One Thousand Cranes
Viewing comments for Chapter 181 "Desolate Park"Gypsy's Favorites
15 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
The sentiments in this Senryu are quite deep and thought-provoking indeed. It's a lovely presentation of a short poem and I found it interesting and quite a different poem to read. Thanks Gypsy, Giddy
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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The sentiments in this Senryu are quite deep and thought-provoking indeed. It's a lovely presentation of a short poem and I found it interesting and quite a different poem to read. Thanks Gypsy, Giddy
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much, Giddy. I'm happy you like it.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Mark Schardine
Does it seem desolate now because the truth became clear? It seemed verdant when the lies seemed credible, and now it seems as it nothing will ever be in order again.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Does it seem desolate now because the truth became clear? It seemed verdant when the lies seemed credible, and now it seems as it nothing will ever be in order again.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much, Mark.
Gypsy
Comment from RGstar
Strong in projection, and relevant the words, for they speak of the other side of the coin...not always love and things derived, but ''lies scattered in infertile soil'' is magic to the ears. As strong a sentiment as I have seen.
A very well done.
Best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Strong in projection, and relevant the words, for they speak of the other side of the coin...not always love and things derived, but ''lies scattered in infertile soil'' is magic to the ears. As strong a sentiment as I have seen.
A very well done.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 12-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words, RG. Your feedback means a lot to me. Best wishes.
Comment from Gee
Mrs. Gypsy, I was surprised. I was expecting to see a haiku.
A "Modren Senyru", something new for me. It was good. I like the Senryu twist.
Thanks for sharing, it is greatly appreciated.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Mrs. Gypsy, I was surprised. I was expecting to see a haiku.
A "Modren Senyru", something new for me. It was good. I like the Senryu twist.
Thanks for sharing, it is greatly appreciated.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much, Gee. I appreciate your time and kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from aryr
I really liked your Modern Senryu, it definitely met the criteria of such. The picture was perfect for your words. And those words covered the area of the park, meeting, the lies on the soil. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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I really liked your Modern Senryu, it definitely met the criteria of such. The picture was perfect for your words. And those words covered the area of the park, meeting, the lies on the soil. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much, Aryr. I appreciate your time and kind review. Blessed be.
Gypsy hugs
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I enjoyed this one, you are so very welcome, blessed be.
Comment from AP Apgar
Interesting poem...exposes feeling of darkness regret and anger about a past relationship that caused pain and suffering to occur. The picture of a black forest (infertile) where nothing (no heartfelt relationship) could ever grow again. Wicked witch of the west stuff...run Toto run! Good Job. Maybe too good? Bless.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Interesting poem...exposes feeling of darkness regret and anger about a past relationship that caused pain and suffering to occur. The picture of a black forest (infertile) where nothing (no heartfelt relationship) could ever grow again. Wicked witch of the west stuff...run Toto run! Good Job. Maybe too good? Bless.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much, AP. I appreciate your time and kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Gypsy, Good senryu, bad start to a relationship when it's
scattered with lies.
Of special note:
your lies scattered
on infertile soil
(Wow. That says it all. Delivers a punch. Real writing.)
Well chosen artwork. Well done. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Hello Gypsy, Good senryu, bad start to a relationship when it's
scattered with lies.
Of special note:
your lies scattered
on infertile soil
(Wow. That says it all. Delivers a punch. Real writing.)
Well chosen artwork. Well done. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from kiwigirl2821
These make sense of all the crap thrown at you as you "grow and mature".
I like how this one makes a valid point in so few syllables. We tend to lament words about the whada, coulda, woulda, of things gone south. This way of thinking and writing seems so much better. Well done Gypsy.
xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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These make sense of all the crap thrown at you as you "grow and mature".
I like how this one makes a valid point in so few syllables. We tend to lament words about the whada, coulda, woulda, of things gone south. This way of thinking and writing seems so much better. Well done Gypsy.
xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much, Kiwi. I appreciate your time and kind review.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
Wow, this tells a lot about this relationship. The place where the couple met is now "desolate." And the lies that the other told did not bear fruit or spread other lies because they fell on "infertile soil." That's good - at least, the narrator was spared the insincere relationship.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Wow, this tells a lot about this relationship. The place where the couple met is now "desolate." And the lies that the other told did not bear fruit or spread other lies because they fell on "infertile soil." That's good - at least, the narrator was spared the insincere relationship.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Helen. You always get me. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem.
Hugs!
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💖
Comment from juliaSjames
Hello Gypsy
I like the double meaning of infertile soil and the way this reference allows the poem to loop back to desolate park.. Very atmospheric senryu.
A question..When you write that senryu doesn't have to have a strict syllable count, do you mean it can exceed 17 syllables total? Or do you mean the lines can vary from the traditional 5/7/5?
Thanks for sharing
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Hello Gypsy
I like the double meaning of infertile soil and the way this reference allows the poem to loop back to desolate park.. Very atmospheric senryu.
A question..When you write that senryu doesn't have to have a strict syllable count, do you mean it can exceed 17 syllables total? Or do you mean the lines can vary from the traditional 5/7/5?
Thanks for sharing
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2022
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Modern Senryu had less rules than classic Senryu.
It doesn't have a strict lines and syllables count BUT it has to be as succinct as possible. I usually keep it from 12 to 17 syllables but if it needs to have one or two extra syllables is okay. It all depends on the individual poem. I think this one is 16. If you decide to write a modern Senryu and want to share it with me I will give you feedback.
Thank you very much for your review and helpful feedback, Julia.
Gypsy hugs
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Ok
Sounds interesting
I will try
Julia