Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Betrayal Chapter 33"In the title.
40 total reviews
Comment from DSchlosser
Great chapter here! I loved the conversation between Grant and Tania in this chapter. I actually work in newborn screening for the state, and we end up getting babies listed as being born in the strangest places sometimes. This is definitely one of those moments where the baby will be listed as home or something else as what hospital the baby was born at.
The interactions with all the people in this chapter were really good.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Great chapter here! I loved the conversation between Grant and Tania in this chapter. I actually work in newborn screening for the state, and we end up getting babies listed as being born in the strangest places sometimes. This is definitely one of those moments where the baby will be listed as home or something else as what hospital the baby was born at.
The interactions with all the people in this chapter were really good.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, David, for this really lovely, and encouraging, review. To have a man say these nice things about this chapter is something else! Thank you! And an extra hug for the sixth star! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2021
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 04-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2021
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Thank you so very much! What a lovely way to start a day. Thank you!
Comment from JudyE
We moved six days ago and I lost my computer mouse in the process which explains why I'm so late reviewing this. Like you, I'm never moving again either.
The description here is very authentic and I have just one suggestion:
I'll go to Latifah!' she ordered before spinning on her heel and dashing off. - comma after 'ordered'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2021
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We moved six days ago and I lost my computer mouse in the process which explains why I'm so late reviewing this. Like you, I'm never moving again either.
The description here is very authentic and I have just one suggestion:
I'll go to Latifah!' she ordered before spinning on her heel and dashing off. - comma after 'ordered'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 01-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2021
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It's a nightmare, isn't it? I'm far too old for this lark, the next move I do will be me being carried out in the box! Are you settled now? It has taken us longer than the last time we moved. :(
Thank you so much for catching up, Judy, and for the pointer. I've gone in and put the comma in. I was pleasantly surprised to note that was the only correction you gave me! :)) I'm also very pleased you thought it very authentic. You made my day, my friend. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
This is quite a dilemma but since there are really no options it's not quite a dilemma. It is just a tough spot for everyone. During a hurricane even though an eye will pass over the spot is no joyful event. Adding an impending birth to that complicates it even more.
We are learning a lot in this chapter. First we learn that Grant is a planner, then we learn that Tonya is much stronger then we anticipated. She is prepared to take charge even though it is an uncomfortable situation.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-May-2021
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Hello Sandra.
This is quite a dilemma but since there are really no options it's not quite a dilemma. It is just a tough spot for everyone. During a hurricane even though an eye will pass over the spot is no joyful event. Adding an impending birth to that complicates it even more.
We are learning a lot in this chapter. First we learn that Grant is a planner, then we learn that Tonya is much stronger then we anticipated. She is prepared to take charge even though it is an uncomfortable situation.
Robert
Comment Written 30-May-2021
reply by the author on 30-May-2021
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What is that expression? When it rains, it pours!! I think that applies here. Lol. Thank you so much for reading this part, I'm sorry you didn't benifit with some member cents. I've just posted the next part. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
I've been off site a lot because we've moved house, and I'm trying to get Scout's book together ready to publish. I can't wait to give it to her. I'll let you all know what she thinks of it when I give it to her.
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That's the one. You're welcome.
Comment from dmt1967
'In less than a minute, the sofa became a (bed). Pillows and sheets were underneath with which he expertly made up the (bed).' The wor 'bed' is overused here. Try 'He used the pillow and sheets to make a bed.'
Thank you for sharing and stay safe. I am glad the move went well. I thought I had missed a few chapters but I don't think I have apart from the first few.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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'In less than a minute, the sofa became a (bed). Pillows and sheets were underneath with which he expertly made up the (bed).' The wor 'bed' is overused here. Try 'He used the pillow and sheets to make a bed.'
Thank you for sharing and stay safe. I am glad the move went well. I thought I had missed a few chapters but I don't think I have apart from the first few.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Hi Jackie, thank you for that, I've completely changed that sentence now. Fresh eyes always find things I've missed. :)) It's been hard to write and move, but I'm getting there. It wouldn't have taken me so long ten years ago, but age overtook me!! Lol. Thank you for reading this part, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxxx
Comment from muffinmama
Well of course babies will do as they will. But this baby is being particularly difficult. This is no time to put in an appearance.
All the stress and tension, baby and hurricane, is converging on the hideaway that was meant to be a safe haven, for Tania and the others. However, it's an opportunity for Tania to display her courage and discipline and efficiency, no matter what is going on inside her.
I'm such a suspicious person, still thinking that Rapier will put in an appearance and at the worst possible time.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Well of course babies will do as they will. But this baby is being particularly difficult. This is no time to put in an appearance.
All the stress and tension, baby and hurricane, is converging on the hideaway that was meant to be a safe haven, for Tania and the others. However, it's an opportunity for Tania to display her courage and discipline and efficiency, no matter what is going on inside her.
