Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Raptor's Child"A collection of sonnets
37 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
HI, Mikey
Thanks so much for participating in the Blank Verse Contest. You've submitted a most beautiful and well written blank verse sonnet. Sonnets are one of my favorite poetic forms, and the blank verse sonnet is, well, what I love to write.
First, your poem is fully contest compliant. Thank you for working hard to correct the several end-line and internal-rhyme concerns I expressed to you in the private review. Also, I think the corrected punctuation in lines 5 & 6 make the read smoother and more sensible.
Your iambic meter is flawless and a delight to read aloud. The cadence is smooth with no forced meter anywhere. Your effective use of enjambment enhances the flow of the perfect iambic rhythm while at the same time mitigates the absence of the rhyme.
There are no rhyming issues, either end-line or internal-line. This allows the reader to focus better on the message of your poem and frees you as the writer to focus more on your message than forcing lines to comply with a rhyme pattern.
You poetic techniques are superb. As previously mentioned, the enjambment is spot-on. You've chosen strong, descriptive and effective words and phrases. Some of the ones I liked best include: 'with craning neck,' 'an eagle ruling all that lies beneath,' 'I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind,' 'touching rain before it even falls,' 'the moon, the stars and marvels yet to find,' and 'in dreams, I sail beyond.' These phrases just lift the reader and allows him/her to soar with you and the eagle.
Finally, with regard to techniques, your use of alliteration is subtle, therefore not overpowering. i.e., 'thoughts turn'
Your sonnet is in fine form. The turn in stanza 3 is subtle, yet most effective. The closing couplet is just beautiful. I love the last line.
I wish I had a six left in my star-box to award to this beautiful sonnet. But I don't, and you know how Tom's Stingy Star Fairy is! In lieu of golden stars, please accept these virtual sixes: * * * * * *
Well done, my friend, and best of luck to you in the contest.
-Ray
mountainwriter49, contest sponsor/monitor
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HI, Mikey
Thanks so much for participating in the Blank Verse Contest. You've submitted a most beautiful and well written blank verse sonnet. Sonnets are one of my favorite poetic forms, and the blank verse sonnet is, well, what I love to write.
First, your poem is fully contest compliant. Thank you for working hard to correct the several end-line and internal-rhyme concerns I expressed to you in the private review. Also, I think the corrected punctuation in lines 5 & 6 make the read smoother and more sensible.
Your iambic meter is flawless and a delight to read aloud. The cadence is smooth with no forced meter anywhere. Your effective use of enjambment enhances the flow of the perfect iambic rhythm while at the same time mitigates the absence of the rhyme.
There are no rhyming issues, either end-line or internal-line. This allows the reader to focus better on the message of your poem and frees you as the writer to focus more on your message than forcing lines to comply with a rhyme pattern.
You poetic techniques are superb. As previously mentioned, the enjambment is spot-on. You've chosen strong, descriptive and effective words and phrases. Some of the ones I liked best include: 'with craning neck,' 'an eagle ruling all that lies beneath,' 'I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind,' 'touching rain before it even falls,' 'the moon, the stars and marvels yet to find,' and 'in dreams, I sail beyond.' These phrases just lift the reader and allows him/her to soar with you and the eagle.
Finally, with regard to techniques, your use of alliteration is subtle, therefore not overpowering. i.e., 'thoughts turn'
Your sonnet is in fine form. The turn in stanza 3 is subtle, yet most effective. The closing couplet is just beautiful. I love the last line.
I wish I had a six left in my star-box to award to this beautiful sonnet. But I don't, and you know how Tom's Stingy Star Fairy is! In lieu of golden stars, please accept these virtual sixes: * * * * * *
Well done, my friend, and best of luck to you in the contest.
-Ray
mountainwriter49, contest sponsor/monitor
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from Tootsie55
Lovely verse my friend. Always enjoy reading your stuff. No more stories from you for some time?Need your prayers. Big problems with my main outer! Loved the picture.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Lovely verse my friend. Always enjoy reading your stuff. No more stories from you for some time?Need your prayers. Big problems with my main outer! Loved the picture.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Hi. Glad you liked this. Not around too much. A lot of real world stuff occupying my time. Prayers on the way as of now. Hang in there. Thinking about both of you and hoping for a windfall one of these days. Lots of catching up to do. You guys are whirlwinds on the road. WHEW! I'm tired by noon on most of your trips. :))
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Thanks mate,pray for my back, too. Going for xray today. Ta ttyl my 64th tomorrow 27th here.
Comment from acerisestory
Your blank verse poem is lovely, Michael, written in tribute the regal and beautiful bird, the eagle.
I love the amazing imagery you've used throughout, especially in this stanza:
"I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind,
imagining escape with feathered will.
