Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Ben Paul Persons, ch. 20"A fresh calling
12 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
This was an enjoyable chapter, Wayne. Ben Paul seems to be more and more like his father everyday. Especially with an incident like commanding the young man in the convenience store to put his gun down and leave. That's something Ben Persons might have done.
I didn't really understand the last paragraph, though. You know me; I'm kind of thick. First, who does "he" refer to? And second, how does the giving of the name by either of them lead to understanding of why the name was held back?
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2025
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This was an enjoyable chapter, Wayne. Ben Paul seems to be more and more like his father everyday. Especially with an incident like commanding the young man in the convenience store to put his gun down and leave. That's something Ben Persons might have done.
I didn't really understand the last paragraph, though. You know me; I'm kind of thick. First, who does "he" refer to? And second, how does the giving of the name by either of them lead to understanding of why the name was held back?
Comment Written 25-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reviewing.
Ben Paul felt to allow the man to be a blessing no matter who he was. It took a minute, but Charlie Harper recognized (spiritually) Ben Persons. My intent is to demonstrate long-lasting, finger-like results of ministry. The 'he' is Ben Paul, himself. I'll look and see if I can't detail it a bit.
Comment from Teri7
Wayne, This is another great chapter you have penned. Every time I read one of your stories I always plan on reading more. It's just life has a way of keeping us away from the good things in life we want to do. May God bless you always. Teri
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2025
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Wayne, This is another great chapter you have penned. Every time I read one of your stories I always plan on reading more. It's just life has a way of keeping us away from the good things in life we want to do. May God bless you always. Teri
Comment Written 24-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2025
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Thank you and bless you.
I appreciate your uplifting review.
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you are so welcome!!!
Comment from Ric Myworld
If ages didn't tell me better I'd think you have known most of these characters all your life. LOL. I've spent a lifetime admiring the distinct characters of life, the good and the bad. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2025
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If ages didn't tell me better I'd think you have known most of these characters all your life. LOL. I've spent a lifetime admiring the distinct characters of life, the good and the bad. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2025
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smiling here
Thank you very much. That's about the best compliment I could imagine.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Well, right here we have an idea for a future write - mediocre writer who steals a manuscript from someone and becomes famous. Now that I think about it, wasn't there a movie like that?
We certainly ran through a lot of activities and places in this chapter. Especially the gas station almost robbery, lol!
I'm left to wonder if you are trying to get to the end of the book, or to this place where we leave off so that Charlie Harper's story might be told.
I'll find out in a few days:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Well, right here we have an idea for a future write - mediocre writer who steals a manuscript from someone and becomes famous. Now that I think about it, wasn't there a movie like that?
We certainly ran through a lot of activities and places in this chapter. Especially the gas station almost robbery, lol!
I'm left to wonder if you are trying to get to the end of the book, or to this place where we leave off so that Charlie Harper's story might be told.
I'll find out in a few days:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thank you. A couple chapters did not get posted - stories of people blessed by Ben Persons. Charlie and his heirs would be a good one.
My family holds that Larry McMurtry did not write 'Lonesome Dove'. I detailed the reasons in a novella: 'Contest Rules' as well as one of the chapters of 'Plot This' where killed-off characters take revenge against their authors.
Thanks again for your very nice review.
Comment from Wendy G
An interesting and thought-provoking opening, about the book and its author.
Very quick-thinking actions by Ben Paul at the petrol station, and we see yet again, how God protects His children.
I wondered why Ben Paul was not confident he had delivered God's message?
Wendy
Edit: And if we had. We'd be stuck at the house with no food. (combine these two into one sentence)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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An interesting and thought-provoking opening, about the book and its author.
Very quick-thinking actions by Ben Paul at the petrol station, and we see yet again, how God protects His children.
I wondered why Ben Paul was not confident he had delivered God's message?
Wendy
Edit: And if we had. We'd be stuck at the house with no food. (combine these two into one sentence)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thank you for your very kind review and for the edit suggestion.
Ben Paul felt he'd strayed too far toward his personal feelings, not concentrating on what God would have him say. I've been in services where I could sense when the minister was deviating to his own personal agenda.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Apparently, Ben Paul had a message from God that the book the author was talking about was stolen from a book about his father. I am not sure how well the congregation enjoyed his sermon, but they surely understood it was about them. The voice of God must have been coming from Ben Paul's mouth as he accosted the man planning to rob the service station. When heavy snow fell and Ben wanted to be sure they could get home, Charlie Harper knew he was the son of Ben Persons. One interesting thing after another followed them as they travelled across the country and didn't stop when they were almost home.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Apparently, Ben Paul had a message from God that the book the author was talking about was stolen from a book about his father. I am not sure how well the congregation enjoyed his sermon, but they surely understood it was about them. The voice of God must have been coming from Ben Paul's mouth as he accosted the man planning to rob the service station. When heavy snow fell and Ben wanted to be sure they could get home, Charlie Harper knew he was the son of Ben Persons. One interesting thing after another followed them as they travelled across the country and didn't stop when they were almost home.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thank you for your very nice review. I appreciate your reading and reviewing.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. Your story keeps rolling along. I enjoy reading sagas. I do not see any need for improvement. I wonder how you keep it all straight? Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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This is another excellent chapter. Your story keeps rolling along. I enjoy reading sagas. I do not see any need for improvement. I wonder how you keep it all straight? Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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Thank you.
