How Are You?

 “How are you?”

Should I answer honestly? Isn't honesty the best policy? Or is “I’m fine” the only acceptable answer?

First point of contention: In English “how are you?” is a bit on the vague side. Do you refer to how I am today (not worth a crap), or do you refer to how I am as a person? (Probably also not worth a crap)

In Spanish, at least they have two verb forms for "to be", estar and ser, so that I may indicate if I’m temporarily crappy or it’s a permanent state of affairs.

So how am I, in the “ser” sense, the essence of my person? 

Well, I suppose I leave a lot to be desired, thanks for asking. I’ve yet to meet a hill I’m not ready to die on, my glass ranges from three-quarters-empty to bone-dry, and speaking of hills, my mole hills have all turned to Everests. If someone pinched me today for not wearing green, I’d be seeing red, they’d be seeing stars, and hopefully tomorrow’s theme is black and blue because that’s what they’ll be sporting. And thanks to my constantly haggard state and stress eating, I’m far from “fine.” In short, “I’m crappy.”

And how am I, in the “estar” sense, my feelings at this particular moment in time?

Well, I’m not great, to be quite frank, thanks for asking. My toddler insisted that I make pancakes then wouldn’t take a single bite. Potty training is going about as well as serving venison at a vegan convention. And toddler diapers are probably as effective for self-defense as pepper spray. Nick Saban retired, so I don’t even have football season to look forward to anymore. Basically the antithesis of “fine.”  In short, “I’m crappy.” 

But whether I leave it at “I’m crappy” or expound upon it with details of my crappiness, the looks I receive are going to be of one who just stepped in a big pile of crap.

So, "Honesty is the best policy": Time to Fall Back! Instead: 

“I’m fine.”