I think of floating through a cloud serene,
and touching rain before it even falls"
Well done and a great entry for the contest! Best of luck! Alana
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Your blank verse poem is lovely, Michael, written in tribute the regal and beautiful bird, the eagle.
I love the amazing imagery you've used throughout, especially in this stanza:
"I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind,
imagining escape with feathered will.
I think of floating through a cloud serene,
and touching rain before it even falls"
Well done and a great entry for the contest! Best of luck! Alana
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. The eagle is king of the sky. He wants nothing more. We view the eagle and envy his command of the sky. We also want more. We want the stars and the moon beyond the skies. Great work.
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I love the picture. The eagle is king of the sky. He wants nothing more. We view the eagle and envy his command of the sky. We also want more. We want the stars and the moon beyond the skies. Great work.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from pattipac
Even though eagles doesn't rhyme with dreams, you've still penned a beautiful, throught provoting poem that meets the blank verse requirements. You have written a wonderful poem about how seeing an eagle causes your mind to take flight to soar beyond where eagles rule.
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Even though eagles doesn't rhyme with dreams, you've still penned a beautiful, throught provoting poem that meets the blank verse requirements. You have written a wonderful poem about how seeing an eagle causes your mind to take flight to soar beyond where eagles rule.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I'm going to go out on a limb and say you aced this Mikey. However I know nothing about blank verse except it shouldn't rhyme. That's why I won't touch it, I'm afraid it will mess up my natural urge to rhyme. LOL I like the imagery you supply here with your words and wish you luck in the contest. {<) Nancy
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say you aced this Mikey. However I know nothing about blank verse except it shouldn't rhyme. That's why I won't touch it, I'm afraid it will mess up my natural urge to rhyme. LOL I like the imagery you supply here with your words and wish you luck in the contest. {<) Nancy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from Njorgensen
Strong entry into this contest. You're right about this being a difficult form to learn. I've not entered this contest. I want to practice some more with it.
The poem moved along nicely and captured your intended meaning, in spite of "eagle" not rhyming with "dreams".
Nancy
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Strong entry into this contest. You're right about this being a difficult form to learn. I've not entered this contest. I want to practice some more with it.
The poem moved along nicely and captured your intended meaning, in spite of "eagle" not rhyming with "dreams".
Nancy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from Sasha
You are a lot braver than I am my friend, I love poetry but trying to write it scares the heck out of me. I've tried and failed miserably too many times to even consider writing it let alone enter a contest. Very nice work with this one and I wish you all the best.
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You are a lot braver than I am my friend, I love poetry but trying to write it scares the heck out of me. I've tried and failed miserably too many times to even consider writing it let alone enter a contest. Very nice work with this one and I wish you all the best.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from jshep
Hi, Mike.
This is a beautiful poem, very calming yet shows the mystery with the question of what is beyond. I like the fact that in your dreams you can even soar beyond what an eagle can do.
I feel kind of dumb but what is raptor child? Also there is a rhyme with unseen/serene. The forth line in the first stanza tripped me up a bit and had to reread a couple of times to get the dadum rhythm. I was reading it as - like FIELD mice i'm conSIDered FROM aBOVE. Just might be me. LOL
"I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind'- that is a line that makes this reader actually feel the wind. Also love the idea of touching the rain before it even falls. Great Line.
A beautiful presention and entry for the contest. Best of luck. Joycex
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Hi, Mike.
This is a beautiful poem, very calming yet shows the mystery with the question of what is beyond. I like the fact that in your dreams you can even soar beyond what an eagle can do.
I feel kind of dumb but what is raptor child? Also there is a rhyme with unseen/serene. The forth line in the first stanza tripped me up a bit and had to reread a couple of times to get the dadum rhythm. I was reading it as - like FIELD mice i'm conSIDered FROM aBOVE. Just might be me. LOL
"I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind'- that is a line that makes this reader actually feel the wind. Also love the idea of touching the rain before it even falls. Great Line.
A beautiful presention and entry for the contest. Best of luck. Joycex
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from tfawcus
Good one, Mikey! The iambic rhythm is perfect and I don't see anything that contravenes the Draconian non-rhyming requirements! Although 'eagle' and 'dreams' share the same vowel sound, I think that this is acceptable in different lines. Nice change of perspective, at first looking up and then, in reverie, looking down on the world as the eagle itself. The final lines bring flights of poetic fancy back to ground with a bit of reality. The eagle, like ourselves, is motivated by the tyranny of an empty stomach.
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Good one, Mikey! The iambic rhythm is perfect and I don't see anything that contravenes the Draconian non-rhyming requirements! Although 'eagle' and 'dreams' share the same vowel sound, I think that this is acceptable in different lines. Nice change of perspective, at first looking up and then, in reverie, looking down on the world as the eagle itself. The final lines bring flights of poetic fancy back to ground with a bit of reality. The eagle, like ourselves, is motivated by the tyranny of an empty stomach.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
