Broken Man
Sadness, shame, anger, stress, and regret are my companions.31 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. It's something I've had to learn through out my lifetime which had it's darkest tragedies too. You did your best and gave everything you could. It's sad but they have minds (regardless of how twisted) and you can't change it unless they want to hear the truth. I pray (as I do for my own family) that someday before it's too late, they will realize how good you were to them.
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. It's something I've had to learn through out my lifetime which had it's darkest tragedies too. You did your best and gave everything you could. It's sad but they have minds (regardless of how twisted) and you can't change it unless they want to hear the truth. I pray (as I do for my own family) that someday before it's too late, they will realize how good you were to them.
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Carol. It has been heartbreaking.
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I, too, am in a similar situation so I understand your pain. Keep your chin up!
Comment from Wendy G
"Sadness, shame, anger, stress, and regret are my companions". Don't let them be. Hold your head up, for you alone have not lost your integrity. You have done everything humanly possible for your ex-wife and daughters, and you have received nothing but abuse, lying, cheating and manipulation in return.
Seldom have I read such a heart-breaking and moving story. All I can suggest is to hand it all over to your heavenly Father who sees everything, knows the truth, and cares deeply for you. Look up the hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" for the words are filled with comfort and reassurance. You might never see justice this side of eternity, but all will be set right later.
I'll be praying for you - for wisdom, for comfort, and for knowing His peace despite everything in this horrible situation. I will pray for the "peace which passes understanding" for you.
Wendy
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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"Sadness, shame, anger, stress, and regret are my companions". Don't let them be. Hold your head up, for you alone have not lost your integrity. You have done everything humanly possible for your ex-wife and daughters, and you have received nothing but abuse, lying, cheating and manipulation in return.
Seldom have I read such a heart-breaking and moving story. All I can suggest is to hand it all over to your heavenly Father who sees everything, knows the truth, and cares deeply for you. Look up the hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" for the words are filled with comfort and reassurance. You might never see justice this side of eternity, but all will be set right later.
I'll be praying for you - for wisdom, for comfort, and for knowing His peace despite everything in this horrible situation. I will pray for the "peace which passes understanding" for you.
Wendy
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Wendy. You are a compassionate soul. I thank you for the prayers and your kindness. Fanstorians have been such a blessing.
D
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Douglas,
Well, the thing is, it seems you are the victim here, whether you want to admit it or not. Sometimes doing the right thing kicks you between the teeth.
The only thing that will make a difference here is probably time, as hard as that is.
could easily slip Into a one-sided bashing - remove capital 'I' for into.
So, my ex was not totally to blame for stepping out. - I think you're letting her off the hook here very easily.
Being shot at and having knives pulled on me lent itself to my desire for peace, quiet, and relaxation at home. - I can relate to this. I'm not law enforcement but work with troubled kids and assaults can be a daily occurrence. I want to get home and stay there!
support until Celeste graduated high school., even - remove the double punctuation here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Hi Douglas,
Well, the thing is, it seems you are the victim here, whether you want to admit it or not. Sometimes doing the right thing kicks you between the teeth.
The only thing that will make a difference here is probably time, as hard as that is.
could easily slip Into a one-sided bashing - remove capital 'I' for into.
So, my ex was not totally to blame for stepping out. - I think you're letting her off the hook here very easily.
Being shot at and having knives pulled on me lent itself to my desire for peace, quiet, and relaxation at home. - I can relate to this. I'm not law enforcement but work with troubled kids and assaults can be a daily occurrence. I want to get home and stay there!
support until Celeste graduated high school., even - remove the double punctuation here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 10-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thanks, G. I appreciate the kind perspective. Many are saying step back and give this time. I think that will be the path.
Appreciate you!
D
Comment from LateBloomer
Doug, your story is heard all too often. You have every right to feel as you do. You have been used and betrayed, and your daughters have been brainwashed. Of note:
--. I gained three daughters, Alexis, Cierra, and Celeste from the failed relationship.
(Children are the best part of any relationship. Children come back.)
--So, my ex was not totally to blame for stepping out.
-- I was boring.
(When a married woman is bored because her hubby is working endless hours, etc., that's when it's time to call up a girlfriend and go out for dinner and lunch together. You don't trolling for a new man.)
