Incident At Taysom Hill Park
A black sun rose one morning18 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow - now there's a whole lot of emotion written in only eighty words, Brett... so much backstory the reader can imagine here as well - great job!;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Wow - now there's a whole lot of emotion written in only eighty words, Brett... so much backstory the reader can imagine here as well - great job!;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 26-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. A much appreciated spot on review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Ouch, this is some fine writing that packs a powerful punch with very few words. And I must say, not anything I might have expected to come from you, but well done just the same. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Ouch, this is some fine writing that packs a powerful punch with very few words. And I must say, not anything I might have expected to come from you, but well done just the same. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed. A piece that came and fell by the wayside. Much appreciated review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a tragic story of murderous rage and suicide. You did a great job with this flash fiction. I did not find any errors. Have a great week-end. Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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What a tragic story of murderous rage and suicide. You did a great job with this flash fiction. I did not find any errors. Have a great week-end. Shirley
Comment Written 25-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Always appreciate your spot on reviews and insights.
Comment from nomi338
It is so sad that some people view the deceit of another as a personal affront, rather than just a failing of the one who tried to and ultimately failed to deceive us. It is so much more fulfilling to just walk away wiser, and free of the influence of the deceiver's evil ways. Free to find real love, true friendship and the enervating power to show the deceiver what they will forever be without.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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It is so sad that some people view the deceit of another as a personal affront, rather than just a failing of the one who tried to and ultimately failed to deceive us. It is so much more fulfilling to just walk away wiser, and free of the influence of the deceiver's evil ways. Free to find real love, true friendship and the enervating power to show the deceiver what they will forever be without.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You couldn't have written a tighter murder - suicide story if you'd tried.
I don't think that young man had much going for him, he admits it himself. So, when he sees his girlfriend cheating, something snapped, and then we have two dead people. Excellent story. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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You couldn't have written a tighter murder - suicide story if you'd tried.
I don't think that young man had much going for him, he admits it himself. So, when he sees his girlfriend cheating, something snapped, and then we have two dead people. Excellent story. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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A much appreciated spot on review.
Comment from Ben Colder
No doubt and surprised there was head left. I never found any mistakes I was to busy reading what you wrote. Glad it is fiction. Best to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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No doubt and surprised there was head left. I never found any mistakes I was to busy reading what you wrote. Glad it is fiction. Best to you in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from teols2016
It is good, but I don't see much conflict. Wouldn't Dereck have felt better after killing his cheating girlfriend? It sounds like he's committing suicide because of his miserable life, not killing this woman. I think you're spending too much time on that murder if it is not the cause for the suicide.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
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It is good, but I don't see much conflict. Wouldn't Dereck have felt better after killing his cheating girlfriend? It sounds like he's committing suicide because of his miserable life, not killing this woman. I think you're spending too much time on that murder if it is not the cause for the suicide.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
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Okay, and your next mis-observation would be?
Comment from judiverse
There isn't much hope for Derrick. Even if he hadn't pulled the trigger, he would have faced justice anyway for killing Rosalie. She wasn't so sweet if she cheated on him, but that's no reason to kill her. Powerfully told, and you include all the necessary elements in your 80 words. Best of luck. judi
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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There isn't much hope for Derrick. Even if he hadn't pulled the trigger, he would have faced justice anyway for killing Rosalie. She wasn't so sweet if she cheated on him, but that's no reason to kill her. Powerfully told, and you include all the necessary elements in your 80 words. Best of luck. judi
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from judiverse
There isn't much hope for Derrick. Even if he hadn't pulled the trigger, he would have faced justice anyway for killing Rosalie. She wasn't so sweet if she cheated on him, but that's no reason to kill her. Powerfully told, and you include all the necessary elements in your 80 words. Best of luck. judi
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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There isn't much hope for Derrick. Even if he hadn't pulled the trigger, he would have faced justice anyway for killing Rosalie. She wasn't so sweet if she cheated on him, but that's no reason to kill her. Powerfully told, and you include all the necessary elements in your 80 words. Best of luck. judi
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
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You're very welcome. I have some more of your posts to read, but I'm so behind in reviewing. judi
Comment from L. Kalere
I have to say, this probably isn't something I would read if it was a book...too much testosterone. However, you did a good job, it got a reaction from your reader. Nicely written.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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I have to say, this probably isn't something I would read if it was a book...too much testosterone. However, you did a good job, it got a reaction from your reader. Nicely written.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Appreciate the review.
