Comment from lancellot

Excellent

This is a good chapter. Just a few nits that slipped through.

notes:

Terry had printed off a few packets of documents.
-smoother-
Terry printed off a few packets of documents.

The intention was to distribute them to individual officers and have them all of the needed follow up for the open cases.
-Something is off with this sentence.

"All right, all right. Everyone got their coffee's?

-"All right, all right. Everyone got their coffee?

"We have 4 women and one teen male so far.

-"We have four women and one teen male so far. (Be consistent, digits or words)

"Now, we don't have to like each {other", he} continued
-"Now, we don't have to like each other," he continued

"Fine Hayes." Was all she could muster.
-"Fine Hayes," was all she could muster.

"Just give us 5 minutes and then bring him {in" was Terry's} answer.
-"Just give us five minutes and then bring him in," Terry answered.

kill in the backseat of a {car." She} said matter-of-factly.
-kill in the backseat of a car," she said matter-of-factly.

and he will expect {respect" Terry} finished.
-and he will expect respect," Terry finished.

but he kept it just in {case." Leven} responded.
- but he kept it just in case," Leven responded.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024

Thank you very much for your help! I have made all of these changes.

Eileen

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

This is so very well written and was a real pleasure to read your sentence and structure. Your paragraph and your punctuation are all very good and it allows the reader to enjoy it as it is being listened to as well. Patricia.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024

Thank you!