--my desire for peace, quiet, and relaxation at home.
(peace, quite, and even boring is beautiful because the opposite of that is chaos--something that none of us need, and something that you experience daily on your job. With raising three daughters, I don't know why or how your Ex was not tired at the end of the day, unless she was not a hands-on mother, takeout food was the norm, and someone else was cleaning the house and doing the laundry. Being a mother is a full-time job, and it is extra-hard "if" one is a working mother?)
--On the other hand, I have worked three to four jobs at a time to make ends meet.
(Hmm ... if you give up sleeping, you can get a fifth job, and then you will definitely end up in an early grave. Doug, you need to take care of you and your health first and foremost. If you are not fit, you will not be able to go on physically or emotionally. Take care of YOU first.)
-- I refused to request a warrant for her arrest as I did not want to put the girls' mother in jail.
(I was a child of the 1960's, and my mother never received one cent of support from my father. She, too, would not have him arrested because she didn't want the children to make fun of us for having a father who is a "jail bird." In those days, being arrested was a disgrace. In today's world, it a badge of honor. So, I understand your thinking. Maybe, one day, your daughters will be as grateful as I am that the arrest did not happen. By the way, my mother worked two full time job. She worked 6.5 days a week--just sharing.)
--I'm not bragging, I just need you to understand that I was bending over backwards for the girls.
(You were/are a good father. Don't let your Ex manipulate your thoughts and create self-doubt. Don't let her win. Hold your head high, although you are in pain.)
--I was always waiting for the hammer to fall.
(And you can always be sure that it will fall. This is the Court system. I'm wondering if your Ex has self-esteem and/or mental health issues?)
--Testify to what!?
(I'm with you and the mob quote. Your Ex is trying to get the girls into "mob" mentality ... not the mob/gangster ... but the way that an out-of-control mob will act. Suddenly, everyone is out of control and ganging up and attacking One person.)
--I had paid and was paying for college for both of these girls
(If you and your Ex were not divorced, no one could force you to pay for your daughters' college expenses. However, once the courts get involved, they control your life for years. To your Ex, you are an ATM machine. She gets pleasure from hurting you, and she feels that picking your pocket is the deepest hurt, but what she has failed to see/learn/know is that being restricted from your daughters is the greatest pain of all. Someone that I know that is currently going through what you are going through, said ... "I feel as if I am going through the death of a child." In your case, it is times three.)
--This money represented years of stress.
(The money represents the blood, sweat, and tears of your youth, a youth now spent.)
--It was a rash angry mistake.
(But understandable. You are under tremendous stress.)
-- I have learned that NOBODY can hurt you like your kids can.
(Truer words were never said.)
-- All the while, I was being verbally destroyed by my ex,
(The above is called parent alienation. It's real. Look it up if you don't know about it. Also, there is a form of therapy which is called "reunification," but with your daughters being over 18 years old, I don't think that will work because you would need their cooperation.)
-- What role was I playing here? The clown. The fool. The jackass.
(I have a friend who told me that he felt like the guy in the circus who walks behind the elephant cleaning up its poop. I don't mean to sound cruel. I'm just trying to let you know that I understand how you feel and others have felt exactly as you do.)
--My greatest fear is that I have lost my two oldest daughters for good.
(You may have lost them for now, but from my experience, kids come back, especially when they have real troubles or need something ... or when they are on the outs with their mother. When your Ex is no longer able to manipulate and torture you, she will still need someone to do that to. Chances are, that's when she and your daughters will become estranged.)
--Several months passed before I reached out and requested to sit down to discuss the matter with them.
(I know that the months feel like an eternity, but sometimes, space is needed as hard as it might be to give it to them. When it's their birthday, etc., send them a card, write them a note, but don't send them a gift. Let them know that you will always be there for them .... just a suggestion from the peanut gallery.)
-- I made the three oldest attend church when they hated it. They had chores.
(The above is called being a good and responsible dad/father and teaching your children responsibility ... responsibility to their faith and responsibility to their family home. I'm guess that you Ex behaves more like their girlfriend than their mother--that usually backfires.)
