My Erroneous Journey
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "My Erroneous Journey ~~ Part 1"how i came to join Fanstory
32 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Man, you are lucky you are still alive. That would have been one hell of a blast not to mention the damage to your lungs from inhaling all that crap. I was with you in the chlorine clouds- very vivid telling. Looking forward to further instalments. Just one minor glitch - go back and fix your first sentence.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2013
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Man, you are lucky you are still alive. That would have been one hell of a blast not to mention the damage to your lungs from inhaling all that crap. I was with you in the chlorine clouds- very vivid telling. Looking forward to further instalments. Just one minor glitch - go back and fix your first sentence.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2013
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Hey Raven B,
thanks for your review, my friend... Still paying for the mishap. How long does this crap stay in your system? Apparently a long time!
What do see wrong with the first sentence? What am I missing?
Kindest thoughts,
James
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Sorry. The first sentence is fine. I just was not reading it right.
Comment from Selina Stambi
The way that change rules our life is truly an amazing phenomenon. It can fulfill our dreams or can rip them from our grasp in a single breath. ... these are very compelling introductory lines. They draw your reader in.
Hello Jumbo,
Long time no see! This was a most riveting first chapter. That was an amazing thing you did - foolish perhaps, but ... :)
Hope you are well, my friend. You are still on my daily prayer list. I promised several months ago .. remember?
Hope the rest of your week is wonderful.
Sonali
Spags:
the whole filter room (no hyphen required) was
without small gags in between(no hyphen required).
A fifteen minute job (ditto)
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2013
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The way that change rules our life is truly an amazing phenomenon. It can fulfill our dreams or can rip them from our grasp in a single breath. ... these are very compelling introductory lines. They draw your reader in.
Hello Jumbo,
Long time no see! This was a most riveting first chapter. That was an amazing thing you did - foolish perhaps, but ... :)
Hope you are well, my friend. You are still on my daily prayer list. I promised several months ago .. remember?
Hope the rest of your week is wonderful.
Sonali
Spags:
the whole filter room (no hyphen required) was
without small gags in between(no hyphen required).
A fifteen minute job (ditto)
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2013
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Hi Sonali,
thank you for your encouraging review and for picking up the spags... And how could I forget such a wonderful gesture... I'm sure you helped get me over the hump!
Hope your life is going well... Blessing's to you
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from MM lives on :)
WOW, ha ha ha ...sounds like some dumb ass move I would do buddy, chemical induced high I would imagine after that debacle...never tell the wife anything we do that is F'd that wont hurt them..
keep these gems rolling brother...entertainment and real!
7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777 BAM!
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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WOW, ha ha ha ...sounds like some dumb ass move I would do buddy, chemical induced high I would imagine after that debacle...never tell the wife anything we do that is F'd that wont hurt them..
keep these gems rolling brother...entertainment and real!
7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777 BAM!
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Hi Christopher,
no chemical induced high, just the low that it produced.
Thanks so much for your kindness brother, you're a breath of fresh air... Take care my good friend, hope all is running smoothly on your end... And by your end, I mean where you are(Chicago)not your arse!...LOL
Kindest thoughts,
James
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things looking up last couple weeks, received a promotion and possible partnership at work...cross your fingers it works out bro..
u da man! BIG JAMES THE 6 STAR STORY OF THE MONTH!
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Fingers are crossed brother, and a few other appendages if that helps))))))))))))))))
Comment from jmdg1954
Jumbo, I say this with all the respect in the world. What you did was an act of bravery, stubbornness, stupidity, kindness and devotion.
What are you, crazy, mate?
Man, I've done some boneheaded things in my day and you know what? We all think we're invincible! So far we've proved ourselves right!
I'm looking forward to the stories continuation... John
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Jumbo, I say this with all the respect in the world. What you did was an act of bravery, stubbornness, stupidity, kindness and devotion.
What are you, crazy, mate?
Man, I've done some boneheaded things in my day and you know what? We all think we're invincible! So far we've proved ourselves right!
I'm looking forward to the stories continuation... John
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Hi John,
this was a great surprise my friend... And I think your second line caught it perfectly... I may be!
Thank you for this magic review and rating... A great way to start the day... Well at least one of them!
Thanks mate!
Kindest thoughts,
James
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The other way is better...
Comment from JM daSilva
I had no idea cleaning a pool could be that dangerous. It's good to know. Sorry for what happened to you.
Spag suggestions:
It can fulfill our dreams or (remove can) rip them from our grasp in a single breath. Over the years I have learned to embrace whatever change life may throw at me. I had no choice (remove really,) (.) (remove it was) either I accepted graciously(remove ,) or dwell(dwelt) in the depths of despair and self-pity. The latter(remove ,) is indeed a dark and lonely place to The learning of trying to keep it together, while you watch your manhood slowly seep from your grasp(,) can be (remove rather) a depressing realization.
