Lady Lily
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Lady Lily and the Wizard"fantasy poem
38 total reviews
Comment from krys123
W.j.debi;
A marvelous magical tale that has a wizard,King, dragon and butterfly and even a white witch that helps with all despised.
The genre is one of an epistle that is very narrative for the purpose of enjoyment of reading.
The thesis is a interesting one where there is a mad man who desires become king by changing the original king and queen into a dragon and a butterfly and all of his subjects into stone. The white which in turn tries to take the king in butterfly away and tries to turn them back again to a normal state.
The structure which involves the rhyming which is an 8/7/8/7/8/7 syllable count written in a rhyming cinquain type of format. The rhymes are neither forced nor labored and helps with the rhythmic flow which is also done in a Trochiac tetrameeter.
The setting of the poem is very concrete, tonal and connotative full of an allegorical and symbolic nature that is figurative and emblematic.
The imagery is full of metaphors and similes and very descriptive as well as eloquently expressive throughout the poem: "Next, the King became a dragon And the Queen a butterfly. Shrieks of terror filled the throne room; magic sparks began to fly." Fascinating imagery that is very concrete and does remarkably descriptive.
The sound I have covered in the setting which is both rhythm and rhyme of the poem.
Qualities that evoke the reader given an experience of a majestic and magical tale and makes the reader want to read more in the continued poems to come.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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W.j.debi;
A marvelous magical tale that has a wizard,King, dragon and butterfly and even a white witch that helps with all despised.
The genre is one of an epistle that is very narrative for the purpose of enjoyment of reading.
The thesis is a interesting one where there is a mad man who desires become king by changing the original king and queen into a dragon and a butterfly and all of his subjects into stone. The white which in turn tries to take the king in butterfly away and tries to turn them back again to a normal state.
The structure which involves the rhyming which is an 8/7/8/7/8/7 syllable count written in a rhyming cinquain type of format. The rhymes are neither forced nor labored and helps with the rhythmic flow which is also done in a Trochiac tetrameeter.
The setting of the poem is very concrete, tonal and connotative full of an allegorical and symbolic nature that is figurative and emblematic.
The imagery is full of metaphors and similes and very descriptive as well as eloquently expressive throughout the poem: "Next, the King became a dragon And the Queen a butterfly. Shrieks of terror filled the throne room; magic sparks began to fly." Fascinating imagery that is very concrete and does remarkably descriptive.
The sound I have covered in the setting which is both rhythm and rhyme of the poem.
Qualities that evoke the reader given an experience of a majestic and magical tale and makes the reader want to read more in the continued poems to come.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Wow, Alex, you took a while to write this detailed review, so full of encouragement and in-depth analysis. Thank you for mentioning the structure, the imagery, as well as the rhythm and rhyme. I appreciate you analysis of the story line and characters as well. I am grateful you enjoyed it. Thank you. Debi
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You are most sincerely and indeed welcome Debi.
Alex
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I tried to nominate you for reviewing again, but it said I already had this month.
Thanks again for taking the time to give so much detail.
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You are so sincerely welcome Debi.
And thanks again.
Alex
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Very well done debi in this, not so short, poem. Perfect Trochaic meter throughout and an interesting story that I see is to be continued. Look forward to further verses from you and thank you for this excellent read. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Very well done debi in this, not so short, poem. Perfect Trochaic meter throughout and an interesting story that I see is to be continued. Look forward to further verses from you and thank you for this excellent read. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Dorothy, for the encouraging comments. I am so happy to hear you enjoyed the story. I appreciate the excellent review. Debi
Comment from c_lucas
Magic can always be abused and misused. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Magic can always be abused and misused. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review, Charlie. You are so right, magic of any power can be used for good or evil. I appreciate your insights. Debi
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You're welcome, Debi. Charlie
Comment from TAB_that's me
This was very fun to read. It flowed so smoothly - I loved the trochee meter. Great alliteration through. Well done.
teresa
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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This was very fun to read. It flowed so smoothly - I loved the trochee meter. Great alliteration through. Well done.
teresa
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Hi Teresa. I am so happy you found it fun to read. This was my first attempt at trochee meter and I find I like it a lot. It seemed to kind of write itself. Thank you for the great review. Debi
Comment from thee-name
A poem that has a story to tell. An enchanting story.
