Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Very interesting short story. Yes, you did a great job bringing those children to life in tone and behavior. I thought the entire thing was good. Reading it you could actually picture the discussion/argument.

notes:

"THAT IS REALLY GROSS!" said Joey. ["]I'm hungry."

- add

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020

oops. thanks - for the catch and for your very nice comments!

Comment from Cynthia Adams1

Excellent

I liked your story a lot.
Having had younger brothers, I know what it is like. I think you perfectly captured the relationship of siblings in a good relationship.
However did you find such fitting artwork?

There are many good lines and images.
My favorite is the last line. Anyone who has had a young brother will smile...that short attention span and focus on his grumbling stomach is so classic of brothers of a certain age. Nice job.

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020

thank you very much, Cynthia.
I must confess when I found the picture, I had to change the story a bit to fit it. :)

Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

This sounds just like a brother and sister. They have to argue about something. It's a fun story, easy to read and I found no errors. You did a great job. Shirley

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020

thanks, Shirley. much appreciated!

Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.

Excellent

This is a spooky story entry for the The Pumpkin writing prompt. It is well written with a surprising ending. Best of luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020

thank you kindly! :)

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

I will continue your phrase ð??? I'm hungry let's eat the warms. U enjoyed your story brotherhood united in pumpkin carving execution mode. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest..

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020

thank you for your good wishes

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written fun story about creating a jack o lantern from the pumpkin that are unique and even worms coming out of the pumpkin's face to make it even more gross.

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020

thanks, Sandra!

Comment from Mary Vigasin

Excellent

I love that you show a brother and sister doing the pumpkin together and they do not do the "conventional" pumpkin.
Well done
Good luck with the contest.
Regards,
mary

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020

thank you, Mary, and welcome to Fan Story.
Usually if one gets a 4 rating instead of a five, the reviewer gives a reason, what improvement she or he thinks it needs. I'd be glad to hear and and consider your suggestion.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Well, Joey got it right. It is really gross. You did a good job with your contest entry, Mystery Author. The image is perfect, too. I like the dialogue that carries the story. I could see everything even if a picture had not been included.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020

thanks, Jan! That's a lovely critique and much appreciated.

Comment from Eternal Muse

Excellent

A delightful story of a pumpkin, just in time for Halloween. I like how they make cuts in pumpkins to show eyes, brows and mouth, whey do they call it - Jack the lantern?

Wonderful descriptive imagery, loved your large bolded font, superb artwork. I think it should do extremely well in the contest, good luck in the booths.

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020

thank you very much. they're called Jack-o-lanterns.
I really appreciate your lovely review.

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Dear Mystery Writer,

A wonderful ekphrastic piece of poetry. I like the take on the kids and their mini-squabble. The end result describes that horrible pumpkin that is really pretty stinking cool. haha

Thanks and good luck!

 Comment Written 13-Oct-2020

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reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020

okay, Miss Robyn - another impressive word I have to look up. You are somethin' else!
Muchas gracias, amiga

reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020

PS
just looked up ekphrastic, and that was a lovely compliment. will have to try to remember that word. thanks again!