Comment from jmdg1954

Exceptional

I never had the honor to serve in any of our armed forces. Part of me wishes I did.

My respect to all those who served which provided the lives and country we all enjoy.

I can feel this soldiers elation of homing home but also the guilt of leaving his. "Brothers" behind.

Be well. John

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, John.
I'm very moved by your
respect for our troops,
especially during war time.
Many blessings to you.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This is an horrific recollection of a tragic injury during war time and you post it as fiction, but I dare say this has happened to many soldiers, a poignant write about the terrible suffering in war time, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, dear
Dolly. This is one of many
tragic chapters of the U.S.
history. It still hurts my heart.
Many blessings to you and
your family. ~

Comment from Ginda Simpson

Excellent

What a gut-wrenching, heart-warming story. Let us not forget our veterans ever. These were my high school years, and when you introduce Sharon into the story, we are reminded of an era that sent boys off to war. A successful piece of writing.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Ginda.
I'm glad to be reaching out
to other writers who lived
through the 60's in the U.S.
I was an elementary school
student during the Vietnam
War. I vividly recall my mother and I hugging each
other weeping over the loss
of human lives in the Vietnam War. I hope my
short story reaches as many
people as possible right into
their souls and hearts.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and
review my work. Many
blessings to you. ~

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for writing this writing prompt entry for our Viet Nam veterans. They are mostly forgotten and need to be remembered. I enjoyed reading. My only suggestion is to use a space for the paragraphs.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much,
Barbara, for taking the time
to read and review this work.
Growing up during the 60s
during the Vietnam War has
left me still recalling some
memories of the toll the war
took on our young soldiers
and the sadness of the large
loss of human lives, and
other soldiers who survived
came home to a critical
country. My mother and I
wept over the war, as did so
many soldiers' families and
friends. I really appreciate
you reading and reviewing my poem. Many blessings to
you. ~

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

For some of us, Vietnam doesn't seem so long ago, and for many the memories will follow them wherever they go, and hopefully, the others are looking down upon us waiting for us to join them. Thanks for sharing. Some mighty fine descriptive writing. Wish I had a six.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Ric.
I'm 65 with some cognitive
issues, but I do remember
the 60s quite well still. I was
in elementary school and
recall the sadness of so
much loss of human life
because of the war. So many
of our young soldiers who
survived came home to a
critical country. They were
never properly welcomed
home. It still hearts my heart
I really appreciate you taking
the time to read my work.
Many blessings to you. ~

Comment from Karyn2

Excellent

What a fabulous piece of writing beginning with the contest prompt. I found your writing engaging and authentic and rich in description of setting and place. Well structured and paced with a satisfying ending that suited the length and purpose of the piece. Well done! I hope you do well in the contest.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Karyn.
I'm 65, but I still remember
this tragic chapter in our
country's history. So much
loss of human life. Our
soldiers who survived came
home to so much criticism.
It hurts my heart to this day.
Thank you for taking the
time to read & review my
work. Many blessings to you.

Comment from Ricky1024

Excellent

"Charlie-in Country"
This is a Charlie Contest Entry Rich in theme and Imagery.
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with your Contest Entry and have a Blessed New Year.
Doctor Ricky1024

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Ricky,
for taking the time to read
and review my work. I'm 65,
but remember the 60's in
the U.S. fairly well. So much
loss of human life from
this tragedy. Then, many of
our surviving soldiers came
home and were treated with
hostility, it still hurts my
heart. Many blessings to
you. ~

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

I'm tempted to say you were a soldier in Vietnam. Your imagery is so stark and ragged ... raw! But beyond personal experience, there is the writer who has a gift to share with the world. You are a powerful writer with a good sense of dramatic pacing and timing. Since this is a contest piece, I do have a few suggestions I'd suggest you consider:

sweating in dry mouth anticipation. [... in dry-mouthED anticipation.]

all I can recall is the burning, a
flash of ungodly searing pain, [... all I COULD recall is ...]

"I can't leave my
war buddies !!!!" [Try to avoid multiple punctuation marks. Editors consider that a signal of an amateur, much like using a lower case "i" as a personal pronoun. Occasionally two punctuation marks can be used, especially when it ends with a question mark ... but an emphatic one. Then, you might use (?!). Just a suggestion.]

This is a strong contender. I hope it gets the attention its material warrants.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Jay, for
taking the time to read and
review my Vietnam War short
story. I very much appreciate
the grammar corrections too.
I'm 65 and have been getting
some cognitive issues. I was
not a U.S. soldier in the
Vietnam War or any other
War. I was an elementary
school and then high school
student during the 60's up
to 1975. I joined the Navy in
1979. I wasn't in long. I met
my late husband in the Navy.
I recall our surviving
Vietnam veterans coming
home to a hostile U.S., it
still hurts my heart. Many
blessings to you. ~

reply by Jay Squires on 03-Jan-2023

I'm so sorry about your cognitive challenges. I'm 83, and for three years I've been studying Spanish daily. It does help to slow the advance of memory loss. And the app is free to choose from dozens of languages to study, including Navajo. Hawaian, and even Klingon. I'm even thinking of beginning German or French.

Comment from susand3022

Excellent

Hello Author,
A totally different turn from any of the other "Charlie" stories I've read so far. I really liked it. It felt real.
I do have a suggestion; you might benefit from inserting some breaks. Even double spacing between paragraphs will help to form breaks between time passages better.
Also, I'm not sure why it set up in such a narrow column. It's unusual. If it happened by itself, I'm not sure how to fix that.
Anyway, the story itself is really good. Good luck in the contest!
Susan :)

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Susan.
I really appreciate you taking
the time to read and review
my Vietnam War short story.
I'm 65, but I can still recall
the enormous tragedy of the
Vietnam War as an American
elementary school then
high school student. Our
surviving soldiers came home to a hostile and
ungrateful country for the
most part. That still hurts
my heart. Many blessings to
you. ~

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Good

You have an interesting take on the name Charlie. That is what the soldiers called the enemy, isn't it? I'm not sure about the way you lay the story out. Why doesn't it cross the page and where are the spaces between the paragraphs? It is harder to read all clumped together along the left margin. Using a larger font would help also.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023

Thank you so much, Carol.
I'm 65 and starting to have
some cognitive issues, but
I recall the America of the
60's up to 1975 as an
elementary then high school
student. The tremendous
loss of human life from the
Vietnam War, and then our
soldiers who survived, for
the most part, came home
to a lot of hostility. That still
hurts my heart. Thank you for taking the time to read
my short story, and for the
constructive criticism. Many
blessings to you. ~

reply by Carol Hillebrenner on 03-Jan-2023

I remember that time too well as I graduated high school in 1964. The number of soldiers was increased drastically that year. All of my classmates came home, but one shot himself a few months later, one ran head on into a semi, and four drank themselves to death. And none were appreciated when they returned.