Nature Wasn't Taught Tenderness
A 150 word story16 total reviews
Comment from Raul1
I believe the woman is going through a lot of trouble in this story. It flows well and it is well written. I see no mistakes in your fiction piece. I give it two thumbs up. Excellent work!
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I believe the woman is going through a lot of trouble in this story. It flows well and it is well written. I see no mistakes in your fiction piece. I give it two thumbs up. Excellent work!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
Comment from jessizero
This was short and piercing, much like the "embrace" in the end. You did a great job telling this short and impactful story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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This was short and piercing, much like the "embrace" in the end. You did a great job telling this short and impactful story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
This is an excellent short tragedy piece, with a brilliant and visceral concluding sentence.
It was four in the morning, there was no one there to see her swerve sharply across the road. <= run-on sentence. The easiest fix is to replace the comma with a period.
I also suggest changing some of your dashes with commas, to increase that dancing quality in your writing which you verbalized. Particularly this one: => Arches of trees crowded her vision - the waving branches like arms beckoning to her <=
And on the presentation, see if you can get rid of the extra space between the image and the text. It appears you added it to try to get your text not to align to the right of the image. You can instead do this by going to the advanced options at the bottom of the image editor and setting the image size to small. This will not really make your image that small, but will make the text start below, and then you will have a consistent gap independent of whatever device your readers are using.
Thanks for sharing,
🦍
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This is an excellent short tragedy piece, with a brilliant and visceral concluding sentence.
It was four in the morning, there was no one there to see her swerve sharply across the road. <= run-on sentence. The easiest fix is to replace the comma with a period.
I also suggest changing some of your dashes with commas, to increase that dancing quality in your writing which you verbalized. Particularly this one: => Arches of trees crowded her vision - the waving branches like arms beckoning to her <=
And on the presentation, see if you can get rid of the extra space between the image and the text. It appears you added it to try to get your text not to align to the right of the image. You can instead do this by going to the advanced options at the bottom of the image editor and setting the image size to small. This will not really make your image that small, but will make the text start below, and then you will have a consistent gap independent of whatever device your readers are using.
Thanks for sharing,
🦍
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
Comment from Wendy G
Very well written flash fiction. There is good pace, and tension. I like the contrast between the dancing at the party (yet it seems as if the party was over the top with the long drawn out dancing) and the car dancing across the road as well as the contrast between her reassurances of the embrace of the trees and the horror of their piercing her. It seems that her distorted thinking (feeling she could challenge anything) may mean she has been high on drugs, and that's why her perception of the trees was unrealistic.
Best wishes for the contest - it's a fine entry.
Wendy
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Very well written flash fiction. There is good pace, and tension. I like the contrast between the dancing at the party (yet it seems as if the party was over the top with the long drawn out dancing) and the car dancing across the road as well as the contrast between her reassurances of the embrace of the trees and the horror of their piercing her. It seems that her distorted thinking (feeling she could challenge anything) may mean she has been high on drugs, and that's why her perception of the trees was unrealistic.
Best wishes for the contest - it's a fine entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
Comment from Yolanda King
I like how you connect the positive dancing at the party with the negative dancing of the car, when the woman loses control. The change from something positive is given a very negative spin while retaining the same theme.
It's quite chilling.
And you conjure a rude awakening when she impacts with the branches. First you offer a positive possibility that's crushed by hard reality. It's violent and shocking and very real.
Well done.
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I like how you connect the positive dancing at the party with the negative dancing of the car, when the woman loses control. The change from something positive is given a very negative spin while retaining the same theme.
It's quite chilling.
And you conjure a rude awakening when she impacts with the branches. First you offer a positive possibility that's crushed by hard reality. It's violent and shocking and very real.
Well done.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2025
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I love this paragraph "Arches of trees crowded her vision - the waving branches like arms beckoning to her, cajoling her with reassurances that they'd catch her in their embrace - in that second before everything went black. They did capture her, but the act was not gentle, nor soft, nor kind. They pierced right through her, and it was the only way they knew how." beauty and gruesome in the same time. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
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I love this paragraph "Arches of trees crowded her vision - the waving branches like arms beckoning to her, cajoling her with reassurances that they'd catch her in their embrace - in that second before everything went black. They did capture her, but the act was not gentle, nor soft, nor kind. They pierced right through her, and it was the only way they knew how." beauty and gruesome in the same time. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2025
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"the party had danced on like a drawn-out laugh" - great line. But what do you mean by "It was breathless"? The party? Or do you mean to say "she was breathless"?
And, in the end, I don't understand what happened. Are we speaking literally about the branches, or are we talking about a rescue team that had to use cutting equipment to get to her.
I'm sorry I don't get it, but that's not necessarily your fault, and this is well-written, so I'm giving you 5 stars anyway.
Good luck with the contest.
xo
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"the party had danced on like a drawn-out laugh" - great line. But what do you mean by "It was breathless"? The party? Or do you mean to say "she was breathless"?
And, in the end, I don't understand what happened. Are we speaking literally about the branches, or are we talking about a rescue team that had to use cutting equipment to get to her.
I'm sorry I don't get it, but that's not necessarily your fault, and this is well-written, so I'm giving you 5 stars anyway.
Good luck with the contest.
xo
Comment Written 21-Mar-2025
Comment from jacquelyn popp
Some stories merely tell a tale, while others wrap around you, seeping into your mind with their vivid imagery and raw emotion. This particular piece does exactly that-it's haunting, poetic, and profoundly moving, leaving a lingering impression long after the final word.
