One Thousand Cranes
Viewing comments for Chapter 290 "My Fallen Hero"Gypsy's Favorites
14 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Oh, Marival, that was a hard lesson to learn. If this is biographical then I'm so sorry. Your Dad should never have put himself nor you in that position. That is so not right. Un abrazo mi Amiga. Estoy aqui. Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Oh, Marival, that was a hard lesson to learn. If this is biographical then I'm so sorry. Your Dad should never have put himself nor you in that position. That is so not right. Un abrazo mi Amiga. Estoy aqui. Ulla xxx
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Gracias, Ulla, I appreciate your offer, you are very kind. This is a biographical story. I am amaze of the number of people who reached out to me to share their own father/daughter relationships.
Thank you for the excellent five stars review and kind words, I really appreciate it.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Mary Vigasin
How very sad to find out your hero had feet of clay.
An emotional and heartbreaking poem, Your dad should not have chosen his second wife over this child. I am glad you still hold on to the good memories of him.
A longer poem than you usually write. It just shows how talented you are.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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How very sad to find out your hero had feet of clay.
An emotional and heartbreaking poem, Your dad should not have chosen his second wife over this child. I am glad you still hold on to the good memories of him.
A longer poem than you usually write. It just shows how talented you are.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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I can write long poems but I love Japanese poetry. I have been a mood and have been writing more free verse. I appreciate your insightful and kind review, Mary.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi MariVal, (Reina Lobo Gitana)...
heroes fall to expectations of an ideal. Your father should never have been put in a position to have to choose. Just that action would have to place an ultimatum one would have thought a father would see the true colours within a selfish-cold woman. But choices are made, right or wrong for whatever reason... so sad! And so the journey began!
You are a magic story-teller, and free verse poetry allows your craft to shine... even though such sorrow and heartbreak.
You painted such an amazing picture within your imagery. The ups, the love shared, the milestones reached... 'til mom died.
'Til opaque clouds shrouded the sparkle of stars within a daughter's eyes.
After all these years
I still need him at times
but his spirit soars
over...
mountains
blue oceans
green lands
the moon
and stars
he is gone
my fallen hero.
Perfect ending!
With our thoughts we create...
indelible memories.
Warm regards,
James.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Hi MariVal, (Reina Lobo Gitana)...
heroes fall to expectations of an ideal. Your father should never have been put in a position to have to choose. Just that action would have to place an ultimatum one would have thought a father would see the true colours within a selfish-cold woman. But choices are made, right or wrong for whatever reason... so sad! And so the journey began!
You are a magic story-teller, and free verse poetry allows your craft to shine... even though such sorrow and heartbreak.
You painted such an amazing picture within your imagery. The ups, the love shared, the milestones reached... 'til mom died.
'Til opaque clouds shrouded the sparkle of stars within a daughter's eyes.
After all these years
I still need him at times
but his spirit soars
over...
mountains
blue oceans
green lands
the moon
and stars
he is gone
my fallen hero.
Perfect ending!
With our thoughts we create...
indelible memories.
Warm regards,
James.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Dear, James, my friend,
As always, it feels like you can see right through me, you are a very perceptive reviewer and friend. Thank you for your empathic feedback. I especially thank you for writing this review when you are in pain. I feel a little guilty to take your time.
Thank you for the exceptional six stars review and kind words,ly appreciate it.
Gypsy hugs
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I believe it my choice for my time to be taken? And really, guilt is a wasted emotion in this instance, dear friend.
I have missed reviewing so many of your works I could also say I feel guilty? Life happens, it's a given... pain happens, it's definitely a given, suffering happens... but the choice of misery... ours to own.
This story written within this poem hits me everytime knowing it... I hug the little MariVal and let her know everything will work out... life it a set of lessons, paths to be taken, growth to be had. You have excelled in class young lady! Smile(((((((((((((((.
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Sorry, of course, it's your time and you are a grown man, you know how to take care of yourself. I'm a very nurturing woman and sometimes is not appropriate. I will let it go.
Don't feel guilty for not reviewing, I totally understand and look at us! What a pair. Hahaha
Little marival says thank you and sends a big hug.
Thank you, James
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One thing... a friend's a friend, I love your nurturing side. What's appropriate? Something with a caring tone... yes, look at us, what a pair!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These are sad words and children often feel abandoned when a parent remarries, I am sorry if this happened to you. Your message comes across loud and clear in your free write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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These are sad words and children often feel abandoned when a parent remarries, I am sorry if this happened to you. Your message comes across loud and clear in your free write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023
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Yes, it happened to me.
