King Rufus

Rufus was a golden retriever with a nose that could sniff out the smallest parcel of meat from a mile away in a hurricane. He was always there watching his humans eat at mealtimes, particularly when they dined on steak and potatoes. On this particular evening, the aroma of sizzling steak wafted through the air, wrapping around Rufus like a warm, meaty hug.

As his owners, Dave and Lisa, sat down at the dining table, Rufus positioned himself strategically at their feet, his big brown eyes wide and glistening like two shiny marbles. He let out a soft whimper, a sound that was part plea, part opera. “Oh, the betrayal! How could they eat such glorious food without me?!” he thought, his stomach rumbling like a thunderstorm.

Dave cut into his steak, the knife gliding through the tender meat. The sound was like a siren call to Rufus. “Why, oh why, do they torment me so?” he grumbled internally. “Can’t they see this is a crime against canine-kind? I mean, who else appreciates the magnificence of steak like I do?”

With a flick of his tail, Rufus attempted to charm his way into their hearts. He rolled over, exposing his fluffy belly, hoping for some sympathy.

“Look at this adorable creature,” he imagined his humans saying. “How could we resist giving him a bite?” But all he received was a pat on the head and a “Not now, Rufus!” in response. His heart sank. “Not now? What do you mean ‘not now’? This is a steak emergency!”

As he watched, Dave took a hearty bite of his steak, chewing with obvious delight. Rufus stood up, his thoughts racing. “Hey, I can do that too! Look!” He mimicked Dave’s chewing, his mouth opening and closing exaggeratedly. “See? I’m totally qualified to eat steak! Just look at my lips—perfect for steak consumption!”

Lisa caught his eye and chuckled. “Oh, Rufus, you silly boy. You know you’ll get your dinner in a minute.” A minute? A minute felt like an eternity when steak was involved! “Dinner? Dinn—er? That’s not the same as STEAK!” he grumbled, his tail wagging furiously in agitation. “I demand steak! The people need to recognize my culinary expertise!”

As if the universe were playing a cruel joke, Dave lifted a forkful of perfectly cooked potatoes to his mouth. Rufus’s eyes widened. “Potatoes?! They’re having a potato party and forgot to invite me?! What kind of dog-friendly household is this?” His mind raced with indignation and hunger. “I should be the guest of honor at the potato party! I’ll show them how it’s done!”

Rufus, fueled by desperation, decided to take matters into his own paws. He strutted over to the table, his tail wagging like a helicopter blade. “Alright, humans, I’ll demonstrate my impressive begging skills,” he thought, conjuring his most pitiful expression. He let out a series of soft whines, punctuated by an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, the humanity!”

Lisa couldn’t help but laugh. “Rufus, stop it! You’re so dramatic!”

“Dramatic? Me?” he thought, rolling his eyes. “I’m just trying to survive here! Can’t you see I’m on the brink of starvation?”
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Dave cut off a small piece of steak and held it out to Rufus like a golden ticket to paradise. “Okay, buddy, just this little piece.”

Rufus lunged forward, catching the morsel mid-air with a grace that would make an Olympic gymnast jealous. He savored the flavor, gloating in his victory. “Ha! I knew they would come to their senses! Steak is my birthright!”

A couple of chews, and a swallow later, he looked up to see Dave shovel the last remnants of stake into his mouth. “One bite! That’s all you could spare? I’d never treat you like this,”  he grumbled as he trudged away.

His  belly grumbled and his heart was heavy with disappointment as he settled down on his favorite rug. And with that, Rufus began to snore, thinking of steak, potatoes… and perhaps a side of bacon for dessert.
His dream was always the same. He was  the King Canine, sitting high on a throne with little humans bringing him slices of steak, bacon, and chicken. All he could eat. He’d pat the little things on their heads in thanks. They were so cute.