We are your Cleaners
Don't Worry19 total reviews
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
This is a wonderful tribute to those very essential workers behind the scenes, risking contamination daily and working their selves to the bone as they do their best to keep the rest of us safe.
The overall presentation appeals to my eye, and the black/white scheme shouts 'germ-free'.
Very well done; very best wishes!
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This is a wonderful tribute to those very essential workers behind the scenes, risking contamination daily and working their selves to the bone as they do their best to keep the rest of us safe.
The overall presentation appeals to my eye, and the black/white scheme shouts 'germ-free'.
Very well done; very best wishes!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from Mia Twysted
This virus is taking it's toll on all. There is not enough credit given to those who are out there everyday right up next to those who are carrying the virus around.
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This virus is taking it's toll on all. There is not enough credit given to those who are out there everyday right up next to those who are carrying the virus around.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from palmart
Perfect Rhyming along the whole poem! And subject you have chosen is definitively important! Essential jobs are the ones that are not seen when they are perfectly done but they are evidently missed for all of us when they are away. Good expressions and nice presentation, both for writing and picture. This is a global virus and knows no face to whom it infects: unfortunately, no place to hide...
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Perfect Rhyming along the whole poem! And subject you have chosen is definitively important! Essential jobs are the ones that are not seen when they are perfectly done but they are evidently missed for all of us when they are away. Good expressions and nice presentation, both for writing and picture. This is a global virus and knows no face to whom it infects: unfortunately, no place to hide...
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Don't Worry
We are your Cleaners
Hello, anonymous
Most people don't realize how important cleaners are. Especially now that we need to clean and desinfect all surfaces. Great entry for the Essential Workers contest.
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Don't Worry
We are your Cleaners
Hello, anonymous
Most people don't realize how important cleaners are. Especially now that we need to clean and desinfect all surfaces. Great entry for the Essential Workers contest.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Essential Workers contest.
This piece is well written and a lovely tribute to our essential workers everywhere.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
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I think this is a good entry for the Essential Workers contest.
This piece is well written and a lovely tribute to our essential workers everywhere.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a wonderful tribute to all cleaners worldwide. Most people never think of the cleaners, but they are a vital part of any society. Well done!
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This is a wonderful tribute to all cleaners worldwide. Most people never think of the cleaners, but they are a vital part of any society. Well done!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from lightink
I so appreciate how you present the wealth gap along with the dedication and risk of the cleaners. They would deserve so much more recognition both financially and just respect, in general.
Your rhymes are great and the meter is almost purely iambic (I'll later have a few suggestions, in case you are interested in even meter).
I love how you set the tone with the first couple of lines:
"I rise unseen from bended knee
unknown I work to set you free'
"unseen''unknown' 'bended knee'
all show the lack of appreciation and implies humility...
Then, you show the precautions and discomfort - and mention the power difference again
"behind a mask and gloved attire
I clean this room you now desire'
(I would possibly change the wording a little to sound even more natural: "I clean this room TO YOUR desire'", I'm aware it shifts the meaning a bit though)
You describe the luxury and comfort of the wealthy, I very much appreciate the grandiose words here:
"a throne for you, ceiling to floor
no fear of germs behind this door"
"CEIL-ing to FLOOR' has a trochaic substitution, but I think it's a great way to emphasize the wealth by creating a little pause, so I wouldn't change it.
And then, in contrast...your struggles and sacrifice:
"I fought them well, the best I could
I knew the cost, and for you I stood'
The second line is 9 syllables with a small meter glitch, unlike the earlier lines. I'd probably go with: "I knew the cost (-) for you I stood'
Then, you return to the theme of humility with strong wording:
"I cleaned the way for all inbound
unseen, untouched, devoid of sound'
I believe there's a missing (') in the next line:
"my work(')s now done so now it's time"
And I LOVE the poetic metaphor:
"for someone else in darkness shine'
And then, the dreadful cost of being an essential worker under these circumstances, with less then sufficient protection... Such powerful way to end the poem:
I'm RESTINGing NOW, in QUAranTINED space (9)
aLONG with MAny who JOINED this RACE (9)
to cross this line, not first or last (8, fully iambic)
BUT to SEE it FADE INto the PAST (9).