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi MaryVal,
This poem is heartfelt and shows how stupid some people can be. Your father shouldn't have chosen a child over the second wife. But I am glad you have some good memories of him now that he is gone.
The poem uses line breaks and repetition to good effect.
This is the first long poem I have seen you write. The free verse works well for the story.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great weekend.
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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Hi MaryVal,
This poem is heartfelt and shows how stupid some people can be. Your father shouldn't have chosen a child over the second wife. But I am glad you have some good memories of him now that he is gone.
The poem uses line breaks and repetition to good effect.
This is the first long poem I have seen you write. The free verse works well for the story.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great weekend.
Joan
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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At the beginning, when I joined fanstory, I wrote a lot of free verse until I found haiku and felt in love with it. Japanese poetry is a form of free verse. Now I write it once in a while.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review my poem, Joan, I appreciate it.
Gypsy hugs
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Thanks for the historical info on your past writing. It is always fun to get more into on writers here.
You're most welcome for the review
Joan
Comment from shelley kaye
he was my lifesaver <-- past tense
I hang on to Dad <-- present tense -- did you mean HUNG?
until I learned to swim <-- past tense
at least you have some good memories to hold on to...
a great free verse with some scattered rhyme
smooth flow and format
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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he was my lifesaver <-- past tense
I hang on to Dad <-- present tense -- did you mean HUNG?
until I learned to swim <-- past tense
at least you have some good memories to hold on to...
a great free verse with some scattered rhyme
smooth flow and format
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the helpful feedback, I fixed it.
Thank you very much for your kind review and feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from barbara.wilkey
No parent should ever be asked to choose. If they are then that is a reason right there that person is not right for them. I am sorry. I am a daddy's girl. My dad died 7 years ago, and I still miss him horribly. Thank you for sharing this emotional poem.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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No parent should ever be asked to choose. If they are then that is a reason right there that person is not right for them. I am sorry. I am a daddy's girl. My dad died 7 years ago, and I still miss him horribly. Thank you for sharing this emotional poem.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much for your kind review and feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, your poem is soulful and filled with pain as well as fond memories of which I can relate. No parent or spouse should ever be asked to choose One over the other. At 15, were you totally on your own in America or did you have a family member to go to?
Of note:
his new wife made him choose
between her or me
and he chose her
Also:
till he asked me to stop calling
to make her happy
(G, both of the above wrongfully happen too often.)
A fallen hero indeed. God bless you. Xo. M
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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Hi Gypsy, your poem is soulful and filled with pain as well as fond memories of which I can relate. No parent or spouse should ever be asked to choose One over the other. At 15, were you totally on your own in America or did you have a family member to go to?
Of note:
his new wife made him choose
between her or me
and he chose her
Also:
till he asked me to stop calling
to make her happy
(G, both of the above wrongfully happen too often.)
A fallen hero indeed. God bless you. Xo. M
Comment Written 09-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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Hello, Margaret, the story is true, it happened to me. It still affects the way I relate to people, especially men. I am lucky to have family in California. I moved to my aunts' house and they helped me a lot. Still, it was very scary and sad at the beginning. You are right, this kind of thing happens a lot.
Thank you very much for your kind review and feedback.
Gypsy hugs
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My father's mother use to put a tag on her children when they turned age 13 and put them on a bus to an unknown relative in NYC to work and send Her money for younger children.
My aunt recalls having to sleep in the same bed with this unknown uncle.
Yikes! Who the hell know what happened or didn't happen there.
However, my dad was not letting anyone put a tag on him like a dog. He ran away before that time--age 12--no one even looked for him. They figured eventually he would show up. Unreal, but that was the way the world was--cruel. The world is still cruel, but in a different way. God blessed you with an Aunt who took care of you and nurtured you. Xo. M
Comment from lyenochka
I'm sorry to hear about the disappointment and hurt that your father gave you when he chose your stepmother over you. But you grew strong and I'm so glad you blossomed here in a new country!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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I'm sorry to hear about the disappointment and hurt that your father gave you when he chose your stepmother over you. But you grew strong and I'm so glad you blossomed here in a new country!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2023
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Yes, his abandonment turned out to be a good thing in one way. Thank you for reading and reviewing, big sister.
Love
Marival ❤️
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💞💖
Comment from Anne Johnston
Your poem tells a sad story. I am glad you have some good memories of your dad, but that must have been very hard to be cut off from him. thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2023
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Your poem tells a sad story. I am glad you have some good memories of your dad, but that must have been very hard to be cut off from him. thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review my poem.
Gypsy hugs