Yes(,) that's right,(.) I look after a few houses, mow lawns and clean swimming pools while the retired owners go traveling for half of the year. It's cushy, (remove it's) out in the sun(,)but hey, like(as) I said,(:) bend or break, they're the choices.
Just over a year ago, June 2012(,) I had an unfortunate accident that facilitated one of those changes. My wife had been suffering debilitating depression and anxiety(,) and I was fitting No, wrong,(.) in my haste to refill the twenty-litre chemical drums for the automatic feeding without first un-doing (undoing)four bolts to remove it. I held my breath for as long as I
swelling (no hyphen) time-bomb out before it exploded.
There was a small bathroom (no hyphen) next-door to the filter-room, I turned the shower on nostrils(,) trying to rinse away any chemical residue I had ingested.
I choked, (remove I) splattered, but (remove I) continued to rinse every orifice the fumes could have entered,(:) my eyes, nose, ears and mouth.
A fifteen(-) minute job had become an hour long battle(,) and I still had to go back in to the filter-room to hook up a new container of chlorine. Why? Because that's me, a sense of 'over and above' the duty type of person, either that or just plain stupid. Yeah, in reflection, even I thought the latter!
I walked back towards home with one hell of a headache. My eyes, throat and nose were burning(,)and I had a real sense of a shortness of breath with every raspy inhalation.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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I had no idea cleaning a pool could be that dangerous. It's good to know. Sorry for what happened to you.
Spag suggestions:
It can fulfill our dreams or (remove can) rip them from our grasp in a single breath. Over the years I have learned to embrace whatever change life may throw at me. I had no choice (remove really,) (.) (remove it was) either I accepted graciously(remove ,) or dwell(dwelt) in the depths of despair and self-pity. The latter(remove ,) is indeed a dark and lonely place to The learning of trying to keep it together, while you watch your manhood slowly seep from your grasp(,) can be (remove rather) a depressing realization.
Yes(,) that's right,(.) I look after a few houses, mow lawns and clean swimming pools while the retired owners go traveling for half of the year. It's cushy, (remove it's) out in the sun(,)but hey, like(as) I said,(:) bend or break, they're the choices.
Just over a year ago, June 2012(,) I had an unfortunate accident that facilitated one of those changes. My wife had been suffering debilitating depression and anxiety(,) and I was fitting No, wrong,(.) in my haste to refill the twenty-litre chemical drums for the automatic feeding without first un-doing (undoing)four bolts to remove it. I held my breath for as long as I
swelling (no hyphen) time-bomb out before it exploded.
There was a small bathroom (no hyphen) next-door to the filter-room, I turned the shower on nostrils(,) trying to rinse away any chemical residue I had ingested.
I choked, (remove I) splattered, but (remove I) continued to rinse every orifice the fumes could have entered,(:) my eyes, nose, ears and mouth.
A fifteen(-) minute job had become an hour long battle(,) and I still had to go back in to the filter-room to hook up a new container of chlorine. Why? Because that's me, a sense of 'over and above' the duty type of person, either that or just plain stupid. Yeah, in reflection, even I thought the latter!
I walked back towards home with one hell of a headache. My eyes, throat and nose were burning(,)and I had a real sense of a shortness of breath with every raspy inhalation.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Hi JM,
as always my good friend I thank you for your editing skills.
I really thought I had it down this time... Oh well, back to the drawing board... Hey, but then I thought, it's only half-a-page this time, I am doing better!
Thanks for the great review, always appreciated!
Kindest thoughts,
James
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Everybody needs editing. Have you ever read Stephen king's quote?
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No, but I'm sure he's made a few, but I guess your speaking on editing hey!
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â??To write is human, to edit is divine.â??
â?? Stephen King, On Writing
Comment from adewpearl
Pain and injury has been a staple - have been
depression and anxiety, and - add comma
down to one of houses I looked after - one of the houses
vivid detail in describing the accident and your efforts to rectify the situation - the whole thing sounds terrifying to me.
You have a good narrative style, one that kept me engaged from start to finish. I am eager to read more. Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Pain and injury has been a staple - have been
depression and anxiety, and - add comma
down to one of houses I looked after - one of the houses
vivid detail in describing the accident and your efforts to rectify the situation - the whole thing sounds terrifying to me.
You have a good narrative style, one that kept me engaged from start to finish. I am eager to read more. Brooke
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Hi Brooke,
thanks for your review and rating.
The spag help is most appreciated.
Have a great day/night... Put your feet up, you deserve it.