Doug, I could go on for days and weeks talking about this topic. What I will suggest is take care of yourself First and foremost. You need your strength to carry on. Perhaps, you could find a support group of people who are going through the same things as you. I know that it hurts to pay for everything and be ignored. The system needs to change, and no one should be everything they need, and not be grateful and thankful for what has been given to them. Your Ex is teaching your daughters how to be mean girls and not teaching them how to resolve a problem and have forgiveness in their heart for "whatever" they feel that you did ... whether imagined or real.
Today you wrote something brave. Be well. Take care of yourself, first.
Margaret ~ LateBloomer
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Doug, your story is heard all too often. You have every right to feel as you do. You have been used and betrayed, and your daughters have been brainwashed. Of note:
--. I gained three daughters, Alexis, Cierra, and Celeste from the failed relationship.
(Children are the best part of any relationship. Children come back.)
--So, my ex was not totally to blame for stepping out.
-- I was boring.
(When a married woman is bored because her hubby is working endless hours, etc., that's when it's time to call up a girlfriend and go out for dinner and lunch together. You don't trolling for a new man.)
--my desire for peace, quiet, and relaxation at home.
(peace, quite, and even boring is beautiful because the opposite of that is chaos--something that none of us need, and something that you experience daily on your job. With raising three daughters, I don't know why or how your Ex was not tired at the end of the day, unless she was not a hands-on mother, takeout food was the norm, and someone else was cleaning the house and doing the laundry. Being a mother is a full-time job, and it is extra-hard "if" one is a working mother?)
--On the other hand, I have worked three to four jobs at a time to make ends meet.
(Hmm ... if you give up sleeping, you can get a fifth job, and then you will definitely end up in an early grave. Doug, you need to take care of you and your health first and foremost. If you are not fit, you will not be able to go on physically or emotionally. Take care of YOU first.)
-- I refused to request a warrant for her arrest as I did not want to put the girls' mother in jail.
(I was a child of the 1960's, and my mother never received one cent of support from my father. She, too, would not have him arrested because she didn't want the children to make fun of us for having a father who is a "jail bird." In those days, being arrested was a disgrace. In today's world, it a badge of honor. So, I understand your thinking. Maybe, one day, your daughters will be as grateful as I am that the arrest did not happen. By the way, my mother worked two full time job. She worked 6.5 days a week--just sharing.)
--I'm not bragging, I just need you to understand that I was bending over backwards for the girls.
(You were/are a good father. Don't let your Ex manipulate your thoughts and create self-doubt. Don't let her win. Hold your head high, although you are in pain.)
--I was always waiting for the hammer to fall.
(And you can always be sure that it will fall. This is the Court system. I'm wondering if your Ex has self-esteem and/or mental health issues?)
--Testify to what!?
(I'm with you and the mob quote. Your Ex is trying to get the girls into "mob" mentality ... not the mob/gangster ... but the way that an out-of-control mob will act. Suddenly, everyone is out of control and ganging up and attacking One person.)
--I had paid and was paying for college for both of these girls
(If you and your Ex were not divorced, no one could force you to pay for your daughters' college expenses. However, once the courts get involved, they control your life for years. To your Ex, you are an ATM machine. She gets pleasure from hurting you, and she feels that picking your pocket is the deepest hurt, but what she has failed to see/learn/know is that being restricted from your daughters is the greatest pain of all. Someone that I know that is currently going through what you are going through, said ... "I feel as if I am going through the death of a child." In your case, it is times three.)
--This money represented years of stress.
(The money represents the blood, sweat, and tears of your youth, a youth now spent.)
--It was a rash angry mistake.
(But understandable. You are under tremendous stress.)
-- I have learned that NOBODY can hurt you like your kids can.
(Truer words were never said.)
-- All the while, I was being verbally destroyed by my ex,
(The above is called parent alienation. It's real. Look it up if you don't know about it. Also, there is a form of therapy which is called "reunification," but with your daughters being over 18 years old, I don't think that will work because you would need their cooperation.)
-- What role was I playing here? The clown. The fool. The jackass.
(I have a friend who told me that he felt like the guy in the circus who walks behind the elephant cleaning up its poop. I don't mean to sound cruel. I'm just trying to let you know that I understand how you feel and others have felt exactly as you do.)
