Operation Blessing

Once there was a special couple who loved each other very much. Their names were Jean and Gene Doe.

The Does were a gay family. They'd even gotten married in Massachusetts.

The Does were NOT a homos**ual couple. They were happy and gay homosapiens in the traditional, un-perverted sense when the rainbow was helping people to repopulate the earth, or like Kermit's song in the Muppet Movie, but not like the rainbow flags on Episcopal churches. Yep, the Doe marriage was most definitely a Catholic marriage between a man and a woman. The Does were also rather ugly, but their kids were hot.

The Does had two daughters, with beautiful Indian names:

Shimale and Vijayla

and two sons named after famous kings:

Harold and Richard.

Life was great until sometime between December 26 and February 13, when the Does started getting a ton of junk mail for discount jeans and sales calls for gene testing. That put stress on their love life. Jean took up computer games while Gene got a CrossFit membership. The kids were worried.

One day Gene was on his lunch break at his office at Theranos, fretting about the marriage, when he had a bright idea. "Dear God", he prayed, "If you want us to do it, give me a sign."

At that very moment, Gene saw his good friend Bob, who worked several floors up, go flying by his window. "Juuuuuuust DOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!" Bob yelled on his way down, flashing the Nike symbol. It was a sign from God!!

Gene didn't waste one second. He parachuted right out his office window, dodging what was left of Bob, dived through his open car window without even opening the door, and ran over three preschoolers getting home. "Jean!" he lisped, "I just realized, I'm attracted to men!"

"I knew that, babe. You know I'm attracted to women, right?"

Gene told Jean about his idea to save their marriage and the sign from God. They got excited about how God wanted to bless them.

The following day, the kids drove their parents to the hospital. The anesthesiologist put them to sleep.

***

A month later, the whole family gathered for the marriage renewal ceremony, officiated by their plastic surgeons.

Across from each other stood two serious pieces of hetero eye candy.

"Jane, formerly Gene, do you retake this man John, formerly Jean, as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do!"