Childrens poem - Snap Snap!
A tale of a very hungry crocodile15 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Caroline,
This is a well written poem using repetition well. It shows how persistence gets you what you need.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great day.
Joan
  |
Hi Caroline,
This is a well written poem using repetition well. It shows how persistence gets you what you need.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great day.
Joan
Comment Written 18-Jul-2024
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am guessing the boar would be safe for at least a while. LOL The rhyming scheme with this contest entry is very good. I enjoyed reading and want to wish you luck with the contest.
|
I am guessing the boar would be safe for at least a while. LOL The rhyming scheme with this contest entry is very good. I enjoyed reading and want to wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2024
Comment from Jim Wile
What a delightful, humorous children's poem, Caroline, about a hapless crocodile. Much as he tried, he couldn't seem to catch his intended prey. Kids ought to love this.
I think you wanted me to comment on the meter, which is a very tricky one. To do it justice, it would be too difficult for me to comment on in FanStory because of the limits of the review boxes. It would be much easier, and I think more valuable to you, if we were to do this by email. I would be very happy to give a thorough critique of the meter of this poem, showing you where it breaks down and offering suggestions on how to improve it. I've done this with a number of poets here who sought my advice, and I enjoy doing these critiques. Most of my "students" have found them to be helpful. In fact, I just did one for another FanStorian with a very similarly-structured poem whose critique I can borrow heavily from for yours.
If you are interested, let me know by emailing me at jwile123@gmail.com. - Jim
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
|
What a delightful, humorous children's poem, Caroline, about a hapless crocodile. Much as he tried, he couldn't seem to catch his intended prey. Kids ought to love this.
I think you wanted me to comment on the meter, which is a very tricky one. To do it justice, it would be too difficult for me to comment on in FanStory because of the limits of the review boxes. It would be much easier, and I think more valuable to you, if we were to do this by email. I would be very happy to give a thorough critique of the meter of this poem, showing you where it breaks down and offering suggestions on how to improve it. I've done this with a number of poets here who sought my advice, and I enjoy doing these critiques. Most of my "students" have found them to be helpful. In fact, I just did one for another FanStorian with a very similarly-structured poem whose critique I can borrow heavily from for yours.
If you are interested, let me know by emailing me at jwile123@gmail.com. - Jim
Comment Written 04-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
-
Thanks so much Jim, I will indeed drop you an email. :-)
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a very good entry for the "poem for a child" contest. That repeated snap snap is very catchy, and just what children like. I envision hand motions to go with that. Thanks for sharing! Julie
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
|
This is a very good entry for the "poem for a child" contest. That repeated snap snap is very catchy, and just what children like. I envision hand motions to go with that. Thanks for sharing! Julie
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
-
Hi Julie, Yes definitely hand movements with the snap snap! Thank you for the kind review.
With best wishes
Caroline
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a fun poem for the contest Caroline and I enjoyed this fun poem about a snappy crocodile needing a feed, your baby probably reminded you of an impatient crocodile! Ha ha ha, I wish you luck with the contest, I enjoyed the flow and the humour here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
|
This is a fun poem for the contest Caroline and I enjoyed this fun poem about a snappy crocodile needing a feed, your baby probably reminded you of an impatient crocodile! Ha ha ha, I wish you luck with the contest, I enjoyed the flow and the humour here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
-
Thank you - and yes I think you?re right! thanks for the kind review Dolly. It?s much appreciated.
Best wishes
Caroline
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well, I think you did an excellent job in those wee hours! This would be magical for a child with the repetition and onomatopoeia of the first line of each stanza. And despite his bad press, the crocodile is quite endearing here:) Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
|
Well, I think you did an excellent job in those wee hours! This would be magical for a child with the repetition and onomatopoeia of the first line of each stanza. And despite his bad press, the crocodile is quite endearing here:) Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
-
Thank you Debbie, I really appreciate all your reviews and that you have taken the time to make comments.