--My greatest fear is that I have lost my two oldest daughters for good.
(You may have lost them for now, but from my experience, kids come back, especially when they have real troubles or need something ... or when they are on the outs with their mother. When your Ex is no longer able to manipulate and torture you, she will still need someone to do that to. Chances are, that's when she and your daughters will become estranged.)
--Several months passed before I reached out and requested to sit down to discuss the matter with them.
(I know that the months feel like an eternity, but sometimes, space is needed as hard as it might be to give it to them. When it's their birthday, etc., send them a card, write them a note, but don't send them a gift. Let them know that you will always be there for them .... just a suggestion from the peanut gallery.)
-- I made the three oldest attend church when they hated it. They had chores.
(The above is called being a good and responsible dad/father and teaching your children responsibility ... responsibility to their faith and responsibility to their family home. I'm guess that you Ex behaves more like their girlfriend than their mother--that usually backfires.)
Doug, I could go on for days and weeks talking about this topic. What I will suggest is take care of yourself First and foremost. You need your strength to carry on. Perhaps, you could find a support group of people who are going through the same things as you. I know that it hurts to pay for everything and be ignored. The system needs to change, and no one should be everything they need, and not be grateful and thankful for what has been given to them. Your Ex is teaching your daughters how to be mean girls and not teaching them how to resolve a problem and have forgiveness in their heart for "whatever" they feel that you did ... whether imagined or real.
Today you wrote something brave. Be well. Take care of yourself, first.
Margaret ~ LateBloomer
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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I took some time to review this closely, Margaret as you very kindly spent some time writing it.
The main advice I have been getting is to back away and let more time pass.
I also like your advice to take care if me or there will be no me. I am already feeling that. It has been several years of stress.
I find it odd that I have had to spend years fighting for my kids. She has not had to fight one day for them. Why?
Anyways, I really appreciate you taking the time to review this so heartwarming. You actually helped me out a lot to come to a resolution to power down and let it play out.
Thank you so much.
Douglas
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Firstly I want to quote this because you've done the right thing by telling your story:
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you" (Maya Angelou).
Then I think you've probably got to give this time and resist anger (no matter how hard). You seem to be a fixer, someone who in your past work and personal life (and FS of course) appears to want to conclude things, see them closed and move on to the next (we all do a bit I know). But with personal relationships, like children, they're on-going forever. And there's always going to be conflict of one sort or another, especially when there's divorce involved and more actors in the frame. Situations evolve and I think you've got to wait it out because the more you push, the more they'll probably retreat - in cha-cha fashion. As for money, they can't get blood out of a stone and you can't go on driving yourself into an early grave, working. I'd secrete some of it away if you can for yourself and have less available for anyone else. Your daughters are adults and can fend for themselves more. They're smart and know how to get what they want the easy way.
Finally, you just need to try and step back a bit and give yourself a break. Daughters can be hard work. They need to grow up!
I don't know if this helps at all but I hope so. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Firstly I want to quote this because you've done the right thing by telling your story:
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you" (Maya Angelou).
Then I think you've probably got to give this time and resist anger (no matter how hard). You seem to be a fixer, someone who in your past work and personal life (and FS of course) appears to want to conclude things, see them closed and move on to the next (we all do a bit I know). But with personal relationships, like children, they're on-going forever. And there's always going to be conflict of one sort or another, especially when there's divorce involved and more actors in the frame. Situations evolve and I think you've got to wait it out because the more you push, the more they'll probably retreat - in cha-cha fashion. As for money, they can't get blood out of a stone and you can't go on driving yourself into an early grave, working. I'd secrete some of it away if you can for yourself and have less available for anyone else. Your daughters are adults and can fend for themselves more. They're smart and know how to get what they want the easy way.
Finally, you just need to try and step back a bit and give yourself a break. Daughters can be hard work. They need to grow up!
I don't know if this helps at all but I hope so. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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This was some solid sound advice. The theme from my FS friends seems to be to give this more time. It is all very sad, but you can not force relationships. Thank you for taking the time to write this out. You are a good friend.
