Comment from medicnate

Excellent

That was definitely a vivid hallucination. I found a couple things to look at this time.

kin(skin) of my arms

All I(delete the 'I') that mattered was stopping the pain

Great chapter.

~medicnate~

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2009

The night terrors or hallucinations really frightened me. They were so vivid and so real.

Comment from Lois Delaney

Excellent

1. All that mattered was stopping the pain.
2. maybe her life was just a single permanent gap in time

I will be having nightmares all night. This story is so vivid, and heartbreaking. The problem is, once an abuser always an abuser. How sad we find that out only in time.

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009

I certainly hope you don't have nightmares. I know many readers have experienced similar abuse and have found reading this very difficult becuase it brings up so many bad memories. All I can say is that try to remember that I do resolve this in the end and am a true survivor. Thank you for your high rating.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Denial knows no limits - that the mother would believe he would stop just because he had been caught - any daughter would be driven to despair.
I was laying in a pool of blood should be I was lying
Your vivid and harrowing descriptions of the nightmare visions are heartbreaking

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009

Thanks for the high reveiw. I will fix the word as soon as I can. Again, thanks.

Comment from jodeecee

Excellent

My role as guardian was/extra space/ no more than a symbolic gesture.

I closed the curtains in my room, turned off the light//,/ and climbed into bed.

orange//,/ and red

Above me//,/ /a/thick layer//,/ /of/ black smoke hovered, eagerly waiting to choke the life out of me.

I felt no pain as the flames//completely/ engulfed my body, I //could/ smell/ed/ my flesh burning//./ /as//t/he skin of my arms and face melted like hot butter.

I wasn't concerned with taking an overdose. If they stopped the pain or, if they killed me, either was fine with me. All I that mattered, was stopping the pain.
-I wasn't concerned with taking an overdose. All that mattered was stopping the pain.

Daddy walked into the room and//,/climbed into bed with me.

I sometimes resented Colleen's private world of fantasy. Tears of envy welled up in my eyes, thinking that maybe her life was just single, permanent gap in time.
-sometimes I envied Colleen's private world of fantasy. Tears welled up in my eyes thinking that maybe her life was just a permanent gap in time.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009

Thank you so much for your detailed critique of my poor spelling, lousy grammer and so on. It is very hard for me to edit my own work. Not an excuse, just an explanation, I am dyslexic and blind in one eye. My spell check catches most but as you can see, I miss a lot. Thank you for your help ad the high rating too,.

Comment from Arkine

Excellent

I'm sorry but the mother is nuts to let him back into their lives. Valarie needed some serious help, do they not give a damn? This is hard to read because it invokes a lot of anger, however that's a good thing because it means it's getting its message through. Well done chapter.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009

Thank you. I know ths is difficult to read. But, as you said I need to get the message thruogh. Again, thank you for your high rating.

Comment from Stacey Lynne Wells

Excellent

I'm really having a hard time with this. I don't understand why she would get back with your father in spite of what she saw him do to Coleen. Did he get down on his knees and beg her to let him back? If he did that to me, my answer would be no. I would never let the man who molested my child back into my life. I dunno I just don't understand. Maybe she was still in love with him, and too scared to call it quits. Well, have a good night.

Rachel

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

Born in 1922, she was raised to stand by your husband, no matter what. She was also in total denial. She really believed that catching him was a wake-up-call and he would be an idiot to try it again. You need to remember, back then they saw this as nothing more than rude, inappropriate behavior. There wre no rules, laws, therapists or books to tell you what to do. Ths was something no one ever talked about. I certainly do not excuse my mother's behavior, but with old age has come wisdom. Also, remember this started in the late 40s and it is now 2009...it may as well have been a hundred years ago. Thank you for your kind words and high rating. I completely understand your statement that you don't understand...I didn't understand either.

Comment from Donald O. Cassidy

Excellent

The family situation you describe is enough to send a person into depression, and to hinder quick recovery. The factor of incest certainly could trigger a traumatic spell.
However, I don't think the patient helps herself in carelessness of overdosing on aspirin, tipping the bottle vodka or other strong drink. Doctors say alcohol is depressing.
I think also you could take it easy on teh negative scene, at least early in the story. As it is, this tends to be melodramatic. Readers tend to skepticism about the story.
But of course the horrendous inter family sexual tragedies ought not be downplayed.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

I sincerely appreciate your comments and will take them under consideration. You should understand, that this young girl is suffereing severe trauma from both sexual and psychological abuse, has absolutely no self-esteem, sufferes from debilitating nightmares, and excruciating migraines. Her state of mind is not that of a well balaned young girl. She has already attempted suicide and at this point in her life death, sadly, does have its appeal. Desperation does, all to often lead to poor choices.

Comment from Seraphim Delphinium

Excellent

It is in this chapter I find the mother's behaviour absolutely and completely reprehensible and unforgivable. It is, and has been, her duty to protect her children and she has failed miserably.

Typo: still burning lungs--not "sill"

Also, please examine the last sentence of this chapter. The construction needs tweaking.

Excellently presented story, Smurphy!
Seraph~

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

Thank you, again, for your high rating and kind review.

Comment from Jnetgame

Excellent

This is a great chapter. It was tough to read during the subject and all the pain that the character endures (both physical and emotional) but it is well written. Just one sentence I noticed to edit:

The cut on my head require (required)six stitches.
Write on!

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

Thank you for your kind review and pointing out the needed correction. I sincerely appreciate yor high rating

Comment from RaymondJohn

Excellent

on and off relationship--on-and-off
Nice job of using detail to put me into the scene with you. I'm sure the poor girl's situation would cause some headaches for her. Fine read. Ray.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2009

Thank you for your kind review and high rating. I appreciate your correction too. Again, thank you