Kindest thoughts,
James
Comment from josieg521
You certainly express your feelings very well and you gave a very good description of the trouble you were in. Your description of the fumes in the room and how you felt were very explicit and well done. Looking forward to reading the rest of the story.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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You certainly express your feelings very well and you gave a very good description of the trouble you were in. Your description of the fumes in the room and how you felt were very explicit and well done. Looking forward to reading the rest of the story.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hi Josie G,
thank you for your wonderful review and comments, most appreciated.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from Nikitapoetry
Late one afternoon, I had a window of opportunity to hurry down to one of houses I looked after, and attend to the swimming pool. I had worked on this swimming pool for four years or more, so you'd think I would know the workings of it, right? ... No, wrong, in my haste to refill the twenty-litre chemical drums for the automatic feeding system, I poured the hydrochloric acid in the chlorine drum by mistake.
just perfect verse :)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Late one afternoon, I had a window of opportunity to hurry down to one of houses I looked after, and attend to the swimming pool. I had worked on this swimming pool for four years or more, so you'd think I would know the workings of it, right? ... No, wrong, in my haste to refill the twenty-litre chemical drums for the automatic feeding system, I poured the hydrochloric acid in the chlorine drum by mistake.
just perfect verse :)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hi Nikita,
thank you so much for your kind comments and your wonderful review... Most appreciated.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from MelReyn
First off, I'm so sorry this happened. :(
This was a great write! Awesome! It was full of action. I was there with you and could clearly see what was happening. I held my breath with you. And I yelled at the screen, "don't do that!"
I have not a single complaint. No, not one. You've done an awesome job with this and I'm left wanting more.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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First off, I'm so sorry this happened. :(
This was a great write! Awesome! It was full of action. I was there with you and could clearly see what was happening. I held my breath with you. And I yelled at the screen, "don't do that!"
I have not a single complaint. No, not one. You've done an awesome job with this and I'm left wanting more.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hi Mel,
you are one of the two people that know this story already, so for you to give me this awesome review has made me feel chuffed.
And I do wish you would have been there to tell..."Don't do that"... But then again if you had of, I probably wouldn't be here on Fanstory.
You know how much I hold your comments and advice in high esteem... What no advice? I must be improving!
A big thanks to you for you being there and getting me through this... Your friendship really means a lot.
Truly appreciate the stars my friend... That says volumes!
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from NicciFaye
Such a powerful story for the beginning of something already great, which is you! As I read this, what came to my mind off the top was.......my husband...lol (I say this with an internal laugh of triumph). Never the perfect man in no shape form or fashion, but just the perfect man for me. I can wish and pray for a lot of things for him, but he is his own man, and God has his hands full with him, literally! lol
When I read, "The learning of trying to keep it together, while you watch your manhood slowly seep from your grasp can be rather a depressing realization."...I immediately thought of all the "Erroneous" mistakes, choices, and decisions that my husband has made during his youth and young adult life, which has lead to a lot of his current pains today. You've expressed this in a state of which I understand from a man's persecptive perfectly.
He, as well as you, has been left to do yard work, scraping metal, etc, etc though he is a man of GREAT talents, a jack of all trades.
James - you are a MIGHTY warrior! For no matter how much life seems to throw at you, despite decisions you make, you won't quit and you will go out NOT quitting. You inspire people, you inspire me. Reading this gripped me as I could only image the struggle of this incident. And I am confident that your wife wouldn't appreciate and enjoy life as much had you not been in it...for good or bad.
As far as if you've told your wife, well; I guess I am going to find out.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Such a powerful story for the beginning of something already great, which is you! As I read this, what came to my mind off the top was.......my husband...lol (I say this with an internal laugh of triumph). Never the perfect man in no shape form or fashion, but just the perfect man for me. I can wish and pray for a lot of things for him, but he is his own man, and God has his hands full with him, literally! lol
When I read, "The learning of trying to keep it together, while you watch your manhood slowly seep from your grasp can be rather a depressing realization."...I immediately thought of all the "Erroneous" mistakes, choices, and decisions that my husband has made during his youth and young adult life, which has lead to a lot of his current pains today. You've expressed this in a state of which I understand from a man's persecptive perfectly.
He, as well as you, has been left to do yard work, scraping metal, etc, etc though he is a man of GREAT talents, a jack of all trades.
James - you are a MIGHTY warrior! For no matter how much life seems to throw at you, despite decisions you make, you won't quit and you will go out NOT quitting. You inspire people, you inspire me. Reading this gripped me as I could only image the struggle of this incident. And I am confident that your wife wouldn't appreciate and enjoy life as much had you not been in it...for good or bad.
As far as if you've told your wife, well; I guess I am going to find out.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hi Nicci,
I'm sitting here reading this amazing review for me and all I can think of is, "jeez this woman can write" I was into your husband story like it was mine.
You articulate your thoughts with clarity, something I am studying hard to do.
And I do thank you with all of my heart for saying that about Jade, often I think, maybe she would have been better off if she had never of hooked up with someone like me... But she is responsible for 3/4 of my personal growth and I know I would not be a happier or better person without her.
You have made my day... Thank you for that!
I guess you know how much I appreciate this review and the stars... But if you don't?... Yeah you know!
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