Awesome, painful imagery!
The rhythm and syllable count (9) is different in the first two lines,
Sadly, if I play with it, it takes from the effectiveness of the wording:
Let me think out loud though:
"I rest in quarantine's embrace
with many folks who joined this race/ along with those who joined this race" (it dilutes the original wording, but let me know what you think)
"to cross this line, not first or last
but to see it fade into the past"
The last's line is too powerful, I'd let it stand out with the extra syllable...
(I'm not inclined to look for ways to even out the syllable count or the meter.)
Awesome, powerful poem!
Again, it's great as it is - I only played with it to think about options.
Wonderful job! Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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I so appreciate how you present the wealth gap along with the dedication and risk of the cleaners. They would deserve so much more recognition both financially and just respect, in general.
Your rhymes are great and the meter is almost purely iambic (I'll later have a few suggestions, in case you are interested in even meter).
I love how you set the tone with the first couple of lines:
"I rise unseen from bended knee
unknown I work to set you free'
"unseen''unknown' 'bended knee'
all show the lack of appreciation and implies humility...
Then, you show the precautions and discomfort - and mention the power difference again
"behind a mask and gloved attire
I clean this room you now desire'
(I would possibly change the wording a little to sound even more natural: "I clean this room TO YOUR desire'", I'm aware it shifts the meaning a bit though)
You describe the luxury and comfort of the wealthy, I very much appreciate the grandiose words here:
"a throne for you, ceiling to floor
no fear of germs behind this door"
"CEIL-ing to FLOOR' has a trochaic substitution, but I think it's a great way to emphasize the wealth by creating a little pause, so I wouldn't change it.
And then, in contrast...your struggles and sacrifice:
"I fought them well, the best I could
I knew the cost, and for you I stood'
The second line is 9 syllables with a small meter glitch, unlike the earlier lines. I'd probably go with: "I knew the cost (-) for you I stood'
Then, you return to the theme of humility with strong wording:
"I cleaned the way for all inbound
unseen, untouched, devoid of sound'
I believe there's a missing (') in the next line:
"my work(')s now done so now it's time"
And I LOVE the poetic metaphor:
"for someone else in darkness shine'
And then, the dreadful cost of being an essential worker under these circumstances, with less then sufficient protection... Such powerful way to end the poem:
I'm RESTINGing NOW, in QUAranTINED space (9)
aLONG with MAny who JOINED this RACE (9)
to cross this line, not first or last (8, fully iambic)
BUT to SEE it FADE INto the PAST (9).
Awesome, painful imagery!
The rhythm and syllable count (9) is different in the first two lines,
Sadly, if I play with it, it takes from the effectiveness of the wording:
Let me think out loud though:
"I rest in quarantine's embrace
with many folks who joined this race/ along with those who joined this race" (it dilutes the original wording, but let me know what you think)
"to cross this line, not first or last
but to see it fade into the past"
The last's line is too powerful, I'd let it stand out with the extra syllable...
(I'm not inclined to look for ways to even out the syllable count or the meter.)
Awesome, powerful poem!
Again, it's great as it is - I only played with it to think about options.
Wonderful job! Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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An excellent review, I have written down all your suggestions and will work on this poem, many thanks
Comment from lyenochka
A great tribute to the people who have the least appreciated jobs. And yet what they do keeping other people safe. We often think of the EMTs and doctors and nurses but you're right - the cleaners are just as important! Best wishes in the contest!
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A great tribute to the people who have the least appreciated jobs. And yet what they do keeping other people safe. We often think of the EMTs and doctors and nurses but you're right - the cleaners are just as important! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your well-deserved tribute to cleaners everywhere is well-written and moving. Their work is demanding and often goes unappreciated! You have used specific details to convey your message.
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Your well-deserved tribute to cleaners everywhere is well-written and moving. Their work is demanding and often goes unappreciated! You have used specific details to convey your message.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem in tribute to the cleaners who are essential to keep public bathrooms sparkling clean and free of germs. It is hard and unappreciated work to clean after others every day.
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A very well-written poem in tribute to the cleaners who are essential to keep public bathrooms sparkling clean and free of germs. It is hard and unappreciated work to clean after others every day.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
