Reviews from

Luna's Form Poetry

Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Undead"
a place to gather my poetic forms

37 total reviews 
Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
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This sounds like a quick movie review for a zombie movie. The color scheme works well. Black for night and death and red for blood.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2021

Comment from johnwilson
Excellent
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Ha! This is great! We are so lucky here that you returned. There is nothing to change here because it is flawless work worthy of a sixth star!!!

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    Thanks, man, for the nice review.

    Jeni
Comment from WriteSins!
Excellent
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I like that you a reaching outside of the fantasy genre, it's something I respect. A great poem, indeed! Best wishes regarding the contest!

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    Thanks for your nice words.

    I appreciate your review.

    Jeni
Comment from rama devi
Excellent
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Clever satire, considering the atmosphere in the world today. Fine entry for the contest--true to form and well presented. I like the crescendo effect of double questions. Fine consonance of S and alliteration of C. Good luck!

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    Thanks rama, I am happy that you enjoyed this work. Thanks as well for your good luck wishes.

    jeni
reply by rama devi on 16-Dec-2016
    :-)))
Comment from wondertwin
Excellent
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Nice job on the Quinzaine poem. It seems to leave more questions than answers, but I expect that is the intended outcome. Nicely done to make one think! AmyJo

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    AmyJo, thanks for your review. I appreciate our attention to my poetry portfolio. Have a great night!

    Always,

    jeni
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Excellent
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The real question is can you outrun? Zombie hysteria is real. I worked with a woman whose son purchased all kinds of swords online in peeparation for three invasion. Excellent.

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    Dear God, Mary...I didn't realize that zombie hysteria was that out of control. Thanks for your review, I enjoyed reading it.

    Have a great night!

    Always,

    jeni
Comment from Bill Schott
Good
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The least I can reduce the second line to is six syllables. NEXT-OR-DER-OF-BUS'NESS. The poem, Undead, seems like a fun romp with flesh-eating zombies. Nice.


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
    Hi Bill and thanks for your read and review. I consulted about eight online syllable counters and they were literally divided in two... Half for the word family as three syllables and half for two syllables.

    Thus, while I appreciate your constructive criticism, I'll accept your four star review. In this instance my work will remain as is.

    Best of the full moon to you

    Luna ❤️
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
    Bill, i thank you much for your kind read and review. However, in the many syllables I consulted, they were actually divided equally as to the number of syllables in family... Half counted it as two syllables and the other half as three.

    Thus, I'll accept your four star review with gratitude. I truly appreciate the constructive criticism, but my work will stand.

    Blessings and happy holidays!
reply by Bill Schott on 15-Dec-2016
    There seems to be some confusion on one of our parts, Luna. The line I was talking about was from the poem "Undead". It is a quinzaine with a 7-5-3 syllable count. The second line goes ... Next order of-business? ... NEXT ORDER OF is already four syllables; BUSINESS couldn't be fewer than two. You mentioned the word FAMILY which isn't even in this poem, so I think we're looking at different pieces. Happy day.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    Yeah we must be lol... We'll get it together! ❤️ ❤️
Comment from jmcfadden1528
Excellent
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This is a great poem. I found it humorous, but at the same time it perfectly captures the thought process of people in those zombie shows I watch lol. I love short poems that are able to freeze a moment in time of critical decision making like this one.

P.S. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I am a recovering addict myself. Your son sounds like a truly genuine person. An altruistic addict is truly a rarity. Unlike most who die from the disease of addiction, your son did something with his short time on this planet. Its a tragedy he couldn't save himself, but I hope it comforts you to know that he continues to save lives even though he has passed. I have 77 days clean and sober today, and reading stories like his inspire me to keep moving forward and helping other addicts.

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2016


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016
    Bless you. I'm warmed and touched by your heartwarming and supportive review.

    77 days! That's a Damn miracle, YOU are miracle.

    One day any a time, you can get this thing. Just don't drink or use for this day alone. In the morning, hit your knees, ask for another sober day and go about your business a day, hour or minute at a time.

    Me and Mickey are pulling for you!

    If you EVER need an ear, pm me, okay?

    We believe in you. Keep it simple and work those steps with A SPONSOR! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

    Luv, Jeni
Comment from oliver818
Excellent
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Nice poem. It's simple but to the point and yes, I can imagine myself having to run away from this scene. Thanks for sharing and have a great day!

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016

Comment from lancellot
Excellent
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This is good and I would be even better if you choose Zombies for the art.

Now, I think you should remove the question mark from the second line. The second line should begin the question and the third line ends it.

This is too funny to get disqualified.

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016