My Day On Board the Enterprise
An adventure with the USS Enterprise19 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well, although I'm not a particular fan of Star Trek, I still think you did a great job of transporting me into the Space Trek universe. You build quickly on your protagonist, making her very credible and, then, in a relatively short piece, you provide the reader with humour, entertainment and a 'shrink ray' adventure. I like the way you imagine the mouse and refer to it scampering and dodging the giant footsteps. I was a bit confused when you referred to the team returning "everyone" to their proper size as I thought it was only Zorlok and yourself. Also, sometimes I get lost with who was speaking the dialogue e.g. "I stared up at him, my tiny fists on my tiny hips." (Best to keep the following piece of dialogue on the same line so that it's clear who's speaking).
Also edits: "You said you weren(')t going to shrink me"
scruf(f)
But well done, Jacquelyn, on this excellent, imaginative and very readable story, well-structured with a pleasing finale. Good luck! Debbie
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Well, although I'm not a particular fan of Star Trek, I still think you did a great job of transporting me into the Space Trek universe. You build quickly on your protagonist, making her very credible and, then, in a relatively short piece, you provide the reader with humour, entertainment and a 'shrink ray' adventure. I like the way you imagine the mouse and refer to it scampering and dodging the giant footsteps. I was a bit confused when you referred to the team returning "everyone" to their proper size as I thought it was only Zorlok and yourself. Also, sometimes I get lost with who was speaking the dialogue e.g. "I stared up at him, my tiny fists on my tiny hips." (Best to keep the following piece of dialogue on the same line so that it's clear who's speaking).
Also edits: "You said you weren(')t going to shrink me"
scruf(f)
But well done, Jacquelyn, on this excellent, imaginative and very readable story, well-structured with a pleasing finale. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 12-Apr-2025
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
We are Star Trek fans here too. This was so much fun to read! This is a well written story and photo presentation. It has good imagery; descriptions, and dialogue. It is also thought provoking. I enjoyed reading!!
Best wishes,
Alex 😊
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We are Star Trek fans here too. This was so much fun to read! This is a well written story and photo presentation. It has good imagery; descriptions, and dialogue. It is also thought provoking. I enjoyed reading!!
Best wishes,
Alex 😊
Comment Written 11-Apr-2025
Comment from Teri7
This is a very cute post you have penned. You used great descriptive words and very good story about shrinking and shrinking others. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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This is a very cute post you have penned. You used great descriptive words and very good story about shrinking and shrinking others. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 11-Apr-2025
Comment from Bill Schott
The story, My Day on Board the Enterprise, is charming and filled with the cheery tone we associate with the crew of the NCC-1701 Constitution-class starship.
The easy acceptance of the purpose for your being onboard is accepted and an adventure begins immediately.
The tale goes quickly, and I see perhaps it got ahead of the size to which you shrunk. You were the size of a mouse, then two-feet tall. That's a big mouse!
I am also a Star Trek TOS fan and enjoyed seeing the three primary characters in a scene again. Nice.
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The story, My Day on Board the Enterprise, is charming and filled with the cheery tone we associate with the crew of the NCC-1701 Constitution-class starship.
The easy acceptance of the purpose for your being onboard is accepted and an adventure begins immediately.
The tale goes quickly, and I see perhaps it got ahead of the size to which you shrunk. You were the size of a mouse, then two-feet tall. That's a big mouse!
I am also a Star Trek TOS fan and enjoyed seeing the three primary characters in a scene again. Nice.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2025
Comment from pome lover
don't tell me Star Trek is still on, somewhere.
This certainly is an original and challenging entry for the "This sentence starts the story."
I used to watch it, too, many years ago. Is Kirk still alive? Well, he is in
your story, and that's what counts. And you got to be a heroine! Good for you. Best of luck in the contest.
Katharine
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don't tell me Star Trek is still on, somewhere.
This certainly is an original and challenging entry for the "This sentence starts the story."
I used to watch it, too, many years ago. Is Kirk still alive? Well, he is in
your story, and that's what counts. And you got to be a heroine! Good for you. Best of luck in the contest.
Katharine
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ha, ha, ha, I like how this sentence prologues chaos: "There is an alien on board. It is... malfunctioning. It appears to be of the shrinking variety. " Bu well is well when it ends well. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
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Ha, ha, ha, I like how this sentence prologues chaos: "There is an alien on board. It is... malfunctioning. It appears to be of the shrinking variety. " Bu well is well when it ends well. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
Comment from bob cullen
This is so original and creative. I have one request. Is it possible for you to give my mother-in-law a double dose. And can you provide the service via e-mail.
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This is so original and creative. I have one request. Is it possible for you to give my mother-in-law a double dose. And can you provide the service via e-mail.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You do have a good story here and I enjoy anything Star Trek. However, you do have a major problem. When someone speaks, it is a new paragraph along with anything about that person. As soon as another person speaks, whatever they say and do is a new paragraph. e.g.
"He raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"
"Uh, . . . I'm just a girl," I said, completely baffled. "I was just sitting . . .
"Kirk and another guy exchanged . . .
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You do have a good story here and I enjoy anything Star Trek. However, you do have a major problem. When someone speaks, it is a new paragraph along with anything about that person. As soon as another person speaks, whatever they say and do is a new paragraph. e.g.
"He raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"
"Uh, . . . I'm just a girl," I said, completely baffled. "I was just sitting . . .
"Kirk and another guy exchanged . . .
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I'm a big fan of Star Trek, too. I would love to escape my humdrum world to stand on the floor of the USS Enterprise. What a dream or imagination you had, either one. You had a wonderful experience shrinking an alien and talking to Spock and James T Kirk. I wish I could do the same thing and share the spotlight with the Enterprise crew. Thanks for sharing your imaginative story with all of us here on Fanstory.
Jesse
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I'm a big fan of Star Trek, too. I would love to escape my humdrum world to stand on the floor of the USS Enterprise. What a dream or imagination you had, either one. You had a wonderful experience shrinking an alien and talking to Spock and James T Kirk. I wish I could do the same thing and share the spotlight with the Enterprise crew. Thanks for sharing your imaginative story with all of us here on Fanstory.
Jesse
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I remember this contest. I may have been the originator. When was it and how do you still have rewards still attached. I found this humorous and worth an extra star. Well done, Star Fleet gal!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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I remember this contest. I may have been the originator. When was it and how do you still have rewards still attached. I found this humorous and worth an extra star. Well done, Star Fleet gal!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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Thank you for your review and for your 6 started rating. It is appreciated. I don't remember entering the contest that you mentioned. I entered this story for the Let me tell you about my day contest. I had fun writing this. Have a wonderful day.