LADY LILY LOVED HER LEGENDS
BUTTERFLY AND DRAGON KING
THEY WERE, ALL OF THEM, ENCHANTED
ON A DAY IN EARLY SPRING
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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A poem that has a story to tell. An enchanting story.
LADY LILY LOVED HER LEGENDS
BUTTERFLY AND DRAGON KING
THEY WERE, ALL OF THEM, ENCHANTED
ON A DAY IN EARLY SPRING
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review, I appreciate it. Debi
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THANK YOU!
Comment from Goodauthor
Worthy of a six, but alas I only have a five. Suffice it to say this was and expertly done piece of work. Punctuation, proper grammar, and strong imagery enhanced and an the already perfect flow of this piece of folklore fit for a children's bedtime tale I can wait to read more. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Worthy of a six, but alas I only have a five. Suffice it to say this was and expertly done piece of work. Punctuation, proper grammar, and strong imagery enhanced and an the already perfect flow of this piece of folklore fit for a children's bedtime tale I can wait to read more. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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I am so happy to hear you enjoyed this story. Thank you for the great analysis and very encouraging comments about the writing. I appreciate the virtual six as well. Debi
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You're welcome.
Comment from MissMerri
Wow! I agree... this is too good a story to limit to sixteen lines. In fact, I think you might be writing a book, one that you could sell. I am hooked and looking forward to the next installments. Very well written. I only have one suggestion... pretty small, actually.
like they (they'd) feared no one before. Not sure about this but it just seemed like the tenses would be more in agreement.
Loved the story! Excellent trochaic meter too.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Wow! I agree... this is too good a story to limit to sixteen lines. In fact, I think you might be writing a book, one that you could sell. I am hooked and looking forward to the next installments. Very well written. I only have one suggestion... pretty small, actually.
like they (they'd) feared no one before. Not sure about this but it just seemed like the tenses would be more in agreement.
Loved the story! Excellent trochaic meter too.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you for all the positive and encouraging comments. You leave me smiling. I am happy you liked the story and the meter.
Thank you for the suggestion. I have update that line to read "they'd".
Debi
Comment from mfowler
Your trochaic tetrameter works a treat in this fantasy poem. The rhythm is really reader friendly, drawing you into casual, rolling experience. It fits well with the whimsical nature of this verse. You've set up apremise for an expanded franchise and I look forward to the clash of Lady Lily and Wizrd Joe.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Your trochaic tetrameter works a treat in this fantasy poem. The rhythm is really reader friendly, drawing you into casual, rolling experience. It fits well with the whimsical nature of this verse. You've set up apremise for an expanded franchise and I look forward to the clash of Lady Lily and Wizrd Joe.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much for the great analysis and encouraging comments. I am happy to hear you enjoyed the story and look forward to the clash between the two magicians. Debi
Comment from honeytree
Excellent art work
the words were great to read
very clever how these words were written.
Many would fear this wicked wizard.
honey tree
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Excellent art work
the words were great to read
very clever how these words were written.
Many would fear this wicked wizard.
honey tree
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the encouraging comments. I appreciate the great review. Debi
Comment from Dean Kuch
I knew from the moment I saw that picture there was a story there somewhere, and you managed to tell it brilliantly, while maintaining trochaic meter throughout! That is no easy task by any stretch of the imagination.
But, stretch my imagination you did to lofty heights with this imaginative tale of Dragons, faeries, and a wizard named Joe.
Excellent work here, debi!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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I knew from the moment I saw that picture there was a story there somewhere, and you managed to tell it brilliantly, while maintaining trochaic meter throughout! That is no easy task by any stretch of the imagination.
But, stretch my imagination you did to lofty heights with this imaginative tale of Dragons, faeries, and a wizard named Joe.
Excellent work here, debi!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Dean. Unfortunately, it looks like the artist has deleted access to the picture, but I still thank you for including it in that review in May so I could get the inspiration for this poem.
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the story and the writing. I am so happy to hear it stretched your imagination. That can't be easy to do. Your imagination is always so busy. I never know what to expect next from your writing.
Debi
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That's the only draw back to using a photo from someone else, Debi. You never know when they'll delete it. That is why I use all of my own, for the most part. So sorry about that.
Still, you're very welcome, and it is an excellent poem.
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I wish I could draw. I'm afraid even my stick figures would just make people scratch their heads and wonder. Oh, well. We all have different talents, and that is a good thing.
