Mickey Mouse Uses a Credit Card
short story17 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! Oh, Mikey. You are the king of the short story, always filled with humor and a bit of pleasing insanity. Little wonder that this won the contest. Bravo! I'm out of sixes, so ************** That should be enough. I didn't count 'em, but you can if you like. :)
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LOL! Oh, Mikey. You are the king of the short story, always filled with humor and a bit of pleasing insanity. Little wonder that this won the contest. Bravo! I'm out of sixes, so ************** That should be enough. I didn't count 'em, but you can if you like. :)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
Comment from mommerry
This "toned down" version of your story was worth reading - very funny and a little sad at the same time. I enjoyed reading it and wish you well in the contest.
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This "toned down" version of your story was worth reading - very funny and a little sad at the same time. I enjoyed reading it and wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
Comment from Muffins
The fact that you lived through this childhood with humor speaks highly of you. I can see why this is the contest winner. It's pace is entertaining and moves quickly, the dialogue flushes out the character of everyone involved.
Congratulations!
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The fact that you lived through this childhood with humor speaks highly of you. I can see why this is the contest winner. It's pace is entertaining and moves quickly, the dialogue flushes out the character of everyone involved.
Congratulations!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
Comment from Bill Schott
Loved, loved, loved this story. So well told that I could see those women barking and fuming. What a rich treasure chest of recollection and situations. Nicely retold. Happy day.
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Loved, loved, loved this story. So well told that I could see those women barking and fuming. What a rich treasure chest of recollection and situations. Nicely retold. Happy day.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
Comment from Craigitar
Well now, this is a great story! Very funny, expertly written and engaging. I love your samples of the interaction between your grandmother and mother. Great job and a sure contender in this prompt.
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Well now, this is a great story! Very funny, expertly written and engaging. I love your samples of the interaction between your grandmother and mother. Great job and a sure contender in this prompt.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
Comment from Tatarka2
I'm so very sorry that this was your reality as a child. Still, this story was told essentially without self-pity, and with some humor. I'm reminded of Mary Karr's memoir, "The Liars' Club." If you haven't read it, I'd recommend it. She had a similar traumatic childhood, and writes about it in a similar tone. I hope you keep writing; you have a lot to say and an interesting way of saying it.
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I'm so very sorry that this was your reality as a child. Still, this story was told essentially without self-pity, and with some humor. I'm reminded of Mary Karr's memoir, "The Liars' Club." If you haven't read it, I'd recommend it. She had a similar traumatic childhood, and writes about it in a similar tone. I hope you keep writing; you have a lot to say and an interesting way of saying it.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
Comment from jpduck
I really enjoyed the gentle humour of this, and the easy-flowing conversational voice of it.
Typos & SPAGs (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'Most*,* aware of my upbringing*,* consider it abusive at best'
'I called my grandma[,] Bobo'
'Mom drooled a bit and sp*a*t when she spoke in an excited state like this'
'(Bobo didn't mention split infinitives or ending sentences with prepositions*)*.'
'I actually giggled with an endearing, well-practiced 'I would never harm your daughter, Ma'am*'* smile['] and went about my business.'
Adrian
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I really enjoyed the gentle humour of this, and the easy-flowing conversational voice of it.
Typos & SPAGs (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'Most*,* aware of my upbringing*,* consider it abusive at best'
'I called my grandma[,] Bobo'
'Mom drooled a bit and sp*a*t when she spoke in an excited state like this'
'(Bobo didn't mention split infinitives or ending sentences with prepositions*)*.'
'I actually giggled with an endearing, well-practiced 'I would never harm your daughter, Ma'am*'* smile['] and went about my business.'
Adrian
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
Comment from visionary1234
Truly excellent entry for this prompt. Loved the way you used the dialogue to reveal the story, without the need to comment - yet we 'got' the characters quite clearly. Loved also your sharp wit and wry observations. I'm assuming life has improved since the Bobo days. Amazing, what parents put their children through. Yet somehow we survive. Well done!
:)S
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Truly excellent entry for this prompt. Loved the way you used the dialogue to reveal the story, without the need to comment - yet we 'got' the characters quite clearly. Loved also your sharp wit and wry observations. I'm assuming life has improved since the Bobo days. Amazing, what parents put their children through. Yet somehow we survive. Well done!
:)S
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
Comment from sibhus
Sounds like a very interesting family, which I'm sure you can plum for endless material for your writing. A well written article that makes for a good entry for the contest.
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Sounds like a very interesting family, which I'm sure you can plum for endless material for your writing. A well written article that makes for a good entry for the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
Comment from Dean Kuch
Bobo huh, "M"? Well...I've known a few grandmothers in my day who've been called far worse, heh-heh...
You must've had one helluva childhood, my fiend...e-r-r-r, hee-hee, friend! To think that you're even able to function at some semblance of normalcy should be considered a moral victory, at the very least.
I enjoyed this tale of Mamma Bobo and the rest of your whacky pack. Richard Pryor's childhood ain't got nothin' on yours...LOL!
Best of luck in the contest, buddy. ~Dean
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Bobo huh, "M"? Well...I've known a few grandmothers in my day who've been called far worse, heh-heh...
You must've had one helluva childhood, my fiend...e-r-r-r, hee-hee, friend! To think that you're even able to function at some semblance of normalcy should be considered a moral victory, at the very least.
I enjoyed this tale of Mamma Bobo and the rest of your whacky pack. Richard Pryor's childhood ain't got nothin' on yours...LOL!
Best of luck in the contest, buddy. ~Dean
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015