomas: I am really liking this story, Tom. I am happy that there was a young man here for Sarah and I am happier that they have decided to be together. Your characters are likable and the storyline is moving along nicely. I will continue to follow this story. Good day.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, I thought that would happen. A marriage is in the air. But, they have a long way to go yet, will they wait to get married, or get married now. Can't the Wagon Trail Leader marry them? Like a Captain can on a ship? Lovely part, Tom, got another one to read now. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
|
Aww, I thought that would happen. A marriage is in the air. But, they have a long way to go yet, will they wait to get married, or get married now. Can't the Wagon Trail Leader marry them? Like a Captain can on a ship? Lovely part, Tom, got another one to read now. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from robyn corum
Thomas,
Well, that was quick. In the next chapter they get married, then in the following chapter they have kids and that's the end. What's that make? Five or six good chaps and the book's done? At this rate, you could write 70 or 80 books a year. Good idea.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
|
Thomas,
Well, that was quick. In the next chapter they get married, then in the following chapter they have kids and that's the end. What's that make? Five or six good chaps and the book's done? At this rate, you could write 70 or 80 books a year. Good idea.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
-
That's my plan.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
You know having a robust red headed man show up right away is a stroke of genius and to call him Tom well if he's anything like his name sake, he'll have Sarah barefoot and pregnant before this trip is over. Great characterization. xx d
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
|
You know having a robust red headed man show up right away is a stroke of genius and to call him Tom well if he's anything like his name sake, he'll have Sarah barefoot and pregnant before this trip is over. Great characterization. xx d
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
-
Thanks for the vote of confidence on behalf of Toms everywhere.