(I wrote most of it in a matter of days.)
I appreciate your very kind review.
Comment from jim vecchio
The journey is getting more and more interesting. And I'm glad you continue to make preaching a part of your storyline. Wonder where Ben and Sylvia will end up next. Looking forward to more!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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The journey is getting more and more interesting. And I'm glad you continue to make preaching a part of your storyline. Wonder where Ben and Sylvia will end up next. Looking forward to more!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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Thank you.
If you read the first Ben Persons book ('One Man's Calling'), you would prob'ly guess. Ben Sr. was killed in Alaska.
Thank you immensely for the six stars!
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I wanted to sapologize but I was recently hospitslized asnd have fsllen way behind in my writing and messages. My eyesight is alo getting worse. Your words are important to me and I will try to do better in the future. I hope you will continue to review and write.
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Think nothing of it. Rest, recuperate, and recover. I'll always appreciate your reviews and entries whether I can come up with the required 150 characters or not.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed the tension in this scene. Especially the unexpected encounter at the gas station. Ben Paul's calm response to the situation had me hooked. It's like he knows exactly how to handle things. The little moments of humor balance things out so well. Your writing really brings out the characters' personalities, and I could easily picture the scene unfolding. Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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I really enjoyed the tension in this scene. Especially the unexpected encounter at the gas station. Ben Paul's calm response to the situation had me hooked. It's like he knows exactly how to handle things. The little moments of humor balance things out so well. Your writing really brings out the characters' personalities, and I could easily picture the scene unfolding. Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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Thank you so very much! (especially after the last review thatb would remove half the words.)
smiley face here
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Wayne,
This caught my attention "The author had a reputation of mediocrity in Ben Paul's estimation, except for one stand-out work of excellence. That one was far superior to the other books, fostering rumors that it was not his work." (I wonder if it's true. We each have a voice in writing, and it is noticeable if the voice changes.)
"Another theory was that since the author was an English Literature teacher, he stole the manuscript from a student." (shameful)
I am so glad he did not use my father's name." (another shocker)
"Let's us go for a little walk. Feel up to it? (delete 'us' - Let's is a contraction for let us.)
This next section seems unnecessary. Nothing happens, and it doesn't help move the story forward. I think it might be better to delete it and put a scene marker in, then move to the foot of snow. According to "Helping Writers Become Authors," "Everything in your story must move the plot.")
A couple of hours later, they returned.
"Pizza okay for supper, Ben Paul?" Mary asked since she'd already cleared it with Sylvia.
"Great. Don't think we've had any since leaving Colorado. Seems like forever ago."
"It'll be ready in about twenty minutes. I found a pretty decent brand at the grocery."
"We'll just go wash up," Sylvia said.
"We'll be right here."
I hope this helps.
Patricia
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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Hi Wayne,
This caught my attention "The author had a reputation of mediocrity in Ben Paul's estimation, except for one stand-out work of excellence. That one was far superior to the other books, fostering rumors that it was not his work." (I wonder if it's true. We each have a voice in writing, and it is noticeable if the voice changes.)
"Another theory was that since the author was an English Literature teacher, he stole the manuscript from a student." (shameful)
I am so glad he did not use my father's name." (another shocker)
"Let's us go for a little walk. Feel up to it? (delete 'us' - Let's is a contraction for let us.)
This next section seems unnecessary. Nothing happens, and it doesn't help move the story forward. I think it might be better to delete it and put a scene marker in, then move to the foot of snow. According to "Helping Writers Become Authors," "Everything in your story must move the plot.")
A couple of hours later, they returned.
"Pizza okay for supper, Ben Paul?" Mary asked since she'd already cleared it with Sylvia.
"Great. Don't think we've had any since leaving Colorado. Seems like forever ago."
"It'll be ready in about twenty minutes. I found a pretty decent brand at the grocery."
"We'll just go wash up," Sylvia said.
"We'll be right here."
I hope this helps.
Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2025
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Help indeed. Thank you!
I'm not entirely sold on the 'move the plot' philosophy. (Though I agree that the pizza exchange might need to go.) I've read (and been advised) to include realism and reality to an scene that enables readers to identify with and 'see' the scene. Then there's character development (not moving plot), and the use of titillating touchstones (Oh, I've done that, been there, owned one of those).
Some chapters back Ben and Sylvia bought their car with a lot of 'wasted' words in their perusing newspaper ads. Readers (some, not all) loved it. Boomers could all identify with the characters.
Here, I put grocery store pizza in for the cooks and shoppers just as I might a Remington 870 shotgun. (At least I didn't dress the table with a Crocus arrangement. (smiley face here)
Despite all that, I truly appreciate your very kind review!
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Hi Wayne, Thanks for expanding my understanding.