With my best wishes
Caroline
Comment from Aussie
I would mark this ' Children' on the header. This is quite a fun write, I've just written a horror story for a contest, and guess what? All about salt-water Croc. Your poem for children is clear and funny and your genre is writing for children. Best wishes in the contest. K xx
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
|
I would mark this ' Children' on the header. This is quite a fun write, I've just written a horror story for a contest, and guess what? All about salt-water Croc. Your poem for children is clear and funny and your genre is writing for children. Best wishes in the contest. K xx
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
-
Oooh I shall look that out Aussie, We have no experience of crocs in the UK, so it is probably easier for us to see them in the way a cartoon croc would be. They are not a creature we have to warn our children about. I?ll look at your suggestion too - thanks so much
Best wishes
Caroline
-
I toured England/Scotland for a couple of months back in 88. If I could, I would live there in the country. K xx
-
Well that is praise indeed from someone who lives in Australia. Ironically my daughter has just applied to do her year abroad at uni in Australia. She is desperate to get a place so we all have everything crossed for her! If she does I hope we will visit at Christmas.
-
Hi Caroline, Is it too expensive to go to Uni in the UK? We have thousands of foreign students here (the Asians take the cake) I hope she has applied already. Whereabouts are you?
-
It is expensive go to uni in the UK - but not as expensive as many places I don?t think! My daughter is studying in the UK - 3 year course but with an extra year if she wishes to study in another country. She has indeed applied for Oz.
We are based in the Peak District near Manchester.
-
I remember the Peak District. Does she know anyone in Oz?
-
Not at all, but there are only 4 places available in Australia so there?s a long way to go!
Ironically we went to a cookery school in Marrakech recently and met an amazing Australian woman who used to be a lawyer and has shared lots of contacts - so hopefully that will be somewhere to start!
-
I live on the East Coast of Queensland, we have a lot of Uni's here.
-
Unfortunately, our Govt. has stopped entry for foreign students. Have you heard anything?
Comment from LJbutterfly
I like the rhythmic flow of the rhymes throughout the story. No lines seemed forced. As a retired preschool teacher, I think this story would work best as a picture book with cartoon illustrations showing the various animals getting away from a friendly looking crocodile. Otherwise, young children might be fearful for the animals. I especially liked the ending where the hungry crocodile is no longer hungry.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
|
I like the rhythmic flow of the rhymes throughout the story. No lines seemed forced. As a retired preschool teacher, I think this story would work best as a picture book with cartoon illustrations showing the various animals getting away from a friendly looking crocodile. Otherwise, young children might be fearful for the animals. I especially liked the ending where the hungry crocodile is no longer hungry.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
-
Thank you for your kind review, yes he is meant to be not too threatening, so I absolutely agree with your point. Always lovely to hear from people who have experience teaching kids. 🤗
Thanks so much for taking the time to review.
Best wishes
Caroline
Comment from royowen
Although it wasn't a colicky baby that inspired, it has often been knowing that if I didn't write my inspiration down, come morning, I wouldn't remember. I didn't start writing poetry until my sixties, (although I wrote songs in my forties);this is brilliant, and doesn't atall suggest a dark mood, I can remember those nights well done sweetly written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
|
Although it wasn't a colicky baby that inspired, it has often been knowing that if I didn't write my inspiration down, come morning, I wouldn't remember. I didn't start writing poetry until my sixties, (although I wrote songs in my forties);this is brilliant, and doesn't atall suggest a dark mood, I can remember those nights well done sweetly written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
-
Yes! Funny isn?t it, that our brain can create things but sends them back to whence they came if you dare to fall asleep without writing them down!
If it hadn?t been for those nights I think I may never have started writing as my adult self - I wrote consistently as a child/teenager as a way of exploring my feelings and growing up. There is such comfort in words.
With best wishes Roy
Caroline
-
That?s a excellent reason
Comment from Allieas
I loved your poem! I'm looking forward to reading this to my bonus kiddos; I think they'd enjoy it! I'm sorry you have a colicky baby, that's so hard. I hope they feel better soon and you're able to get some rest!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
|
I loved your poem! I'm looking forward to reading this to my bonus kiddos; I think they'd enjoy it! I'm sorry you have a colicky baby, that's so hard. I hope they feel better soon and you're able to get some rest!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
-
Hi Alexandra, thanks so much for your comments. I would love you to read the poem to your bonus kiddos!
The poem was the first one I wrote at the start of my adult foray into poetry - my kids are of leaving home age now - although showing no signs of it just yet!
I wanted to get some feedback on the poem and my writing in general which was why I joined the site, so it?s really interesting to see how people engage with it (or don?t!)
Best wishes
Caroline