From the opening line, "On weak legs, she renounced her tomorrow," the story establishes an immediate sense of fatalism, as if the protagonist is already slipping away from the future she might have had. It's an incredibly powerful choice of words, setting the tone for what is to come: a night that stretches on beyond its limits, a moment where exhaustion and recklessness intertwine. The phrase "It was late - the party had danced on like a drawn-out laugh" is both evocative and melancholic, painting a picture of a night that refused to end, a moment stretched too thin until it finally snaps.
There is a breathtaking fluidity to the way this story unfolds-first, we experience the protagonist's exhilaration, her breathlessness, her aching sides, the intoxicating feeling that she could "challenge anything." And then, with a seamless shift, we tumble into the inevitable. The act of getting into her car is described as "almost mindless," a chilling detail that foreshadows what's to come.
The crash itself is written with striking lyricism. The line "It was four in the morning, there was no one there to see her swerve sharply across the road" adds a terrifying loneliness to the scene-no witnesses, no one to stop what is about to happen. And then, the moment of impact: "It was almost inevitable; she went too far off the shoulder - hit a pole the wrong way - and then the car danced too." The parallel between the earlier party's carefree dancing and the violent, uncontrolled dance of the car is masterful, reinforcing the idea that the night had long been spiraling toward this moment.
And then, she is airborne.
The description of her flight is nothing short of stunning. The imagery of "arches of trees crowded her vision - the waving branches like arms beckoning to her" creates a false sense of comfort, an illusion of safety, as if nature itself is reaching out to cradle her. But the truth is harsher: "They did capture her, but the act was not gentle, nor soft, nor kind." This contrast between expectation and brutal reality is what makes the story so gut-wrenching. There is no softness in this fate, no mercy in the way the trees take hold of her. The final blow, "They pierced right through her, and it was the only way they knew how," is both poetic and devastating-a tragic inevitability delivered with chilling precision.
This story is a masterclass in atmosphere and emotional weight. The prose is beautifully lyrical yet merciless, weaving together a night of fleeting joy, reckless abandon, and tragic consequence. The balance between poetic elegance and stark brutality is what makes it so unforgettable.
If you are drawn to stories that explore the intersection of beauty and tragedy, that captivate with their evocative prose and leave you breathless with their impact, this is an absolute must-read. Much like the final moment in this story, the words capture you-but not gently, not softly. They pierce right through you, and it is the only way they know how.
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Some stories merely tell a tale, while others wrap around you, seeping into your mind with their vivid imagery and raw emotion. This particular piece does exactly that-it's haunting, poetic, and profoundly moving, leaving a lingering impression long after the final word.
From the opening line, "On weak legs, she renounced her tomorrow," the story establishes an immediate sense of fatalism, as if the protagonist is already slipping away from the future she might have had. It's an incredibly powerful choice of words, setting the tone for what is to come: a night that stretches on beyond its limits, a moment where exhaustion and recklessness intertwine. The phrase "It was late - the party had danced on like a drawn-out laugh" is both evocative and melancholic, painting a picture of a night that refused to end, a moment stretched too thin until it finally snaps.
There is a breathtaking fluidity to the way this story unfolds-first, we experience the protagonist's exhilaration, her breathlessness, her aching sides, the intoxicating feeling that she could "challenge anything." And then, with a seamless shift, we tumble into the inevitable. The act of getting into her car is described as "almost mindless," a chilling detail that foreshadows what's to come.
The crash itself is written with striking lyricism. The line "It was four in the morning, there was no one there to see her swerve sharply across the road" adds a terrifying loneliness to the scene-no witnesses, no one to stop what is about to happen. And then, the moment of impact: "It was almost inevitable; she went too far off the shoulder - hit a pole the wrong way - and then the car danced too." The parallel between the earlier party's carefree dancing and the violent, uncontrolled dance of the car is masterful, reinforcing the idea that the night had long been spiraling toward this moment.
And then, she is airborne.
The description of her flight is nothing short of stunning. The imagery of "arches of trees crowded her vision - the waving branches like arms beckoning to her" creates a false sense of comfort, an illusion of safety, as if nature itself is reaching out to cradle her. But the truth is harsher: "They did capture her, but the act was not gentle, nor soft, nor kind." This contrast between expectation and brutal reality is what makes the story so gut-wrenching. There is no softness in this fate, no mercy in the way the trees take hold of her. The final blow, "They pierced right through her, and it was the only way they knew how," is both poetic and devastating-a tragic inevitability delivered with chilling precision.
This story is a masterclass in atmosphere and emotional weight. The prose is beautifully lyrical yet merciless, weaving together a night of fleeting joy, reckless abandon, and tragic consequence. The balance between poetic elegance and stark brutality is what makes it so unforgettable.
If you are drawn to stories that explore the intersection of beauty and tragedy, that captivate with their evocative prose and leave you breathless with their impact, this is an absolute must-read. Much like the final moment in this story, the words capture you-but not gently, not softly. They pierce right through you, and it is the only way they know how.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
Comment from Kirsten Shonle
A lot was put into this short yet complete story. I liked the language you used. It is a sad story but life isn't a fairy tail. The story definitely rang true.
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A lot was put into this short yet complete story. I liked the language you used. It is a sad story but life isn't a fairy tail. The story definitely rang true.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. You told the entire in story and used only a few words. I'm impressed. It's a sad story and one that reminds me that people should not attempt to drive after they've been drinking. Good luck with the contest.
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. You told the entire in story and used only a few words. I'm impressed. It's a sad story and one that reminds me that people should not attempt to drive after they've been drinking. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2025
