Slamming Doors
A dream house is lost.29 total reviews
Comment from heyjude
TOM, I liked this and can imagine it as a song that could be well done. I Like the repeating part about what you gave her. Also, that a.house cant be built on shifting sand
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2016
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TOM, I liked this and can imagine it as a song that could be well done. I Like the repeating part about what you gave her. Also, that a.house cant be built on shifting sand
Comment Written 02-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2016
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Thanks for reading. I have gotten good reviews for this poem. Thanks a lot for the six.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I could imagine someone strumming on a guitar singing this one Thomas - would that be you? I like the 'our house was built on shifting sand' good line, great description in this context. There are houses and but it is the people in them that make them into homes, and that message comes out for me in this one.
Sorry I'm a bit late in my reading this week,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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I could imagine someone strumming on a guitar singing this one Thomas - would that be you? I like the 'our house was built on shifting sand' good line, great description in this context. There are houses and but it is the people in them that make them into homes, and that message comes out for me in this one.
Sorry I'm a bit late in my reading this week,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 30-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
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Thanks for reading.
Comment from Writer51
Beautifully written. It couldn't flow any better and the rhyming is perfect. The subject matter and the way it is worded is well done. No matter how nice a house might be constructively, that doesn't make a happy house. This poem is one that be perfect in a collection of love poems. Very nice.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Beautifully written. It couldn't flow any better and the rhyming is perfect. The subject matter and the way it is worded is well done. No matter how nice a house might be constructively, that doesn't make a happy house. This poem is one that be perfect in a collection of love poems. Very nice.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. This is my first song lyrics/poem.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Thomas
I really enjoyed reading your poem about the house built on shifting sand. It is true that material things do not make up for how one feels. Many a love blossomed from small beginnings.
Great descriptions of the fabulous house.
Well done
Mary
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Hi Thomas
I really enjoyed reading your poem about the house built on shifting sand. It is true that material things do not make up for how one feels. Many a love blossomed from small beginnings.
Great descriptions of the fabulous house.
Well done
Mary
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. This is my first song lyrics/poem.
Comment from krys123
Happy Holidays, Thomas;
-as a poem/lyrics I found is more poetic like in its rhythm than lyric like in a song.
But I'm trying to say instead of saying enough I would sing it is just 'nough. Or like in the first verse your second line I would sing it more like "I built the finest house on land" instead of in the land. What I was trying to do is actually sing your song according to how I thought the rhythmic tempo would be song by using a metronome set at a 2/4 beat at 130 beats per minute. Then everything changes in the poetic reading than it would be in the lyrical singing.
-For instance instead of saying fulfill her dreams I would just say fill her dreams.
-If you would like for me to intricately go through each line with the metronome set in a certain beat I can do that but it will take a long time. So you can get a metronome program from NCH and I think it is called "TempPerfect Metronome Software" and you can add it to your computer and turn it on and then sing to your song according to the be set at the metronome and I will help you write the song according to how you would sing it. Give it a shot I'm sure it would help.
-Otherwise and that I think you have a bang up song and one that I would definitely look forward to singing but my voice is getting more raspy, these days for now I am 65 years old and of course the picture that I use is when I was 45. False advertisement. Chuckle!
-I redevelop your song because it is exceptionally well done but not in the form of a lyrical writing that would fit the metronome beat. But that is just my opinion you may want to seek others.
-Take care my friend and God bless and have a good one during the holidays where and when you can find it.
Alex
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Happy Holidays, Thomas;
-as a poem/lyrics I found is more poetic like in its rhythm than lyric like in a song.
But I'm trying to say instead of saying enough I would sing it is just 'nough. Or like in the first verse your second line I would sing it more like "I built the finest house on land" instead of in the land. What I was trying to do is actually sing your song according to how I thought the rhythmic tempo would be song by using a metronome set at a 2/4 beat at 130 beats per minute. Then everything changes in the poetic reading than it would be in the lyrical singing.
-For instance instead of saying fulfill her dreams I would just say fill her dreams.
-If you would like for me to intricately go through each line with the metronome set in a certain beat I can do that but it will take a long time. So you can get a metronome program from NCH and I think it is called "TempPerfect Metronome Software" and you can add it to your computer and turn it on and then sing to your song according to the be set at the metronome and I will help you write the song according to how you would sing it. Give it a shot I'm sure it would help.
-Otherwise and that I think you have a bang up song and one that I would definitely look forward to singing but my voice is getting more raspy, these days for now I am 65 years old and of course the picture that I use is when I was 45. False advertisement. Chuckle!
-I redevelop your song because it is exceptionally well done but not in the form of a lyrical writing that would fit the metronome beat. But that is just my opinion you may want to seek others.
-Take care my friend and God bless and have a good one during the holidays where and when you can find it.
Alex
Comment Written 29-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thanks for taking the time to study the writing. I wasn't expecting all of this but I certainly appreciate it. You have been a big help.
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You are very welcome Thomas.
Alex
Comment from Leineco
It's an interesting thing - reading poetry cold, without realizing
it's song lyrics - and then re-reading it and having what you
thought were rough spots (meter wise) just fall into place by
virtue of melodic "wavering" :-)
Great lyrics - feels mostly "country" in genre, though I could
easily imagine it as blues rock.
Nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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It's an interesting thing - reading poetry cold, without realizing
it's song lyrics - and then re-reading it and having what you
thought were rough spots (meter wise) just fall into place by
virtue of melodic "wavering" :-)
Great lyrics - feels mostly "country" in genre, though I could
easily imagine it as blues rock.
Nicely done :-)
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thanks for reading. Country is what I had in mind as I wrote it. Others have suggested blues.
Comment from BeasPeas
It just goes to show you that some people are not meant to be together and some people are never satisfied. The trappings don't matter in the long run. Very enjoyable read. Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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It just goes to show you that some people are not meant to be together and some people are never satisfied. The trappings don't matter in the long run. Very enjoyable read. Marilyn
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thanks for reading nd commenting . This is my first attempt at a song. The reviews have been very good.
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Good job.
Comment from sandy montgomery
This poem sounds like a song. The refrain would be great for a country song U think. It captures the blues very well. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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This poem sounds like a song. The refrain would be great for a country song U think. It captures the blues very well. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thanks. I had a country song in mind when I wrote this but blues might work too.
Comment from dragonpoet
In this poem the man blames the woman for not being able to love. But it seems the man is more interested in giving her things instead of love. Maybe she got tired of it.
It seems it is best for both of them to leave that house and live a live of giving love and not belongings.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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In this poem the man blames the woman for not being able to love. But it seems the man is more interested in giving her things instead of love. Maybe she got tired of it.
It seems it is best for both of them to leave that house and live a live of giving love and not belongings.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thanks for reading and the comments. You have an interesting insight into the real problem.
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My pleasure.
dp
Comment from crybry67
Your poem is sad but beautiful. The title drew me in, since I tend to slam doors a lot when I'm mad. You have excellent use of rhyme. I really like ' in shifting sand love cant grow' and of course the 'beautiful hardwood slamming doors'.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Your poem is sad but beautiful. The title drew me in, since I tend to slam doors a lot when I'm mad. You have excellent use of rhyme. I really like ' in shifting sand love cant grow' and of course the 'beautiful hardwood slamming doors'.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you took the time. It means a lot.