I'm such a suspicious person, still thinking that Rapier will put in an appearance and at the worst possible time.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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You couldn't have worded your review better, Ryma, and I thank you very much for it. You can't take things for granted, what might have normally been a safe haven has now turn into something quite different. You are absolutely right about Tania, it is a time to show how disciplined she can be in a given situation and I'm sure Grant will be taking it all in! Thank you, my friend! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow,preparing for a delivery under stormy circumstances, let's hope that Grant will deliver and Tania will help this baby make it through. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Wow,preparing for a delivery under stormy circumstances, let's hope that Grant will deliver and Tania will help this baby make it through. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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It's all happening, isn't it! Lol. Thank you so much for reading this part, Iza, and for the lovely review. I really appreciate it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Sandra, with this chapter. You portrayed the intensity of the hurricane well with everyone worried. The description of the shelter was detailed in such a way that I could see it. The emotions of those there were easily felt--both about the hurricane and the about to be born baby. The info on the hurricane was intense and so true. The info about the baby was well described about what all were doing to prepare.
May I suggest on your notes on the characters. I would add a few details to those that only have a small phrase such as the receptionist. I know they are minor, but to me, it stands out that they have so little description.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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You did a great job, Sandra, with this chapter. You portrayed the intensity of the hurricane well with everyone worried. The description of the shelter was detailed in such a way that I could see it. The emotions of those there were easily felt--both about the hurricane and the about to be born baby. The info on the hurricane was intense and so true. The info about the baby was well described about what all were doing to prepare.
May I suggest on your notes on the characters. I would add a few details to those that only have a small phrase such as the receptionist. I know they are minor, but to me, it stands out that they have so little description.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you so very much, Jan, for this lovely review. That you found it all realistic has put a big smile on my face. I will also sort out those characters you mentioned. You were quite right to point that out. Thank you, my friend. Have a wonderful day! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from tfawcus
Wow! You've really ramped up the action here! As is it isn't enough to have three people who've never had anything to do with a birth scurrying around trying to do the best they can, the hurricane resuming as its eye passes through couldn't be better timed! I seem to remember that the reversal that occurs at this stage can be the most damaging part of the storm.
A couple of minor things you might like to look at.
come and take your wife's hand. She needs your strong one to hold onto when she has another contraction. ['your strong one' reads a bit awkwardly to my ear. Maybe something like 'she needs you by her side'?]
He looked at Tania's worried face. 'Don't worry, we'll muddle through.' [possibly rephrase this to remove the worried/worry repetition.]
. I love the way you've handled the rising tension in this chapter. The reactions of all of the characters are realistic and believable.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Wow! You've really ramped up the action here! As is it isn't enough to have three people who've never had anything to do with a birth scurrying around trying to do the best they can, the hurricane resuming as its eye passes through couldn't be better timed! I seem to remember that the reversal that occurs at this stage can be the most damaging part of the storm.
A couple of minor things you might like to look at.
come and take your wife's hand. She needs your strong one to hold onto when she has another contraction. ['your strong one' reads a bit awkwardly to my ear. Maybe something like 'she needs you by her side'?]
He looked at Tania's worried face. 'Don't worry, we'll muddle through.' [possibly rephrase this to remove the worried/worry repetition.]
. I love the way you've handled the rising tension in this chapter. The reactions of all of the characters are realistic and believable.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I replied to you three times and deleted them accidently each time. So I left it for a while and did some more unpacking! Now let me try again!
Thank you so very much for this really lovely review, Tony, and for the lovely six stars!
I agreed totally with your thoughts on those two sentences and made some changes, using your suggestion 'she needs you by her side.' Thank you for that, and I also replaced the 'worried'. :))
I'm really pleased you enjoyed this chapter, it's been quite hectic doing this and sorting out the boxes. Another couple of weeks and I might be straight again. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
So the hurricane is just the preamble to the birth.
I'm glad it's Tania and Grant and not me who has to deliver the baby,
though in the very old days, I guess it wasn't all that uncommon.
I'd need a copy of one of those book for dummies, Birth for Dummies.
I'd bet Isabella knows a bit about these things.
You've managed the suspense and tension very well.
And not a single thought about Max the Cannon.
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Hello Sandra,
So the hurricane is just the preamble to the birth.
I'm glad it's Tania and Grant and not me who has to deliver the baby,
though in the very old days, I guess it wasn't all that uncommon.
I'd need a copy of one of those book for dummies, Birth for Dummies.
I'd bet Isabella knows a bit about these things.
You've managed the suspense and tension very well.
And not a single thought about Max the Cannon.
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you so much, Robert, for another of your fun reviews, you always make me laugh!! Goodness knows what has happened to Rapier, hopefully he tried to swim across!! Even as close as 100 years ago women were getting on with it themselves and going straight back to work. (I'm talking working class now.) I expect that was why there were so many baby deaths and mothers, too.
Thank you ever so much for the six stars, my friend, you have both been such a help to me, I'll never forget it. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
