Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Ben Paul Persons, chapter 16"A fresh calling
8 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Ben and Sylvia should go by the title of the Crusading Crime Catchers - or something like that:-) I wonder how many more crimes they will solve and souls they will save before they finally reach their home sweet home.
We'll see!
xo
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2025
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Ben and Sylvia should go by the title of the Crusading Crime Catchers - or something like that:-) I wonder how many more crimes they will solve and souls they will save before they finally reach their home sweet home.
We'll see!
xo
Comment Written 12-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2025
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smiley face here
Without an overarching antagonist (Sherlock Holmes' Moriarty) I need to constantly add tension, either from within the church, or without. But never between Ben and Sylvia (smiley face here)
Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Ben and Sylvia are learning a lot of things that may stand them in good stead if they ever decide to get on the wrong side of the law. They are also smarter than the police who probably would never suspect the bank president.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2025
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Ben and Sylvia are learning a lot of things that may stand them in good stead if they ever decide to get on the wrong side of the law. They are also smarter than the police who probably would never suspect the bank president.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2025
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Thank you. The bank president was probably a good ol' boy.
I appreciate your very nice review.
Comment from Elias Noor
The chapter is engaging and suspenseful, with well-developed characters and a steadily unfolding mystery. Clarifying some backstory details and raising the immediate stakes could enhance the narrative even further.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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The chapter is engaging and suspenseful, with well-developed characters and a steadily unfolding mystery. Clarifying some backstory details and raising the immediate stakes could enhance the narrative even further.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Thank you for the review and tips. I appreciate it.
Comment from Ric Myworld
When the sheriff tells you not to leave town, you'd have to think that you're having to just hang around until charges are brought against you. But never fear, Ben will figure it out. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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When the sheriff tells you not to leave town, you'd have to think that you're having to just hang around until charges are brought against you. But never fear, Ben will figure it out. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Thank you. Can't just 'get outta Dodge' just yet.
Comment from Barry Penfold
Interesting developments in the story. Hopefully, Ben will be able to gather the evidence he needs to get out of the mess he is in. Like the conversation you have evolved. Thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Interesting developments in the story. Hopefully, Ben will be able to gather the evidence he needs to get out of the mess he is in. Like the conversation you have evolved. Thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Thank you I appreciate the very nice review.
Comment from Wendy G
One has to admire them both, for the initiative they show, and their clear thinking. The police on the other hand are not committed to logical reasoning eg wiping the door handle so there's be no fingerrints and then suiciding.
Wndy
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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One has to admire them both, for the initiative they show, and their clear thinking. The police on the other hand are not committed to logical reasoning eg wiping the door handle so there's be no fingerrints and then suiciding.
Wndy
Comment Written 11-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Thank you for your level eye. I always appreciate your reviews.
Comment from lancellot
Good detective work. You have a solid chapter, with good pacing. Just a few nits. Nothing major.
notes
( ")Ben Paul was already headed out of town
-remove
Maybe they're holding the wife hostage until they can get away free?["]
-add
After a moment she {replied. "But that} doesn't explain Missy Pucker-face."
-replied, "But that
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Good detective work. You have a solid chapter, with good pacing. Just a few nits. Nothing major.
notes
( ")Ben Paul was already headed out of town
-remove
Maybe they're holding the wife hostage until they can get away free?["]
-add
After a moment she {replied. "But that} doesn't explain Missy Pucker-face."
-replied, "But that
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Thank you for the 'nit' help. I appreciate them.
And thank you for the very kind review.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Know I'm just jumping in here, so no context... but well written chapter with good dialogue that 's easy to follow. :) Be sure to pop back in there and correct 'outts' in your subtitle... Thanx for sharing and good luck with the book! ;)
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Know I'm just jumping in here, so no context... but well written chapter with good dialogue that 's easy to follow. :) Be sure to pop back in there and correct 'outts' in your subtitle... Thanx for sharing and good luck with the book! ;)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Thank you. I'm afraid you popped in toward the very end. Only 8-9 chapters left of a 260,000 word project. But thank you!