Douglas
Comment from LJbutterfly
I admire your strength and boldness to pour out your heart and soul in such an open and honest way. Even though I don't have advice to offer, I've heard of men faced with similar challenges. Often, women take advantage of the fact that they are exposed to the children more than the father is. He is usually concerned about providing the family's needs, while the mother is available to spew out all of her thoughts, negative or positive. She's available to poison the thinking of the children. Most children side with 'Mommy.'
I don't think you're trying to sound like a victim. You're dealing with a serious situation. Hopefully, a friend, pastor, or FanStorian can offer some suggestions.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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I admire your strength and boldness to pour out your heart and soul in such an open and honest way. Even though I don't have advice to offer, I've heard of men faced with similar challenges. Often, women take advantage of the fact that they are exposed to the children more than the father is. He is usually concerned about providing the family's needs, while the mother is available to spew out all of her thoughts, negative or positive. She's available to poison the thinking of the children. Most children side with 'Mommy.'
I don't think you're trying to sound like a victim. You're dealing with a serious situation. Hopefully, a friend, pastor, or FanStorian can offer some suggestions.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much! It was quite relieving writing about this. Took me a long time to actually post about this, but now that it is out there, it is relieving in some odd way. Does not eliminate the fact that I feel like a fool.
Anyways, appreciate your kind support.
Douglas.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, it is somewhat amazing to me that a man who has talent at writing the way you do has had a few really bad experiences that really suck.
And yet your writing can be really interesting, clever, creative, and sometimes dang right funny. It's a little hard to imagine that you have to carry some real crappy baggage, but you do, and you have survived.
As I read your story, it is clear that life with the ex was not fair. But I also thought the stuff Douglas had to do to support his three girls is what real Dads do. Douglas Goff is a real dad.
You have another family. Good for you. Good for them to have you.
Your older girls are adults. Oh, it would be nice to hear some positive words from them. They may never come. The sadness of quiet is deafening.
Advice. Polish this story as best you can. Print it on nice paper. Rewrite the last two paragraphs. Tell them exactly what you want them to know.
I suspect it will be something like: my love for you started the day I first saw you. Even though I only knew you for a few minutes, and you were tiny. I knew I would love you forever, Dad.
God bless Douglas Goff.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Douglas, it is somewhat amazing to me that a man who has talent at writing the way you do has had a few really bad experiences that really suck.
And yet your writing can be really interesting, clever, creative, and sometimes dang right funny. It's a little hard to imagine that you have to carry some real crappy baggage, but you do, and you have survived.
As I read your story, it is clear that life with the ex was not fair. But I also thought the stuff Douglas had to do to support his three girls is what real Dads do. Douglas Goff is a real dad.
You have another family. Good for you. Good for them to have you.
Your older girls are adults. Oh, it would be nice to hear some positive words from them. They may never come. The sadness of quiet is deafening.
Advice. Polish this story as best you can. Print it on nice paper. Rewrite the last two paragraphs. Tell them exactly what you want them to know.
I suspect it will be something like: my love for you started the day I first saw you. Even though I only knew you for a few minutes, and you were tiny. I knew I would love you forever, Dad.
God bless Douglas Goff.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Okay, Terry. I think this is the nicest review anyone has ever given me. Thank you. I like the letter advice and plan to do that.
You are a great supportive friend. Thank you.
Douglas.
Comment from jessizero
This was visceral and heartbreaking. I wish I had some advice for you, but I have never been in this situation. You didn't come off sounding like you feel sorry for yourself, if that helps at all. Thank you for having the bravery to share this here, and best wishes and prayers for you.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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This was visceral and heartbreaking. I wish I had some advice for you, but I have never been in this situation. You didn't come off sounding like you feel sorry for yourself, if that helps at all. Thank you for having the bravery to share this here, and best wishes and prayers for you.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Jessi. Your support is comforting. Appreciate you friend.
Comment from lyenochka
You're so right that kids can really hurt our feelings because we have sacrificed so much for them. I have read about how your wife cheated on you even while you were having that vacation in Hawaii together. Then you had that miracle with the turtle. God can do those miracles.
