Execution of a girl.
A poem, no rhyme or meter, story poem30 total reviews
Comment from amarherig14
Well written horror/thriller story/poem. When I saw the title I thought it was inspired by the news. The picture was horrifying and I had to look again to be sure I had the right author. This write looks like it came from seasoned horror writer, not the kind I am used to read from you. Its sound so true to beginning to end. What a horrible way to die, seems that she was bitten and beaten. Excellent!!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Well written horror/thriller story/poem. When I saw the title I thought it was inspired by the news. The picture was horrifying and I had to look again to be sure I had the right author. This write looks like it came from seasoned horror writer, not the kind I am used to read from you. Its sound so true to beginning to end. What a horrible way to die, seems that she was bitten and beaten. Excellent!!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine.
Comment from Nebukadneser
Most definitely a six star poem. This is one of the most brilliant pieces I've read on Fanstory. Absolute magnificent and descriptive in its agony and no softening of the brutality of the so called righteous's acts of fool hardiness to cover their own sins and transgressions. To end the piece with her lifeless body like a ballerina was the other side of brilliant.
Well done
you're a super star
Cool bananas and warm regards
Nebukadneser
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Most definitely a six star poem. This is one of the most brilliant pieces I've read on Fanstory. Absolute magnificent and descriptive in its agony and no softening of the brutality of the so called righteous's acts of fool hardiness to cover their own sins and transgressions. To end the piece with her lifeless body like a ballerina was the other side of brilliant.
Well done
you're a super star
Cool bananas and warm regards
Nebukadneser
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine. Pleased you liked it so much and many thanks for the lovely six.
Comment from Jean Lutz
"...the marks on her neck." I assume refer to those of a vampire? This is dark, tragic and even ends with mocking. Powerful writing. I think you should write more with this passion.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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"...the marks on her neck." I assume refer to those of a vampire? This is dark, tragic and even ends with mocking. Powerful writing. I think you should write more with this passion.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine.
Comment from Alan K Pease
Very moving robina and a truth in some cultures even here in North America which I think perhaps you want it to be, but I have not heard of any instances. You capture death by drowning exquisitely - and the mob.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Very moving robina and a truth in some cultures even here in North America which I think perhaps you want it to be, but I have not heard of any instances. You capture death by drowning exquisitely - and the mob.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine. Thanks Alan, I am pleased you enjoyed. And the next 6 makes my evening.
Comment from Bobby Jo
Wow! This gave me the chills. Makes the reader feel the spirit as it fights death. Then to be at peace and swaying with the water. I felt this poem.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Wow! This gave me the chills. Makes the reader feel the spirit as it fights death. Then to be at peace and swaying with the water. I felt this poem.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Ine, I think this is one of the best things you've ever written. You have a real knack for building horror and you did it in a very visceral manner through your descriptions of the girl's suffering. I like how you alternated between her sad state and the biblical passages. Really impressive! Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Ine, I think this is one of the best things you've ever written. You have a real knack for building horror and you did it in a very visceral manner through your descriptions of the girl's suffering. I like how you alternated between her sad state and the biblical passages. Really impressive! Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine.
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You're welcome, Ine.
Comment from artemis53
What an incredible piece, Ine. I was amazed by the vivid, sensual detail of that unbelievable scene. I wonder what waits for those above the water...for now ;)
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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What an incredible piece, Ine. I was amazed by the vivid, sensual detail of that unbelievable scene. I wonder what waits for those above the water...for now ;)
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is indeed very well written good descriptive word choices my friend and strong imagery through out bringing the work to life with feeling well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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This is indeed very well written good descriptive word choices my friend and strong imagery through out bringing the work to life with feeling well done regards Jill
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine.
Comment from adewpearl
the girl's heart then failed - add apostrophe for possessive
Excellent use of vivid, gruesome detail to make this horrific scene come to life
strong high-impact verbs add to the intensity of the violence and hate
I can feel her panic and fear and the self-righteous hatred of the crowd
If this were read aloud to me and I didn't see line breaks, I would assume this was a prose short story and not a poem.
Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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the girl's heart then failed - add apostrophe for possessive
Excellent use of vivid, gruesome detail to make this horrific scene come to life
strong high-impact verbs add to the intensity of the violence and hate
I can feel her panic and fear and the self-righteous hatred of the crowd
If this were read aloud to me and I didn't see line breaks, I would assume this was a prose short story and not a poem.
Brooke
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine. Yes ,that is why I called it a story poem. I will correct the mistake, thanks.
Comment from chasennov
Now this poem is black and white and is easily read. It was well thought out and well structured. It was also well written and it read smoothly. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Now this poem is black and white and is easily read. It was well thought out and well structured. It was also well written and it read smoothly. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2013
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Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a lovely week, Ine
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Same to you Ine.
