A Couplets Contest Gone Prose
A baseball story13 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I'm glad you didn't enter this into the contest as there were a few lines that were not independent of others. But that could have been fixed, and I think it would have made a great "couplet story".
I know how much you love your "damn Yankees" (remember, I'm a Red Sox fan), so I probably would have also guessed that you wrote this (in a blind contest).
It reads like a play-by-play, John. I think it's terrific!
Happy to see you posting again.
xo
Pam
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I'm glad you didn't enter this into the contest as there were a few lines that were not independent of others. But that could have been fixed, and I think it would have made a great "couplet story".
I know how much you love your "damn Yankees" (remember, I'm a Red Sox fan), so I probably would have also guessed that you wrote this (in a blind contest).
It reads like a play-by-play, John. I think it's terrific!
Happy to see you posting again.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 21-Nov-2024
Comment from Jim Wile
Seems like this would have qualified, John. This was really good. Those short 2-word lines really flowed well and kept the tension up. You told the story perfectly, and I thought to myself how cool this was with just two words on every line. You distilled it down to its essence. Great job!
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Seems like this would have qualified, John. This was really good. Those short 2-word lines really flowed well and kept the tension up. You told the story perfectly, and I thought to myself how cool this was with just two words on every line. You distilled it down to its essence. Great job!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2024
Comment from Gayla putnam
I love the cadence of your poem. It moves along in a snappy way, reflecting a baseball game. The lyrics are clever, and I could picture each play as if I were watching the game. It's an interesting poetic form, and you did it well. gayla
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I love the cadence of your poem. It moves along in a snappy way, reflecting a baseball game. The lyrics are clever, and I could picture each play as if I were watching the game. It's an interesting poetic form, and you did it well. gayla
Comment Written 20-Nov-2024
Comment from Wendy G
Well, I think you met all the requirements of the contest. The couplets made one read fast, and it was a suitable way to describe a fast game, so the topic was perfect for your format! Well done.
Wendy
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Well, I think you met all the requirements of the contest. The couplets made one read fast, and it was a suitable way to describe a fast game, so the topic was perfect for your format! Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Nov-2024
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You brought all the action of the game with your short sharp lines here John and I loved that there was a win at the end of it too. A fine post, love Dolly x x x x
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You brought all the action of the game with your short sharp lines here John and I loved that there was a win at the end of it too. A fine post, love Dolly x x x x
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Yay, and he slides write in for a home run. And the fans go crazy because Debi purposely used the wrong write. I mean right. Oh well, it was an awesome game because you were leading the whole time. Leading towards home as you are batting again because we are playing John's rules. So you swing again and this time you have a grand slam and a perfect game score. After all this is so much fun to see you doing what you do best, playing ball and writing. Gosh, I have missed seeing that. Well I wouldn't have missed this one for anything and I am so glad I got to this game to see you play. You did an amazing job and I wouldn't have missed this for anything, dear bro. Love, Debi
(I know it's stupid, but just go with it. LOL)
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Yay, and he slides write in for a home run. And the fans go crazy because Debi purposely used the wrong write. I mean right. Oh well, it was an awesome game because you were leading the whole time. Leading towards home as you are batting again because we are playing John's rules. So you swing again and this time you have a grand slam and a perfect game score. After all this is so much fun to see you doing what you do best, playing ball and writing. Gosh, I have missed seeing that. Well I wouldn't have missed this one for anything and I am so glad I got to this game to see you play. You did an amazing job and I wouldn't have missed this for anything, dear bro. Love, Debi
(I know it's stupid, but just go with it. LOL)
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Stupid? No way.
Thank you for the fantastic review. It felt good to write again. It felt real good though it took me a few days to do.
I tried to make the flow perfect and sensible. It's tough to make two words flow sensibly,
Anyways, I appreciate the six stars and allllll your kind words.
Love ya,
John
Comment from jim vecchio
Thanks for this thrill-a-line visit to the Ballpark. So well done. In the 70s I went with my work buddies to Yankee Stadium. In the 9th inning, they were losing by 2 runs with 2 outs. I couldn't hold it in anymore. When I came out of the rest room, there was a huge roaring crowd and they carried me away with them. I never did find my buddies again. Chris Chambliss hit a 3-run homer and won the game!
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Thanks for this thrill-a-line visit to the Ballpark. So well done. In the 70s I went with my work buddies to Yankee Stadium. In the 9th inning, they were losing by 2 runs with 2 outs. I couldn't hold it in anymore. When I came out of the rest room, there was a huge roaring crowd and they carried me away with them. I never did find my buddies again. Chris Chambliss hit a 3-run homer and won the game!
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Wow. Chris Chambliss. What a player.
Thank you for the great review.
John
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Thank you for your writing!
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Great job! I felt like I was at Fenway. Yes I said it. I'm a Red Sox fan! Don't come for me lol I've been working on mine and it is NOT easy. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Great job! I felt like I was at Fenway. Yes I said it. I'm a Red Sox fan! Don't come for me lol I've been working on mine and it is NOT easy. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Red Sox? And I liked you?
Only kidding. I still like you! Maybe. No, I do....
Thanks for the read...
John
Comment from lyenochka
Were you at the game, John? Hubby grew up in NY and always rooted for the Mets. :)) Good to see you back at posting!
Enjoyed how you shared about the game that the Yankees won in these short lines.
I don't think you really care about the grammar issues but a lot were just apostrophe missing from contractions like:
Moons bright (Moon's bright) for Moon is bright
Airs crisp (Air's)
Stadiums buzzing (Stadium's)
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Were you at the game, John? Hubby grew up in NY and always rooted for the Mets. :)) Good to see you back at posting!
Enjoyed how you shared about the game that the Yankees won in these short lines.
I don't think you really care about the grammar issues but a lot were just apostrophe missing from contractions like:
Moons bright (Moon's bright) for Moon is bright
Airs crisp (Air's)
Stadiums buzzing (Stadium's)
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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I wrote this on the fly, so I'm not surprised by the errors.
This was a fun write. Hopeful for more...
John
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I'm hopeful, too! 😻💖
Comment from Regina Elliott
Dear poet, I love this two word
couplet. It cascades down
melodiously like a waterfall.
I'm originally from Long Island, and I prefer the Mets, lol! But great baseball poem.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Dear poet, I love this two word
couplet. It cascades down
melodiously like a waterfall.
I'm originally from Long Island, and I prefer the Mets, lol! But great baseball poem.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much for this fantastic review. I appreciate it very much.
John