How to fix it? Give it over to God. The more we want to fix it the harder it becomes because we think we have to do it in our own power. So for your own health, just pray for your daughters and even your ex (Jesus does say to pray for our enemies.) And it would be really good if you had a good friend or pastor or mentor (another dad who is also separated from his kids) and just pray together. I know you mentioned your faith so read the Psalms or any of your favorite verses and pray those verses over your daughters and keep releasing them to God. That's my suggestion. None of us are perfect parents. But God is our perfect Father. He'll help us.
Typos - maybe:
having j Ives pulled on me (knives?)
Ciera's college fund to pay (Cierra is how you spelled it in other places)
I was going t be closer to her than a (to be)
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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You're so right that kids can really hurt our feelings because we have sacrificed so much for them. I have read about how your wife cheated on you even while you were having that vacation in Hawaii together. Then you had that miracle with the turtle. God can do those miracles.
How to fix it? Give it over to God. The more we want to fix it the harder it becomes because we think we have to do it in our own power. So for your own health, just pray for your daughters and even your ex (Jesus does say to pray for our enemies.) And it would be really good if you had a good friend or pastor or mentor (another dad who is also separated from his kids) and just pray together. I know you mentioned your faith so read the Psalms or any of your favorite verses and pray those verses over your daughters and keep releasing them to God. That's my suggestion. None of us are perfect parents. But God is our perfect Father. He'll help us.
Typos - maybe:
having j Ives pulled on me (knives?)
Ciera's college fund to pay (Cierra is how you spelled it in other places)
I was going t be closer to her than a (to be)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Yeah, the turtle was such a calming moment. I think I could drive myself crazy with this mess . . .
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Hope you find a good prayer partner. Jesus doesn't want us to do life alone.
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I have a strong church.
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I'm glad! That really helps to have the regular spiritual support and fellowship.
Comment from Soledadpaz
This is a horror story. How someone can be so cruel to a person they'd shared their life with. My first thought was maybe the brain tumor affected her personality, but who knows. Maybe she was always this cruel and turning your daughters against you is a low thing to do. That said, they are mostly adults now and responsible for their own actions. Deep down they know that you did not abandon them financially or emotionally. Perhaps one thing you can do is let them know that you didn't mean what you said, that you love them, and that you will always be there for them. And that you will wait for them forever, with open door and open arms.
I know how hard it is not to spill the beans about your ex to your own children. I have faced the same situation. My oldest son has no idea what all transpired between me and his father. He will never know the sacrifice it took for me to be in the same room with him, but I did it for graduations and weddings and new babies. I gritted my teeth and got on with it for the sake of my son. The thought crossed my mind over the years but I can't bring myself to tell him. It would make me feel better, but it would only hurt my son. I have never spoken a bad word about his dad to him.
It's tough when your ex's actions bleed over into the relationship you have with your children. It's like the icing on a very bitter cake. For now, you can rest knowing that you have done all you could for your daughters, that you have not failed them, that you have seen them through their growing up years, that they know you will always be there for them, and now the next step belongs to them.
Sol
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This is a horror story. How someone can be so cruel to a person they'd shared their life with. My first thought was maybe the brain tumor affected her personality, but who knows. Maybe she was always this cruel and turning your daughters against you is a low thing to do. That said, they are mostly adults now and responsible for their own actions. Deep down they know that you did not abandon them financially or emotionally. Perhaps one thing you can do is let them know that you didn't mean what you said, that you love them, and that you will always be there for them. And that you will wait for them forever, with open door and open arms.
I know how hard it is not to spill the beans about your ex to your own children. I have faced the same situation. My oldest son has no idea what all transpired between me and his father. He will never know the sacrifice it took for me to be in the same room with him, but I did it for graduations and weddings and new babies. I gritted my teeth and got on with it for the sake of my son. The thought crossed my mind over the years but I can't bring myself to tell him. It would make me feel better, but it would only hurt my son. I have never spoken a bad word about his dad to him.
It's tough when your ex's actions bleed over into the relationship you have with your children. It's like the icing on a very bitter cake. For now, you can rest knowing that you have done all you could for your daughters, that you have not failed them, that you have seen them through their growing up years, that they know you will always be there for them, and now the next step belongs to them.
Sol
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This has been a stretch. Sometimes you take a beating on the high road, Sol. I cannot see how this resolves. I do not think I am going to hang y head anymore . . .
