Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Music"a place to gather my poetic forms
45 total reviews
Comment from DonandVicki
You say that the meter was off, but you could have fooled me. I thought it is well composed and read smoothly. A lovely composition and a joy to read.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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You say that the meter was off, but you could have fooled me. I thought it is well composed and read smoothly. A lovely composition and a joy to read.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from winnona
A very well written poem. The words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Your artwork completed the piece well.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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A very well written poem. The words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Your artwork completed the piece well.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed this poem. I appreciate your review.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from William Ross
Excellent, nicely done on the quatern, good rhyme nice repeating line my musics takes me anywhere. great job, thanks for the share and have a great day
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Excellent, nicely done on the quatern, good rhyme nice repeating line my musics takes me anywhere. great job, thanks for the share and have a great day
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you Bill. I always appreciate it when you take the time to read and review my work. Have a great day!
love and light,
jeni
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a beautifully constructed Quatern and I am so glad you chose this style as many folks here think it is still a Kryielle when you move the refrain down a line in each stanza. The message is really delightful as we forget there is music in well written poetry. There really was only one line that threw me off beat some:
"laughs with me at bad nightmares" - perhaps something like 'laughs with me at somber nightmares' as it adds the missing syllable to smooth out the meter and highlights the "S" sounds. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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This is a beautifully constructed Quatern and I am so glad you chose this style as many folks here think it is still a Kryielle when you move the refrain down a line in each stanza. The message is really delightful as we forget there is music in well written poetry. There really was only one line that threw me off beat some:
"laughs with me at bad nightmares" - perhaps something like 'laughs with me at somber nightmares' as it adds the missing syllable to smooth out the meter and highlights the "S" sounds. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Angel! I thought I had proofed all my syllable counts, but I'm happy that you caught this one. Will revise as soon as I get a chance! Great suggestion.
love and light,
jeni
Comment from estory
I think this was pretty well done. you have a nice subdued, sublime voice in it, and the repetitions worked pretty well broken into different places in the stanzas. I liked that image of the waterfall laughing at bad nightmares. music as a cure all for depression. the rhyme scheme forces you at times to contrive the language, like in "Most beautiful songfests we share". I think you could do away with the rhyme scheme, or go more with off rhyme, like you did with "languish and stylish" to make it sound more natural. Read some Yeats, who was a master at sounding natural and musical at the same time, and fitting into sonnets. Read "No Second Troy" or "Upon a House Shaken by the Land Agitation" or "The Fascination with what's Difficult" estory
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I think this was pretty well done. you have a nice subdued, sublime voice in it, and the repetitions worked pretty well broken into different places in the stanzas. I liked that image of the waterfall laughing at bad nightmares. music as a cure all for depression. the rhyme scheme forces you at times to contrive the language, like in "Most beautiful songfests we share". I think you could do away with the rhyme scheme, or go more with off rhyme, like you did with "languish and stylish" to make it sound more natural. Read some Yeats, who was a master at sounding natural and musical at the same time, and fitting into sonnets. Read "No Second Troy" or "Upon a House Shaken by the Land Agitation" or "The Fascination with what's Difficult" estory
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you estory. I always appreciate it when you take the time to read and review my work. Have a great day!
love and light,
jeni
Comment from Pantygynt
The way in which the refrain line cascades down through the quatern is so reminiscent of a real life waterfall continually falling down the long drop. this is very well done indeed and and ideal match of of form to content..
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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The way in which the refrain line cascades down through the quatern is so reminiscent of a real life waterfall continually falling down the long drop. this is very well done indeed and and ideal match of of form to content..
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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I love your description of the refrain being like a waterfall. I appreciate your kind words, and enjoyed reading this review.
Thanks so much!
jeni
Comment from Dr. Nad
This is a well-written piece that is crafted in the style, but, I'm not used to and frankly, I do recall seeing before. The challenges of doing this are somewhat obvious, you have done a great job with it. Thanks for sharing your passion for music. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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This is a well-written piece that is crafted in the style, but, I'm not used to and frankly, I do recall seeing before. The challenges of doing this are somewhat obvious, you have done a great job with it. Thanks for sharing your passion for music. May God bless you!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Thanks for reading and reviewing my poem, I enjoyed reading your review!
luna
You are welcome.
Embrace the love from above.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Your words were music to my ears, an uplifting lighthearted poem full of cheerful song, great rhymes and great message, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Your words were music to my ears, an uplifting lighthearted poem full of cheerful song, great rhymes and great message, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
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Dolly, I'm glad that you found this an uplifting lighthearted poem. I was listening to music as I wrote it, and the words just came!
jeni
Comment from Susan Chetcuti
A great poem about music. Your rhyme and flow were spot on. So many can relate to this great piece. My favourite line was, laughs with me at bad nightmares. Keep up your wonderful work.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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A great poem about music. Your rhyme and flow were spot on. So many can relate to this great piece. My favourite line was, laughs with me at bad nightmares. Keep up your wonderful work.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Susan. I am certainly happy that you enjoyed!
love and light,
jeni
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
It is very well-written Quatern. According to my notes, it doesn't have to be in iambic meter or follow a specific rhyme. You choose a great rhyme scheme that works well with the theme. A pleasurable read, that's all that matters to me.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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It is very well-written Quatern. According to my notes, it doesn't have to be in iambic meter or follow a specific rhyme. You choose a great rhyme scheme that works well with the theme. A pleasurable read, that's all that matters to me.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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Thank you Sandra. I always appreciate it when you take the time to read and review my work. Have a great day!
love and light,
jeni
